Less is More

I’m tired of being sold to. Even worse? I’m tired of selling to myself.

We are surrounded by a 24/7 loop of commercials, algorithms, and influencers telling us that happiness is just one more checkout button away. I’ve fallen for it more times than I care to admit. But looking around at the mountains of 'shit' I own, I’ve realized that my life has become a collection of things I didn't need, bought with money I should have kept. I’m done with the performance of consumerism. I’m ready for the 'Less.' I’m ready for the 'More' that has nothing to do with a shopping cart.

Let’s dive into solving this problem (It’s me girl, I’m the problem).

Quite Literally, Buy Less

This one is simple on paper, but a battle in practice: Stop spending money on things you do not need. My new golden rule is the 24-Hour Buffer. Before I hit 'complete purchase,' I walk away. Sure, there are exceptions for the rare, genuine 'need' or a long-awaited deal, but let’s be real: 99.9% of the time, I don’t need it. I’ve found that by giving my brain a day to cool off, the 'must-have' urge evaporates. About 90% of the time, I forget the item even existed. Turns out, I didn't want the product; I just wanted the hit of the hunt.

Declutter

For the last few months, I’ve been on a mission to excavate my own life. I’m going through everything I own and purging the ridiculous amount of stuff that was either never used, rarely touched, or bought in a moment of 'what was I thinking?' Because the process is overwhelming, I’ve mastered the 'Power Hour'—every few weeks, I spend sixty minutes ruthlessly sorting through clothes, jewelry, and those endless stacks of puzzles. The results? My home finally has room to breathe, and I’ve made over $2,000 on Poshmark in the last year. I’m literally getting paid to reclaim my space.

Get Intentional

Identify your 'Why.' What are you actually saving for? What are the things you’d do if you had more time and more capital? Write them down and keep that list within arm's reach. Every time you’re tempted to click 'Buy,' force yourself to answer one question: Which do I want more? Is it the $80 sweater, or is it that flight to Europe? Is it the designer handbag, or is it the freedom of an early retirement? Face the choice head-on. Are you chasing a 20-minute dopamine hit, or are you building the life you actually want to live?

Be Creative

You don't have to click 'buy' to get the thrill of something new. Since I work remotely but travel often, I’ve realized that investing in a stagnant 'work wardrobe' is a financial trap. Instead, I rent. It’s fiscally responsible and keeps my look fresh without the clutter. For events, stop buying one-hit-wonder dresses that will just collect dust—borrow from a friend and trade stories instead. And if you’re as appalled as I am by the price of denim lately? Stop overpaying. Buy a high-quality pair from a thrift store or pull an old favorite from the back of the closet and take it to a tailor. A $20 tailoring job will always look more expensive than a $200 pair of jeans that don't quite fit.

At the end of the day, you’ve got to commit to making a change. It’s not easy (it’s me still struggling to part with the jacket I haven’t worn in 2 years) but it’s so beyond worth it for the freedom from clutter and financial gain. Got tips? Let me know, I’m always looking for ways to kick consumerism’s ass!

Unfiltered

I am officially over the Influencer.

I am sick of the carefully curated brands, the staged morning routines, and the digital shrines people build to honor versions of themselves that don't actually exist. If I see one more aesthetic presented as a substitute for a soul, I’m going to scream.

We’ve traded our humanity for a narrative. We’ve turned our lives into products to be sold, using filters to sand down the edges of what makes us real. But a persona isn't a person. And frankly? I’m done buying what they’re selling. It’s time to stop performing and start living.

We’ve been told that to have a brand, we need to be a polished product. But in 2026, the most radical thing you can be isn't a brand. It’s a person. A whole messy human being.

The problem with a persona is that it requires constant maintenance. It’s a 24/7 job that pays in a currency (likes and follows) that doesn't actually buy happiness. When you live for the grid, you’re never fully present in the room. You’re looking at your life from the outside in, wondering if the lighting is right instead of wondering if the moment is meaningful.

Sitting on the sidelines? Consuming 'curated vibes' is like trying to eat a photo of a meal: you’re going to end up hungry and frustrated. We’ve been convinced that the 'good life' is something we can buy, do, or perform into existence. In reality, we’re just being sold a script by someone who’s getting paid to play a part. It’s time to stop trying to live someone else’s commercial.

Let’s be fair: not every persona is a lie, and not every influencer has sold their soul. But for the vast majority? It’s a performance. It’s a stage play that has started to bleed into our own living rooms, making us feel like our real lives are just 'bad takes.' I’m done with the rehearsals. Choose to show up messy. Choose to show up unfiltered. Give yourself permission to be a human being instead of a polished brand.

We’ve traded real-world wisdom for algorithmic 'advice.' It’s time to pivot back. Lean on the people who actually know your name. Stop scrolling for 'hacks' and start looking across the dinner table. If you want real wisdom, ask your elders for the life advice that actually stands the test of time. If you want a style evolution, raid your friend’s closet or ask for her honest take. If you want to level up at work, have the 'uncomfortable' conversations with your colleagues about worth and wages. Our best influencers aren't on our screens—they’re in our circles.

The Year of Living Softer

I have never lived life in a soft way. I have never prioritized relaxing. I have never been the one to slow down. I’m a tried and true type A, do more, be better babe.

My husband is not. He is a former professional athlete, so he gets shit done and is incredibly high achieving, but he knows how to do less, want less and just chill.

Since we met, I’ve definitely learned to slow down more than I ever have before. And sure, my slow is probably still about 10,000 mph faster than most people. But it’s slower for me, and that’s what matters.

In 2026, I’m trying even harder to live softer. Here’s what that looks like for me:

1. Start the day with intention. My husband is the cutest human on the planet and likes to start our day with a good 15-20 minutes snuggling. We will chat a little, be silly, but just start the day cuddling together before we face life’s responsibilities. It’s such a huge mood boost and reminds me whatever happens during the day, we’ve got each other to come back to. If you don’t have a partner, try this with a pet!

2. Resting. I genuinely cannot fathom the idea of sitting around for an entire day unless I am deathly ill. But I am finding time to sit around for a few hours and do nothing. No phone, just a show or a book and sitting around in my sweatpants.

3. Acting my wage. Ok, I do make good money. But I’m also paid for the quality of work I do and based on a 40 hour work week. I have to travel more often than a lot of folks. Believe me, they get their money’s work out of me. I’m setting boundaries and doing my best to only work overtime when it’s an emergency - and let’s be clear - it is rarely an emergency.

4. Caring less. Hello, I am a people pleaser. And a lot of people are surprised by that but for me it goes with the whole being the best mentality. I’m working really hard to care less about what other people think; especially people who’s opinions I don’t value or who don’t mean much to me in general. I’m putting my energy into the people and places that do give me meaning - including myself!

5. Movement. I am a former D1 athlete. Fitness is important to me. But what’s even more important is simple movement and what that does for my mental health. I prioritize at least an hour a day for movement. Whether its lagree, a hot girl walk, peloton - whatever! I move my body and force myself to not work or do anything but be present in that time.

6. Less phone time. This one is hard. I am attached to my phone either for work or texting or looking things up on Google for literally no important reason. This one will take time, but I’m already using my phone less and being present more. I hope to continue that trend. I don’t owe anyone an immediate response but I do owe myself time off technology.

7. Write shit down. I bought myself a new planner that has space for goals, daily intentions and forces me to not only put work deadlines but prioritizde myself outside of work. If I see it written down, it feels like I need to do it and check it off the list. It also forces me to be reasonable in what I’m trying to achieve. I can make the HGW happen, but maybe I don’t need to be running a 10K.

8. Nourishing my body. My husband is an incredible cook (I am so lucky). I also really love to cook and meal plan. We make time to get to the store each week and build out a breakfast/lunch/dinner plan each week. And while we eat out more than I’d like, we also cook together and ensure we have healthy food options in the house (and unhealthy, balance!).

9. Prioritizing girl time. I’m married now and spend 99% of my time with a man. He’s amazing, I love him, he’s my best friend. But life without girlfriends is unimaginable to me. From weekly dinners to saunas and yaps to walks to weeklong+ girl trips - I prioritize my girls. That will always be a critical priority for my joy.

10. Dogs. I lost my beloved Nashville about 9 months ago. That has been such an incredible pain and I don’t know if it will ever lessen. But we have two heelers that I’ve become mom to through my husband and spending time with them, loving on them, helps remind me what matters.

If you’re type A (hello first born daughters) like I am, I hope these help inspire you to live life a little softer. I’ll be honest, I’ll never live the softest life, but incorporating micro slow downs is something I can reasonably do while still feeding my type A soul. What a soft life looks like is so personal. I can’t ever imagine getting to 8 hours of doing nothing (even if I’m on a beach, I need stimulation and movement!) but I do enjoy my little slow starts and Sunday afternoon loafs. Hope you can find something that works for you!

Solo Female Travel

I heard solo travel is on the rise and all the rage in 2026. I’ve been solo traveling as long as I can remember either for work or fun and I’m some excited to see it becoming more of a regular thing for women specifically.

Traveling solo as a woman has been the greatest gift I could ever give myself. The confidence, joy and growth it has provided me is irreplaceable. I highly recommend that every woman make intentional time to travel solo.

BUT, as we all know, being a woman in the world comes with a different set of rules. Especially when you’re traveling alone.

1. Safety first. Periodt. Do your research on where you’re traveling before you book the trip. Is it generally safe? Is it safe and favorable for women? Are there laws that specifically discriminate based on gender? What are the travel forums saying? Is anything going on politically that make this place not safe to visit right now? Be intentional about your safety because you have to be.

2. Picked your destination? Cool. Go back to step 1. Where are the areas of this place to be mindful of? Where is the safest area to stay? Should you avoid areas at night? What are the reliable modes of transportation that are also safe? Map out the what of the adventure so while in the city you’re being as safe as possible.

3. Figure out your comfort zone. New to solo travel? You may be just dipping your toe in and not willing to do certain things. Maybe you won’t go out after dark alone at all. That’s ok. Your comfort zone can change and adapt as you continue to travel solo and learn what works for you. I prefer to stay in hotels when I travel solo. I like that they’re heavily populated, there’s someone at a desk up front 24/7, often security, overall it feels safer for me. Another woman might be perfectly comfortable at a hostel. It’s different for everyone. I also generally don’t like to be out walking late at night. It’s not for me. Other women like to be out and party and come home as the sun is. Again, whatever is best and more comfortable for your risk zone.

4. Come prepared. From having the right cash to registering my passport with local embassies to sharing my location with friends and family as well as sharing my itinerary, I make sure folks know generally where I’m at. I’ve also got the tools to get around as needed (the cash!). I ensure I can get service, WIFI or satellite wherever I’m going or a plan to know when I’ll generally be unable to get access to others. Additionally, I screen shot maps if I think some place might be a little remote and I won’t have access to Google maps. I keep my bags with me at all times. I know where the US embassy is. I’ve got Google translate on my phone. I keep my people informed if my plans change. I might be too safe, but I know what happens when you’re not. I’d rather be over prepared.

5. Be Smart. If it feels off it probably is. Listen to your gut. Also make sure you’re aware of your surroundings, don’t tell people you’re traveling alone, don’t get too drunk and out of control. All simple but important things to remember.

6. Have fun. Traveling solo is so cool because you are in charge of your day. You can choose to go hike 100 miles or go to the spa for 8 hours. You aren’t waiting on anyone else or considering anyone else, it’s all about you. Make the most of it.

7. Research. I’m a planner. Probably too much so. But I don’t want to miss anything. I love to research what people say not to miss vs what to pass on. I want to know where to eat, what to buy, where to see the local sights - I need all the information. In advance I’ll buy tickets and make reservations for things that are bound to sell out and then I just have my list handy for the rest. You don’t need to book every moment, but don’t go on the adventure and miss out on the things you wanted to see because you didn’t do a little research.

8. Reflect. I love a little journaling on the trip. And then again when I’m headed home. I love to recognize the grattitude for the experience, the joy I feel and how each trip changes me. Often times I’m already planning the next one so journaling focuses me to slow down and be present in everything that’s going on in that current experience.

Traveling solo is seriously the coolest thing in the world. Even though doing it as a woman requires extra work, it’s still worth getting out there and doing. It’s truly changed my life for the better and the person I am today is definitely greatly influenced by the woman who goes out into the world and gets shit done on her own.

Eloping

In October of 2025, my husband and I chose to elope on Safari in South Africa. And that shocked a lot of people.

Growing up, I loved watching Say Yes to the Dress, attending weddings and all things celebrating marriage. In all that time, I never imagined my wedding. I loved all the little details and the meaningful pieces, but as much as folks thought I’d want some big flashy wedding, that’s just never been the case.

I want a marriage more than I want the big expensive party.

So we chose to elope!

I’m still so happy that we chose to make the experience about our love and future together. I was able to enjoy the moments of being a bride thanks to the best family and friends without having the pressure of it all.

Obviously do what works for you, but I wanted to share my tips for eloping if that’s what you choose to do!

1. Understand what type of Elopement you want. Are you both ok just going down to the courthouse? Do you want an adventure? Align ahead of time on what you want and the expectations of that so that you avoid hurt feelings or misunderstanding. We wanted to elope together and do the big adventure with some of the pomp and circumstance but also wanted my family to be included. So we did the legal paperwork in the mountains with my parents and brother a few days before we left for Africa. I wanted to feel like a bride, do the photos, wear the dress, say the vows and he wanted to experience that too - but we didn’t want hundreds of people or to spend thousands of dollars on that.

2. Align on budget. While we didn’t spend on the big wedding, 2 weeks in Africa wasn’t cheap. It was less about the cost of a wedding and more about what that money would be spent on. We wanted to spend on an experience that’s important to us both - travel! So we didn’t spend the equivalent of a wedding, but we didn’t spend on a $35 courthouse moment either. At the end of the day, we aligned on what we felt comfortable spending on and how much.

3. Tune out the noise. Thankfully all the people important to us understood what we were doing. Not only that, they thought “oh duh, this makes sense!” Anyone who wasn’t supportive, we don’t speak to anymore. We are both grown adults and want to be surrounded by people who support our relationship and our dreams. It’s ok to question things, it’s not ok to then hear the healthy why and still pose judgement. Tune out those people in your life.

4. Do the research. Eloping is still something you need to plan. There’s laws first and foremost and those are different all over the world. There’s also a timeline to be mindful of in terms of getting licenses, securing photographers, etc. We did a package at the Safari we were on but it still took a lot of back and forth to get the details nailed down.

5. Enjoy it. My favorite thing about the experience was how many times folks asked how we were so calm. We were calm because we took care of everything important in advance and we prioritized the focus, our marriage. What was there to stress about?

I’m so happy with the experience of eloping. It’s everything I dreamed of and more. And we don’t have bills to worry about paying off from a wedding nor did we have to worry about any big stresses that come along with hosting that type of experience. I married my best friend on a mountain overlooking the African Bush with freaking giraffes and hyenas in the background of our photos. It was truly a dream I’m not sure I’ll ever get over.

Your wedding is your experience. Do what makes you and your partner the happiest and healthiest versions of yourself. It sets up the intention for your marriage and that’s not something to take lightly.

Never Settle

When I opened up more publicly on the socials about my partner (like I hadn’t said a word until I soft launched him the day we got engaged LOL), I had a lot of folks tell me it gave them hope. And that both makes me sad and really happy. Sad because 39 is hardly at some end of the road, late in life time to meet your person. And happy because people should be inspired to never settle.

I met my now husband on the apps, as one does in these times. I was at the point of needing to take a break from app dating when I met him; like I was about 24 hours from deleting the apps for a reset. So believe me when I say that I understand how absolutely depressing dating is. Especially in these times, especially in your late 30’s. But for me, it wasn’t about being older. The depressing part was because I’m old enough to know settling is never an option. Old enough to be comfortable and confident in myself, what I want and more importantly, what I deserve.

Let me be so very clear - I know my value and I would rather be single for the rest of my life than spend one minute in an unhealthy, unhappy relationship.

So what made me stick around and continue to get to know this one? What led me to get over my own bullshit (fear of commitment) and go all in - quickly at that?

1. He did what he said. If he asked me on a date, he followed through, and he planned a date. If we discussed calling or texting to check in, he did that.

2. He didn’t play any games. He believes in connection and if he’s interested in a woman, he doesn’t continue to date other women. He sees that relationship - whatever it does or doesn’t become - through before entertaining anyone else. I never had to question if there were other women, how many, or what stage he was at with them, it was just about getting to know me

3. He called me on my bullshit. I have a deep fear of commitment. And I’d never met anyone I was willing to push past that for to actually show up in a healthy way. He called me out in a realistic - not mean - way and it forced me to decide whether I was going to be better for myself and us or walk away.

4. He was an open book. Probably too open candidly. But he knew what he was looking for, he knew his strengths and weaknesses and didn’t want to put up any fronts. He wanted to show up authentically, share the good bad and ugly and see if we fit. I wasn’t ever wondering his story.

5. He was willing to do the work on his own bullshit. He’s not perfect either. He knows that. But when I’ve asked for the work to be done, the changes to be made, he’s done it. And I know he will continue to do so as we both grow and change together.

6. Our general values align. He’s progressive, a feminist and believes in being a good person to others. He values community, he knows I’m loud and proud about my social justice beliefs and actions and he’s willing to have tough discussions. He’s a former professional athlete and understands wins and losses and getting back up stronger. We both value experiences over money and things (but know we have to work hard to earn the money to do the experiences) and we don’t want kids (but want to resuce every dog in the world).

7. He shows up. I’m not perfect either (I know, wild). He loves all of me, not just the shiny parts. He shows up when shit is hard, he is a true teammate and I know that when things are hard we both can do anything.

8. He doesn’t believe in soulmates. And neither do I. We don’t think we are destined to be together. We actively choose each other everyday. And that’s bigger than any “God brought us here for each other” that is just not reality. We would both be perfectly fine without each other because of this. But we know life is better together, so we show up for each other every day.

I used to have a whole lot of nonegotiables that in fact are not important. I think a lot of it was protecting myself from pain. But you can refuse to settle and still understand relationships are not a fairytale. Marriage is the coolest thing in the world and also really hard. It always will be. Humans are flawed and ever changing and that means marriages are the same.

Yes, I wanted until 39 to find my person. No, that’s not old. I’d wait until 99 if it meant never settling. Please don’t let yourself get wrapped up in timelines or societal expectations. They’re not real. I love that I had 39 years to learn, date, grow, change, fail, have my heartbroken, explore the world, be independent, invest in my friendships and then find my partner. And I’m still learning, growing, exploring the world, investing in my friendships, being my own independent and wild woman. To love me means knowing that can never ever change. I’m a force of nature and I love that so much about me.

Yes, life is good with my forever human. But the longest and closest relationship I’ll ever have is with myself. I am most proud that relationship is on lock first so that settling was never an option for me.

False Narratives

Throughout your life you are going to encounter a whole lot of false narratives about you. At work, in relationships, lost friendships and in family. It is your job to recognize that 99% of these storylines do not require your time, energy or response.

People are entitled to their version of the story. Just as you are entitled to your version of every story.

Part of growing up and being emotionally and professionally mature is being able to say is this a narrative that will affect me in the future or is it something I need to let go of?

How do you know the difference?

At Work

• Does this narrative affect your career? If the answer is yes and it’s serious enough, take the proper steps to address the issue. If the answer is no, move on.

• Remember how you choose to react to a situation is often more important than the actual situation.

• Always err on the side of being overly professional. Your reputation in business is everything. And it’s so quick to be soured.

• Let your actions show up for you. Be so good at what you do, such a strong teammate and so on your shit that false narratives are never believed.

In Life

• Is this narrative going to matter in 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 years? I can promise you 99.9% of the time it won’t. Get over yourself and move on.

• If someone in your life is spreading a harmful false narrative about you, cut that person off. Period. That’s not someone you need disrupting your peace.

• Remember who you are. Be so confident in who you are and the morals, values and general goodness you bring to the world that these narratives do not allow you to waver in who you are.

False narratives are going to happen. Over and over and over. It’s the nature of insecurity, lack of maturity and just plain bad behavior. So what? They don’t define you, only your actions in response to them define you. And it’s my personal belief that it says more about the person spreading the narrative than it does about you.

This is 40

I recently turned 40! As a woman, I’ve been taught since a very early age that 40 is scary. Aging for women is bad. It’s all a lie. Aging is a privilege.

I’ve always been a bit afraid of aging too. I am very aware of how short life is and how precious of a gift this time we have is. But I’ve never feared looking older, not being what a woman is expected to be, not meeting societal timelines, none of it. My 30’s were amazing. Each decade has been so much sweeter than the last and I know the 40’s will be the same. That being said, let me impart a little wisdom on women in your 20’s and 30’s.

Women in your 20’s (Be 20-something)

• Your 20’s are a time of exploration. Do dumb shit. Make impulsive decisions. Have more fun. Let yourself be anything but perfect.

• Explore your career options. Take the time to do the things you aren’t sure are the right fit, or they’re scary to take a risk on. Your 20’s are for figuring out what’s possible

• Know your place and grind. At work you should also be willing to grind and do the other duties as assigned. Show your value, show you’re willing to do the hard shit and be someone people see the potential in.

• Be a girls’s girl. Please learn this young. Show up for other women and be someone who empowers other women. This will serve you for the rest of your life

• Go to therapy. Start young. Learn how to love yourself, deal with your trauma and become a better version of yourself

• Put your friends in boxes and have a whole lot of them. In your 20’s you’re learning who you are and who your people are. Know who you can go to for the fun, the deep connections, the support, etc. Start to figure out who brings you peace and joy so that when you get to your 30’s you have a strong core.

• Be kind to yourself. Your 20’s are hard. You’re insecure, exploring and have no idea what you’re doing. That’s the point. Give yourself a break. You’re going to make mistakes. Be a good person and do your best.

• Travel. Figure it out and go. Whether it’s to a city next door or a country across the world, travel. Learn about new cultures, meet different people, figure out that there is a whole big world outside of you.

Women in your 30’s (Show up)

• Show up better. You’re no longer 20, you’ve got enough life experience, learned enough lessons and know what’s right and wrong. Make less excuses and show up better for yourself and others.

• Stay in therapy. You should have the foundation of tools from starting therapy in your 20’s. Use your 30’s to really get deep and do big work. You can’t blame your trauma anymore, you’ve got to have tools and be putting them to action.

• Have goals and be working towards them. At work you should be in a steady career or working towards one. Be able to pay your bills and plan for the future. Things happen (layoffs, etc) but for the most part you should have a general plan and be putting the work in.

• Date intentionally. If your goal is marriage or long term and stable, stop playing games. Stop dating for attention. Date for the sole purpose of those goals. If you’re not looking for long term and stable, be open about that. Treat others with respect and avoid misunderstandings. Be intentional whichever path you’re on romantically.

• Love yourself. You’re old enough to know yourself and you’re too old to be insecure. Own the good parts, work on the bad parts but be so confident in who you are that others are unable to change your perspective of yourself.

• Make your circle small. Only invest in people who bring you peace and joy. Cut out the rest. You are not here to make everyone like you. Spend time with people who bring deep connections and make you better.

Getting older is a privilege. It’s so cliche but so very true. Getting to experience the years so many do not is such a gift. We get to exist at a time unlike any other before us and any after us. And we get to meet cool people and fall in love and win big at work and see the coolest places and it’s all so much bigger than telling women they’re over at 40. I’m excited for what my 40’s have to offer. And I’m so grateful to love myself and be in this place in life more than any other time before.

They're not wrong.

For as long as I can remember, I have had a really (really) healthy fear of commitment. So when I’d ask people how they knew their partner was “the one” and they’d all say “when you know, you know” I could not possibly roll my eyes harder. Turns out, they were all right.

Before I explain, I need to share three things:

1. I do not believe in soulmates. I don’t think that some person is born to be my forever. I do not believe there’s one true love. I believe timing is everything and you wake up each day and choose each other.

2. I take marriage very seriously. My parents have been married 40+ years and there isn’t a history of divorce anywhere in my family. We stay married.

3. As much as I’m now on board with when you know, you know — I am also very much a believer that you can’t ever really know. Because we cannot predict the future. People change, circumstances change. You hope you grow and go through it together, but you can only be sure in the commitment and love now.

When I met my husband, there wasn’t an instant “he’s it” for me. We met on the apps (obviously), we had really strong conversation and that continued when we went on our first date. I kept waiting for the catch because we connected so well on so many levels. The more we got to know each other, the more he started checking boxes.

When we met in person, the attraction was there (he’s absolutely smokin’ hot, I love that for me) and even more importantly, the conversation translated from text to IRL. He asked me questions, he planned dates, he did what he said he’d do and he prioritized getting to know me without the games.

And while I do not believe in sharing the most intimate parts of our relationship or our timeline - I do want to share that 1. we got very serious very quickly and 2. as much as I had my moments of panic, I have never been more sure of a decision in my life. The time leading up to our elopement, the elaborate trip we took (we got married on Safari in South Africa, more on that in another post), I felt unbelievably calm. I was so calm, people kept commenting about how low maintenance I was as a bride. For me, there wasn’t anything to stress about, the most important piece (our love) was the focus.

As annoying as it is, the whole “when you know, you know” turns out to be true. It’s of course an accumulation of feelings and actions (he challenges me to grow + puts in the work with me + we are aligned on the important values) but it really is this “oh this is what that’s supposed to feel like” moment one day.

I won’t ever pretend it’s perfect, relationships and marriage are hard, but I am so grateful I waited for the right one to commit to. That we choose each other. Because to me, being single isn’t embarrassing or a failure, staying in an unhealthy relationship for fear of being single is. I waited 39 years for the right person to commit to and I am beyond grateful for the timing. 22 year old me, 30 year old me, 35 year old me? We wouldn’t have been right for my husband. We probably wouldn’t have been right for anyone. We barely showed up for ourself.

But I sure am glad, at 39 (gasp, an almost 40 year old bride?! How dare I!) I am in a place to not only meet but show up for the man I married almost 2 weeks ago (overlooking the African bush, so dreamy).

If you’re still waiting, and still hearing people tell you that “when you know, you know” — it’s ok to roll your eyes. But keep your mind open to when that time and that person does come along. And until they do, continue to focus on yourself. On your growth, travel, friendships — live a really big and really full life. Lastly, do not ever, ever settle.

I do not want to girl boss.

It finally happened. I stopped caring about overachieving in my career.

What a turn of events.

Nothing in particular happened. I wasn’t fired. I haven’t quit. Nobody fucked me over. I’m just tired.

I’ve spent my entire life overachieving. At everything. An entire life of feeling like I’m not good enough, doing enough or achieving enough.

And now, I don’t want to do any of that.

I want to move to a beach in Portugal, open a cafe and bookstore with my gorgeous fiance and just live.

Realistically since I am not independently wealthy nor a trust fund baby, I’m going to need to work. I’m also still a little driven by that little voice in the back of my head that says “but be better.”

So here are my new career goals: be paid fairly, be respected, be challenged.

I don’t care what my title is. I don’t care to level up from whatever title you give me. I simply want to be compensated for what I bring to the table (which is a lot), I want to be treated with empathy and respect and I want to do work that doesn’t bore me.

I’m kind of a dream employee. I’ve reached the level of type A where I’m still going to give you really excellent work but I’m not going to require any oversight and I won’t bring any drama. I’m simply going to deliver and shut the fuck up. On repeat.

I’m so proud of the women out there becoming CEO’s and taking over the world, we need you (seriously have you seen who is in charge, we need you desperately) — but I mostly want to just take over this spot on the beach, or in a tiny cafe with a beverage and a book.

I want the rest of my career to be “she was really really good at what she did, but more importantly, she was chill as hell and a kind person to work with.” I want you to know that I’m a top performer, but that I’m also performing well at my passion — leaving the country and seeing the world. At meeting everyone I possibly can and learning about their cultures.

I do not want to boss babe. I want to leave work at work and create a life of adventure and softness and community and learning and doing anything but being bothered by my next promotion or what BS is happening with Capitalism today.

So that’s what I’ll be overachieving at. Making that dream happen.