Everything is Fake.

Have you ever caught yourself scrolling through your feed, looking at someone’s aesthetic home, flawless wardrobe, spontaneous middle-of-the-week trip, or perfectly balanced life, and thought: What am I doing wrong? How are they doing all of this?

If you have, take a deep breath. You aren't failing.

Thanks to social media, there is more pressure than ever before to have it all, do it all, and be it all. We’re told that with enough hustle, discipline, and a 5:00 AM routine, we can effortlessly balance a thriving career, a spotless house, perfect health, and an enviable lifestyle.

But here is the reality check we all need to hear a little more often: It’s all fake.

The Silent Partner: Money and Privilege

What social media conveniently leaves out of the frame is the structural safety net behind the lifestyle.

So much of what is sold to us as "hard work and good habits" is actually just privilege, money, or the luck of what you were born into.

When you see someone "doing it all," you aren't seeing:

  • The Invisible Support System: The housekeepers, childcare, meal prep services, or personal assistants that free up hours of their day.

  • Financial Safety Nets: Generational wealth, family seed money, trust funds, or partner support that offsets the risk of taking big leaps.

  • Built-in Advantages: Being born into access, networks, or financial stability that provides a massive head start before the race even begins.

It is easy to optimize every hour of your day when you aren't stressing about bills, household labor, or financial survival. Pretending that lifestyle is accessible to everyone through sheer willpower isn't just unrealistic, it's toxic positivity.

As if Women don't Deal with Enough

Y’all, I have spent my entire life unbothered.

Unhinged? Absolutely. But unbothered. For decades, I possessed the elite ability to coast along in one steady emotion, one predictable mood, completely and beautifully unconcerned about pretty much anything. I had my lane, I stayed in it, and life was extra but always a good vibe.

And then I turned 40.

For the last year, I’ve basically just laughed at the word perimenopause. Honestly, it felt fake. It also felt incredibly rude. You are telling me that after surviving decades of monthly periods and managing birth control my entire adult life, I now have to transition into a pre-menopause holding pen just to prepare my body for the actual menopause? Who authorized this blueprint? It feels like getting a pre-bill for a bill you already paid.

Thankfully, I haven’t had a lot of the standard physical symptoms people warn you about. No sudden internal combustion or middle-of-the-night sweat sessions. But the emotional side?

Go ahead and check every single box on the list.

  • Annoyed? Permanently.

  • Irritated? By breathing, mostly. And any time my husband doesn’t immediately tell me I’m perfect and gorgeous.

  • Forgetful? I can’t remember what I came into this room for, but I’m mad about it.

  • Crying? At least once every other month, usually at a minor inconvenience.

  • Tired? Deeply, in my soul. All the time.

My lifelong streak of being completely unflappable has officially been hijacked by my hormones. If you’re currently sitting in this same boat, wondering where your inner zen went and why everything is suddenly a little bit irritating welcome to the club. Where do we resign membership?

Perfection is a Myth

I only have memories of feeling like I needed to be perfect.

Maybe it’s from being an athlete since birth, where your worth is constantly measured by clear wins, losses, and a metric you are expected to beat. Or maybe it’s just the baseline tax of being a woman in a society that places entirely unrealistic, contradictory expectations on us at every single turn.

Whatever the root cause, for as long as I can remember, my entire life has been weighed down by a heavy, quiet sense of shame for simply not being perfect.

And let’s be honest: not only is carrying that expectation absolutely exhausting, it’s completely unrealistic.

In fact, the older I get, the more I realize that perfection is actually incredibly boring. Perfection doesn’t innovate. It doesn’t laugh at itself. I’d dare to say that not being perfect is a hell of a lot more interesting—and ultimately, a hell of a lot more successful.

As I’m getting older, I’m working really hard on shifting the goalposts. I am focusing less on perfection and much more on the actual experience. I am learning how to be messier, without offering a defensive apology for just being human.

I don’t aim to be the best at everything anymore. Instead, I aim to learn, to grow, and to actually have some fun along the way.

But look—while that is a beautiful sentiment to type out on a screen, I can openly admit that unlearning a lifetime of hyper vigilance is still a daily, tough battle. The programming runs incredibly deep. I am still my own harshest critic—and not in a casual, "LOL" kind of way, but in a serious, "thank God she’s in therapy" kind of way.

It takes constant, conscious effort to stop my brain from defaulting to hyper control when things get outside of my neatly organized comfort zone.

If I could pass on a single piece of hard won wisdom to anyone reading this who recognizes themselves in my words, it’s this: Learn to drop the weight sooner.

Don't wait until a crisis, a burnout, or a major life shift forces your hand. Do it now.

We waste years keeping our guards up, terrified that if people see our rough edges, our mistakes, or the moments we don't have it all together, we will somehow be "less than." We look at curated highlight reels and assume everyone else has cracked the code to a spotless life. It’s a collective lie we all participate in, and it's stealing our joy.

The most incredible, fulfilling parts of life—the real successes, the deep connections, the genuine fun—are not built on a flawless track record. They are built in the messy middle by people who are brave enough to drop their armor, get out of their own way, and choose growth over control.

Be kind to yourself. Hold yourself to high standards, absolutely, but stop letting your own demand for perfection block you from the beautiful, gritty, interesting reality of the life you're actually living right now. Learn it sooner than I did: you don't have to be perfect to be extraordinary.

Therapy in Action

A lot of the work I’ve done in therapy over the years has been to break down my walls and build healthy relationships—romantic, familial, and friendships. And while those tools have beautifully transformed my friendships and family dynamics, nothing has forced me to confront my own issues quite like being married.

Marriage is incredible, but it is really hard. It’s arguably even harder if you do it a little "later" in life. You are two fully formed adults with your own histories, strong opinions, and deeply ingrained routines. You’ve reached a point where you refuse to settle for anything that doesn’t make your life better.

Because of that, there’s no space for your bullshit to linger. Very quickly, you have to become open to being wrong, saying you’re sorry, and doing a whole lot of work to show up for your partner the way they need you to. And they should be doing the exact same for you.

I have trust issues, commitment issues, I’m stubborn, fiercely independent, struggle with PTSD and anxiety, and I am one of the most Type A babes you will ever come across.

I am also incredibly kind, loyal, loving, funny, hot AF, accomplished, smart, cultured, and athletic. I don’t want anyone to think that because I recognize my faults, I am not fully aware that I am a total catch. I am.

But my "added features" are also what make relationships a challenge. My brain doesn’t always compute when I’m the problem. Now, make no mistake—my husband has his faults too, and he puts in the work to overcome them. He drives me absolutely insane at times and hurts my feelings but he is a good man and incredible teammate who works hard to be better for himself and for us. Truly, if I were ever in a place where I felt unappreciated, disrespected, or that he wasn’t showing up for me, I would move on. I love myself enough to know that no partner is ever worth compromising my worth. But I can say with total honesty that the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face in life has been navigating the triggered parts of myself within this marriage.

I say all of this because in 2026, we are completely caught up in the perfect picture of relationships presented by the media and the Instagram highlight reel. I think the reason so many marriages fail today is because we have constant access to compare our worst days with fake narratives, fairy tales, and endless apps showing us "what’s next."

Marriage isn’t easy. But it can be a place where you do the hard work and navigate the hard days, while still being genuinely happy most of the time. And that happiness doesn’t come from grand gestures. It comes from the everyday, quiet little ways you each show up to say: Hey, I choose you again today.

All this to say: never settle for less than you’re worth, but don’t let your own bullshit get in the way of building a real, gritty, incredible fairy tale that actually works for you

What Does Anyone Actually Look Like

Between GLP-1, injections, surgery, and keeping up with fashion; I genuinely don’t know what anyone looks like anymore. We have more available to us than ever before and yet, instead of leaning into the ability to use those things to make us unique, we all look more and more the same and less like ourselves.

It’s honestly exhausting.

I am very much a believer in doing what makes you happy. Choosing whatever that looks like. But there is a massive difference between doing something because it genuinely brings you joy, and doing it because a relentless algorithm convinced you that you needed to be fixed.

We’ve traded individuality for a template. We are consuming the same content, buying the same fast fashion trends, and chasing the same filtered aesthetic. In a world that constantly tells us to "be ourselves," the collective pressure to conform to a specific, carbon copied standard of appearance has never been higher.

When did "less is more" become a radical concept?

The culture of constant optimization; the idea that every fine line, every curve, and every unique physical trait is a flaw to be corrected; is a hamster wheel with no exit. We’re burning an incredible amount of energy, time, and money just to look like a copy of a copy.

I love seeing people thrive. I love when people feel confident in their own skin. But real confidence shouldn't require a total erasure of the things that make us distinct human beings.

Maybe the most rebellious thing we can do right now is just stop. Stop chasing the next quick fix. Stop buying into the influencer driven narrative that we are constantly lacking.

I’m not saying stop caring, and I’m definitely not saying stop doing the things that make you feel good. I’m just saying it’s time to tune out the noise. Stop letting an outside narrative dictate your choices, and stop consuming what someone else was paid to promote. Instead, look inward. Simply do the things you are genuinely drawn to

An Update on being 40

I’ve been 40 for ~9 months now and while I still feel 28, it feels like a new and improved 28. 40 is a really scary age for women. It’s the official societal “she’s over” moment that’s supposed to make us panic and head directly to the plastic surgeon. It’s the “she looks good for her age” and the “well she’s 40 now” in whispers behind her back.

Thankfully, 40 for the women experiencing it is most often anything but the beginning of the end. 40 is the beginning of giving less fucks. Of never settling. Of restarting new careers. Of body and sexual confidence. Of prioritizing our needs.

I genuinely don’t feel 40 and yet I’m almost halfway through my time on this Earth — and that feels like a really serious age. Serious is a great way to describe what 40 has made me.

  • I’m serious about my time. I don’t say yes to everything. I truly consider if it’s something I want to do and if it isn’t, it’s a no.

  • I’m serious about my community. There are a small handful of people in this world that have the privilege of knowing me, spending time with me and that I’ll put the time and effort into. I have no interest in a larger circle.

  • I’m serious about my career goals. I don’t want a fancy title. I want to be paid my worth (I’m worth a lot). I want to be respected. I want to generally enjoy the people I do the work with.

  • I’m serious about enjoying the little things. I’m annoyingly grateful for life. I’ve been through a lot, so the little things are really important to me. Really good coffee. A gorgeous sunset. It’s all really special.

  • I’m serious about celebrating. Everything is a big deal. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Random Tuesday afternoons. I want to celebrate it all.

  • I’m serious about learning. And my favorite way to do that is to travel. I want to see everywhere and meet every culture and eat every food.

  • I’m serious about my future. I don’t plan to work until I die. My husband and I plan to move abroad sooner rather than later. We work towards that goal. We also take our health seriously. We know how precious and lucky we are to even be looking at a future.

40 is a scary age. Life is oh so short. But 40 is also the most magical time if you choose to see it that way. So here I am, ~9 months into 40 and I haven’t shriveled up and died. I’m the happiest, most confident version of myself and I’m living dreams I never thought possible. Every decade is such a privilege. Who knows, maybe my 40’s will be my favorite yet.

The Quince Edit

Alright, I’ve recommended Quince so much and gotten the most questions about Quince that I figured I’d do a little roundup of my favorite pieces. This isn’t sponsored, I’m not an influencer, I just really like good quality pieces that aren’t covered in name brands. Everything in this post I personally own!

The Small Expandable Carry On - $139

I wish I had found this before I spent $300+ on my Away carry on. I have since purchased this in the wine color and it’s everything my Away suitcase is for less than half the price! It’s a tiny bit smaller than the Away (which I like) but has the same features. I’m obsessed.

Italian Leather Triple Compartment Shopper Tote - $150

I work in tech so I usually carry some sort of branded backpack. I really wanted a grown up leather purse that holds everything and can be my travel bag for events. This one is super good quality, great size and has a center compartment for my laptop (fits my ipad at the same time!). I bought two smaller zipper bags on Amazon that hold my lipgloss, keys, etc.

Italian Pebbled Leather Sling - $74

Upgraded belt bag. I love this for a chic version of the Lululemon belt bag we all carry running errands. Perfect size for a wallet, phone, keys and a lippy!

100% Organic Cotton Boyfriend Crew Sweater - $39.90

This is an insane price for an organic cotton sweater. Great basic. Size down for a more fitted look and buy your same size for a little more oversize look.

100% European Linen Long Sleeve Shirt - $42

I own 3 of these! They’re an awesome Summer staple, especially for traveling abroad. I love layering them with tank tops and linen pants.

Stretch Crepe Pleated Shorts - $29.90

These are on sale right now as I believe they’re retiring the style! I have these in 2 colors and LOVE them. They’re such an elevated short for Summer and can be worn with tights in the winter.

Stretch Crepe Ankle Pants - $44.90

Another sale find right now that are a perfect classic work pant. Super stretchy and comfortable and the fabric feels very luxe.

European Linen Wide Leg Pants - $42

Another Summer favorite. Light, airy, not itchy and super cute with a tank or t shirt, especially when traveling abroad.

Alora European Leather Belt - $54

I love a classic black and gold belt that doesn’t have any branding. There are so many good staple belts from Quince!

Overall, I’ve had maybe one miss from Quince (Their soft joggers pilled after one wash) and the rest are absolute must buys. The quality, cost, free shipping, free returns - it’s such a good brand to buy from!

Portugal

Portugal is one of my favorite countries in the world. I just got back from another trip there and wanted to share my recommendations!

Lisbon

Where to Stay

  • The Alfama district is my favorite area of town to stay in because it’s so historic

  • Barrio Alto is also a really centrally located place to stay

Where to Eat

  • Prado :(make a reservation), cute as shit and so good

  • Time Out Lisbon: food and beverage stalls, super casual and so much fun and it seems touristy but locals definitely go

  • Graça 77 (tiny restaurant super casual and delish food)

  • Sky Bar (we got drinks there. It’s sort of touristy but the views are insane so I was sold)

  • Mercado de Campo de Ourique (smaller version of Time Out Lisbon but equally delicious and a great place to try lots of things. Tram 28 can take you there and I LOVED the tram)

  • A cevicheria: We stumbled upon this little restaurant not knowing it was such a highly rated spot. It had super fresh seafood and was so cute. 

  • Pateo - Bairro do Avillez: We found this before we went and thought it was super cute and it had thousands of ratings. Well worth it. Loved the vibe and the food was really fresh. We made reservations because it's very popular

  • Dallas Burgers : When you just need a burger, these are SO good!

What to See + Do

  • Sintra Day Trip (take the train first thing in the morning so you’re the first ones there, much more enjoyable)

  • St. George’s castle was super cool and had incredible views

  • Walk along the waterline by the bridge (lots of good people watching. Don’t eat at any restaurants in the plaza because obviously they’re for tourists and stupid expensive

  • Carmo Convent - really cool ruins, they also do random light shows on the old buildings which is rad

  • Jardins do Palácio de Cristal: These were such pretty gardens and fun to stroll. Lots of history and some super gorgeous views of the river.

  • Belem District: Visit the ornate Jerónimos Monastery, the Torre de Belém fortress, and the Monument to the Discoveries.

  • Santa Justa Lift: Ride this neo-Gothic elevator for panoramic views, especially at sunset.

  • Oceanario de Lisboa: One of the largest aquariums in Europe!

Where to Shop

  • Thrift stores. Lisbon has some of the best thrift stores in Europe!

  • LX Factory: Rad industrial area filled with trendy shops, cafes, and street art

Cascais

Where to Stay

  • Choose an AirBnB in the center of the old town. Cascais is so walkable and staying in the heart of old town is a must

Where to Eat

  • Almina: Really cute spot with amazing Mediterranean food and the freshest ingredients

  • Corleone: Fancier but incredible food + service

  • Hifen: Super fresh and creative menu with water views

  • Mana: Another cool vibe with delicious pizza

  • Burga Ramen: The coolest anime themed ramen restaurant with delicious ramens

  • Malicopa Taco Bar: Absolutely incredible street tacos and guac

What to See + Do

  • Walk everywhere! Cascais is so walkable and it’s so much fun to explore the cobblestone streets. Impossible to get lost, just walk!

  • The Marina: Head down to the Marina and grab some coffee and a treat at one of the coffee shops.

  • Boca Del Inferno: We walked along the coast over here to see the awesome rock formations and check out the waves crashing. Well worth the walk.

  • Beach: There’s some awesome beaches to lounge at and enjoy

  • Mercado Da Villa: The farmers market is open Wednesday and Saturday and has some amazing stalls. Grab yourself some fresh food and enjoy the people watching

Where to Shop

  • Mercado Da Villa: There’s a ton of handmade crafts and thrift finds Wednesday and Saturday at the market stalls

  • Track and Field: Europe’s version of Lululemom IMO and as a former track athlete, I’m obsessed. I spent way too much here

  • Casa de Peles: Incredibly good quality leather goods without the name brands so they’re all reasonably priced

  • Old Town Shops: Just walk around old town, you’ll run into so many little local shops with art, jewelry, clothing, etc

Porto

Where to Stay

  • Anywhere in the city center is perfect. It’s an extremely walkable easy to figure out city.

    • I love a Marriott and this one is supposed to be super chic and new

Where to Eat

  • 17 degrees bar for a drink (the restaurant is a little more fancy but delicious). The views here were just insane 

  • Base is this super cute bar across from the bookstore that JK Rowling wrote Harry Potter in and is on top of a building and just gorgeous on sunny days 

  • Down by the river there's a ton of cute little restaurants and small bars. We would walk around at night and find a place along the water to grab a drink. I don't even remember the names of places we would just stop if we saw somewhere cute or with live music

What to See + Do

  • River Cruise (we did a 45 minute river cruise under the bridge. It was cool history and a unique way to see the city and was maybe $20)

  • Walk everywhere (this city is so easy to navigate. We walked everywhere and just stopped at random bars and shops and markets). 

  • If it's still soccer season, Porto has a rad soccer team with a cool stadium. We got to go the last game of the season and it was amazing

  • Dom Luis Bridge: Walk across this iconic double-decked bridge for panoramic views of Porto and Gaia.

  • Torre dos Clérigos: Climb 200+ steps for 360-degree city views

  • Porto Cathedral: Explore this 850-year-old fortress-like cathedral for historic architecture and city views.

Where to Shop

  • Almada 13 (coolest store with lots of local handmade things. From house stuff to clothes to art, seriously could spend hours here)

Algarve Region

Where to Stay

  • The Algarve Region is super diverse. You can’t go wrong with Lagos, Faro or Tavira. Depends on what you’re looking for! My favorite is Tavira for more of a true beach vacation vibe.

Where to Eat

What to See + Do

  • Go to the beach! Seriously, grab a book, some beverages and snacks and lounge. For me the Algarve is for beach time

  • Explore the cliffs: Check out the views from all the gorgeous cliffs overlooking the beach

  • Boat Tour: Take a boat tour and check out the dolphins and other wildlife

  • Kayak: Kyak to the Benagil cave

  • Hiking: 7 Hanging Valleys trail is the popular spot

Where to Shop

  • I don’t have any specific shops to recommend but when you’re in the little towns, stroll the local shops!

Enjoy, Portugal is such a dream!

Less is More

I’m tired of being sold to. Even worse? I’m tired of selling to myself.

We are surrounded by a 24/7 loop of commercials, algorithms, and influencers telling us that happiness is just one more checkout button away. I’ve fallen for it more times than I care to admit. But looking around at the mountains of 'shit' I own, I’ve realized that my life has become a collection of things I didn't need, bought with money I should have kept. I’m done with the performance of consumerism. I’m ready for the 'Less.' I’m ready for the 'More' that has nothing to do with a shopping cart.

Let’s dive into solving this problem (It’s me girl, I’m the problem).

Quite Literally, Buy Less

This one is simple on paper, but a battle in practice: Stop spending money on things you do not need. My new golden rule is the 24-Hour Buffer. Before I hit 'complete purchase,' I walk away. Sure, there are exceptions for the rare, genuine 'need' or a long-awaited deal, but let’s be real: 99.9% of the time, I don’t need it. I’ve found that by giving my brain a day to cool off, the 'must-have' urge evaporates. About 90% of the time, I forget the item even existed. Turns out, I didn't want the product; I just wanted the hit of the hunt.

Declutter

For the last few months, I’ve been on a mission to excavate my own life. I’m going through everything I own and purging the ridiculous amount of stuff that was either never used, rarely touched, or bought in a moment of 'what was I thinking?' Because the process is overwhelming, I’ve mastered the 'Power Hour'—every few weeks, I spend sixty minutes ruthlessly sorting through clothes, jewelry, and those endless stacks of puzzles. The results? My home finally has room to breathe, and I’ve made over $2,000 on Poshmark in the last year. I’m literally getting paid to reclaim my space.

Get Intentional

Identify your 'Why.' What are you actually saving for? What are the things you’d do if you had more time and more capital? Write them down and keep that list within arm's reach. Every time you’re tempted to click 'Buy,' force yourself to answer one question: Which do I want more? Is it the $80 sweater, or is it that flight to Europe? Is it the designer handbag, or is it the freedom of an early retirement? Face the choice head-on. Are you chasing a 20-minute dopamine hit, or are you building the life you actually want to live?

Be Creative

You don't have to click 'buy' to get the thrill of something new. Since I work remotely but travel often, I’ve realized that investing in a stagnant 'work wardrobe' is a financial trap. Instead, I rent. It’s fiscally responsible and keeps my look fresh without the clutter. For events, stop buying one-hit-wonder dresses that will just collect dust—borrow from a friend and trade stories instead. And if you’re as appalled as I am by the price of denim lately? Stop overpaying. Buy a high-quality pair from a thrift store or pull an old favorite from the back of the closet and take it to a tailor. A $20 tailoring job will always look more expensive than a $200 pair of jeans that don't quite fit.

At the end of the day, you’ve got to commit to making a change. It’s not easy (it’s me still struggling to part with the jacket I haven’t worn in 2 years) but it’s so beyond worth it for the freedom from clutter and financial gain. Got tips? Let me know, I’m always looking for ways to kick consumerism’s ass!

Unfiltered

I am officially over the Influencer.

I am sick of the carefully curated brands, the staged morning routines, and the digital shrines people build to honor versions of themselves that don't actually exist. If I see one more aesthetic presented as a substitute for a soul, I’m going to scream.

We’ve traded our humanity for a narrative. We’ve turned our lives into products to be sold, using filters to sand down the edges of what makes us real. But a persona isn't a person. And frankly? I’m done buying what they’re selling. It’s time to stop performing and start living.

We’ve been told that to have a brand, we need to be a polished product. But in 2026, the most radical thing you can be isn't a brand. It’s a person. A whole messy human being.

The problem with a persona is that it requires constant maintenance. It’s a 24/7 job that pays in a currency (likes and follows) that doesn't actually buy happiness. When you live for the grid, you’re never fully present in the room. You’re looking at your life from the outside in, wondering if the lighting is right instead of wondering if the moment is meaningful.

Sitting on the sidelines? Consuming 'curated vibes' is like trying to eat a photo of a meal: you’re going to end up hungry and frustrated. We’ve been convinced that the 'good life' is something we can buy, do, or perform into existence. In reality, we’re just being sold a script by someone who’s getting paid to play a part. It’s time to stop trying to live someone else’s commercial.

Let’s be fair: not every persona is a lie, and not every influencer has sold their soul. But for the vast majority? It’s a performance. It’s a stage play that has started to bleed into our own living rooms, making us feel like our real lives are just 'bad takes.' I’m done with the rehearsals. Choose to show up messy. Choose to show up unfiltered. Give yourself permission to be a human being instead of a polished brand.

We’ve traded real-world wisdom for algorithmic 'advice.' It’s time to pivot back. Lean on the people who actually know your name. Stop scrolling for 'hacks' and start looking across the dinner table. If you want real wisdom, ask your elders for the life advice that actually stands the test of time. If you want a style evolution, raid your friend’s closet or ask for her honest take. If you want to level up at work, have the 'uncomfortable' conversations with your colleagues about worth and wages. Our best influencers aren't on our screens—they’re in our circles.