Eloping

In October of 2025, my husband and I chose to elope on Safari in South Africa. And that shocked a lot of people.

Growing up, I loved watching Say Yes to the Dress, attending weddings and all things celebrating marriage. In all that time, I never imagined my wedding. I loved all the little details and the meaningful pieces, but as much as folks thought I’d want some big flashy wedding, that’s just never been the case.

I want a marriage more than I want the big expensive party.

So we chose to elope!

I’m still so happy that we chose to make the experience about our love and future together. I was able to enjoy the moments of being a bride thanks to the best family and friends without having the pressure of it all.

Obviously do what works for you, but I wanted to share my tips for eloping if that’s what you choose to do!

1. Understand what type of Elopement you want. Are you both ok just going down to the courthouse? Do you want an adventure? Align ahead of time on what you want and the expectations of that so that you avoid hurt feelings or misunderstanding. We wanted to elope together and do the big adventure with some of the pomp and circumstance but also wanted my family to be included. So we did the legal paperwork in the mountains with my parents and brother a few days before we left for Africa. I wanted to feel like a bride, do the photos, wear the dress, say the vows and he wanted to experience that too - but we didn’t want hundreds of people or to spend thousands of dollars on that.

2. Align on budget. While we didn’t spend on the big wedding, 2 weeks in Africa wasn’t cheap. It was less about the cost of a wedding and more about what that money would be spent on. We wanted to spend on an experience that’s important to us both - travel! So we didn’t spend the equivalent of a wedding, but we didn’t spend on a $35 courthouse moment either. At the end of the day, we aligned on what we felt comfortable spending on and how much.

3. Tune out the noise. Thankfully all the people important to us understood what we were doing. Not only that, they thought “oh duh, this makes sense!” Anyone who wasn’t supportive, we don’t speak to anymore. We are both grown adults and want to be surrounded by people who support our relationship and our dreams. It’s ok to question things, it’s not ok to then hear the healthy why and still pose judgement. Tune out those people in your life.

4. Do the research. Eloping is still something you need to plan. There’s laws first and foremost and those are different all over the world. There’s also a timeline to be mindful of in terms of getting licenses, securing photographers, etc. We did a package at the Safari we were on but it still took a lot of back and forth to get the details nailed down.

5. Enjoy it. My favorite thing about the experience was how many times folks asked how we were so calm. We were calm because we took care of everything important in advance and we prioritized the focus, our marriage. What was there to stress about?

I’m so happy with the experience of eloping. It’s everything I dreamed of and more. And we don’t have bills to worry about paying off from a wedding nor did we have to worry about any big stresses that come along with hosting that type of experience. I married my best friend on a mountain overlooking the African Bush with freaking giraffes and hyenas in the background of our photos. It was truly a dream I’m not sure I’ll ever get over.

Your wedding is your experience. Do what makes you and your partner the happiest and healthiest versions of yourself. It sets up the intention for your marriage and that’s not something to take lightly.

Missed Opportunities

I am certain I have already met my husband. A few times.

The thing is, I don’t believe in soulmates. And I know that I have met at least two, maybe three men I could have married and had a perfectly wonderful life with. Sincerely. Not even an OK life with one, a really amazing life.

Yet timing is everything. And I’m not sure at those stages in my life, I would have been ready for that level of commitment.

And lately it has me wondering, just how many opportunities do you get in life to miss out on your happily ever after?

I don’t subscribe to what is meant to be is yours. I firmly believe we are active participants in our stories and timing can play a role, but you also have to be the lead character in order to secure your storybook ending.

I take full ownership for the fact that I was unable to make commitments to these men when they were presented to me as possible ever afters. Two of them are married, happily. And I root for them so much because they are good people. Their spouses are some of the best women. I actively cheer for them.

And yet at 33, I wonder, is my story going to be that I missed my opportunity for a leading man?

Growing up, I had the vision that I’d get married, have 2.5 children - do all the things we are taught to do. And yet, the older I get, the more I find that vision might not be what I really want.

I’m not willing to compromise. I don’t want to be the 50% statistic that ends in divorce. I don’t want to wait for a significant other when I could be out making my own adventure. I don’t think I want to ever be pregnant. I think about adopting.

I love the idea of doing life with a partner. But I also have started to think about life as my own partner.

The fact is I don’t like online dating. I don’t want to spend my time chasing men or waiting in places I think they’ll be at. I want to continue to grow, travel, smile, laugh, and make the most out of what time I have on this Earth. And if someone comes along and fits into that, I’m open to it.

Being 33 and single, it can feel hard. It can feel shameful. It’s a society that teaches you the end goal is to build a life together, check off all the boxes.

Some of us have different boxes we’d like to check off.

I’d like to encourage you to do what works for you. And only you.

We all miss opportunities. But I think we create new ones by choosing to see those original opportunities as cards we chose not to draw.

Relationship Goals

I freaking hate the idea of relationship goals. You know what my relationship goals are? They're to love myself and have a healthy confident relationship with me, myself, and I. I'd also like to have strong, happy, reciprocal relationships with the people I love around me.

Social media is a highlight reel. It's like Sports Center Top 10 for couples. And I find the couples that aren't in the healthiest, happiest relationships, are the ones posting relationship goals style content the most often.

Relationships are not easy. They're not perfect. When I hear a couple talk about never fighting, I know that couple isn't in a healthy mature place. People fight. Being monogamous takes work. To never disagree, fight, or struggle in your partnership, that's just not realistic.

To that end, its certainly every person's right to post whatever they want on the socials. It's truly nobody's business what you choose to share with the world. Your relationship is yours to put in the world however you see fit.

But I'm a human being. And you're annoying AF when you're out here pretending your love life is rainbows and unicorns when I damn well know your shit is one argument at Taco Bell away from completely imploding. And it is my business if you're sharing those pieces with me but fronting for the rest of the world on Facebook.

In my 20's I shared alllllll of my relationships on social media. I was young and in love and proud of whatever moment I was in. But I'm an adult now. And I know, that for all the times my romantic life seemed like a fairy tale, it certainly wasn't. From the abusive boyfriend who other women gushed about as being a dreamboat, to the one with the drug problem who seemed like a hero, there were flaws. Again, mine to share as I saw fit. But what I've learned is that the healthiest relationships are the ones you rarely see on social media. You catch a photo, a cute tag, but there's not that incessant need to say "look at how happy we are."

The less time you spend posting about your relationship, the more time you spend actually being in the relationship. If you're truly happy and developing a strong partnership, you understand the importance of that existing in the privacy of your personal world.

And for the women (and men) who constantly feel like they're not measuring up to the relationship goals of celebrities and their own friends - remember, what you see on social media, that's a show. It's carefully crafted, controlled content chosen because of the feeling it gives the person posting it. Whether that be genuine joy or compensation for something that's not measuring up, don't buy into the very small picture you see.

Relationship goals are a hashtag, and we all know those don't stay relevant long.

Haunting Season

My whole life has revolved around goals.  And plans.  And the idea that life is not meant to be wasted.  You must achieve, check off the boxes, and maximize success everywhere.  

Because of this, I'm constantly living in this world of feeling haunted by failure.  By a feeling of not having accomplished enough.  

I'm haunted by not hitting milestones.  I'm haunted by things I should have.  I'm haunted by the what if's.  

Obviously, if you've been reading my blog religiously, you know I've worked really hard to combat this idea of the perfect plan.  And realistically, a lot of the standard life milestones aren't even things I want for my life.  But there are those days when I feel haunted nonetheless.  

We exist at this weird time where the generation before us bought into the traditional plan but our generation is all about the nontraditional path.  

So how do you combat the haunting blues?  Honestly, I'm not sure if you should.  I think the best thing you can do is let them happen, understand the source of where they're coming from, and then move on with what makes you happy.

Great, easy enough but can you get a little more specific Ashley?  Because it's truly not that easy at 2AM on a Saturday when you're convinced you're a complete failure, a little intoxicated, and a lot of unsure how to come back from it all.  I feel you.  I've been there.  A lot.  

Something that haunts me often is my romantic status.  Growing up and well into my 20's, I was always attached to someone.  I assumed I would be married by 30 because that's the plan.  The more I realized I'd never actually been alone, the more I took a good look at the unhealthy relationships, the more I saw that I didn't in fact know what I wanted in a partner - the more I knew I needed to be completely single.

But now I'm 32.  I have moments where I think I'll never get married or I'll be SJP Sex & the City style and have my wedding at 45 - and I freak TF out.  I spiral into thinking did I miss the one for me?  Am I ever going to meet a man I can stand for longer than a week?  Am I destined to be single forever?  And down the rabbit hole we go.

Lately - I've even spent time missing someone I never even fully committed to.  Ill sit here and convince myself I should put myself out there, give it a chance, reach back out.  

But then I stop myself and I start to take charge.  I listen to the root of my fears and start to realize I'm freaking out because of feeling out of control in other aspects of my life.  That this in fact has nothing to do with my romantic situation at all.  I am looking for areas to find control in order to avoid the lack of control in the other chapter of my life.  Because realistically, I am quite content with my romantic status.

The sooner I'm able to understand the reason behind my psychotic hauntings, the sooner I'm able to get perspective and stop them altogether.  And the sooner I can go back to focusing on what I'm passionate about.

We are all haunted by this plan we (or society, or our parents, or whomever) create for ourselves.  Quite often we give ourselves unnecessary heart attacks because we think we aren't meeting these plans.  Take the time to feel the fears, diagnose where they're coming from,  and then refocus on what's important to you.  It's ok to be haunted, it's not ok to live in fear.  Failure isn't defined by milestones, it's defined by how much you allow fear to rule your life.