Boxes, Part Two

Awhile back I wrote about putting friends in boxes and understanding the role they play within your life.  Now I'm going to teach you the art of not fitting into the boxes people put you in.  I know, hell of a confusing stance on boxes isn't it?

In life your people will put you into boxes.  And for the most part, these will be social or friendship categories that you fall within their circle.  But sometimes the people in our lives get a little too actively involved in who we are and create these constraints as to who they think we are.  They choose to define our roles in the world for us.

For example - as long as I can remember - some of the people in my life have put me into many roles based on how they view my choices and who I am.  I'm a failure because I move jobs a lot.  I'm angry because I'm outspoken.  I'm a bimbo because I'm so bubbly.  I've been labeled about 1,000 things for as long as I can remember - and when that comes from those closest to you, it can affect you for a really long time.  It can create a pain that's hard to get rid of.

The good news?  You can get rid of it.  Bust out of those boxes and define your own damn life.  

It took me a lot longer than I'd like to admit to stand up to the people who have ignorantly chosen to put me in certain boxes.  And I have often been made to be someone I'm not when I do stand up and say - that's on you, that's not who I am.  

BUT - the more I do say that's your circus, that's how you choose to see me - and then wash my hands of that label - the more power I feel.  The more confidence I feel in who I actually am.

I'm not a failure - I'm successful, I am brave, and I am far more career savvy than many give me credit for.  I am not an angry human - I am happy, passionate, and I am inherently kind.  Being positive, upbeat, and a damn sparkler - that doesn't make me a bimbo, it makes me a shining light!

People who put you in boxes that define who you are in their mind are insecure.  They are ignorant to your truth.  They're wrapped up in who you are, when they should be wrapped up in their own lives.  You cannot control them.  You can't change their opinions.  But you can continue to define your own life.  To decide on your own who you are and then stand on your own for who that is.  

People will always talk about you.  They'll always pretend to know more about you than you do.  And that has not one MF thing to do with you.  

Safe Spaces

A few months ago I was out at a bar in Dallas and stepped outside to take a FaceTime from a friend in London when a drunk man walked by, grabbed my butt with two hands, and ran away.  I immediately turned around and screamed at him to come back.  That what he'd done was not okay.  His friend came over to me, grabbed my arm and apologized for his friends behavior - blaming alcohol.  Whipping my arm from his grasp I began to launch into a lecture about how alcohol is not an excuse to touch someone without their consent.  The friend laughed, told me to calm down.  Soon enough, security came over to find out why I was so upset.  After explaining what happened, the drunk and his friend were escorted out of the bar.  The security guard apologized.  I remember his words distinctly "You know how drunk men can be." Exasperated, feeling violated, and quite frankly angry - I responded that as a victim of sexual assault, I unfortunately do.  And because of people like you, having the attitude that you do, it's very likely I will know what that feels like again.

When I sat down to write about this story, I realized every time I spoke it out loud, I was justifying why I felt and reacted the way I did.  And that's the problem.  I was physically violated, in a very sexual way - and yet I feel the need to justify my outrage.  That's a really big problem.  Why do we live in a culture where the victim has to explain why being touched without her consent makes her feel angry and scared and unsafe?  Not just why, but how did we get here and how do we change that culture?  

Unfortunately my experience is not a rarity.  How many times are we women out at a bar or a sporting event or festival and a man "accidentally" grabs onto you as he makes his way through the crowd or claims hes "just trying to get by?"  How many times have men brushed up against your backside or even your breasts?  And how many times have you felt uncomfortable in those situations and said nothing?  Even justified it as an accident to yourself.  Let it go because everyone was drunk.  Excused it as just what being at a bar was like.  

Maybe I've become an  angry old grump at the ripe age of 31 - but I don't believe that's what being at a bar should be like for a woman.  Let me stop myself right there - I just qualified my feelings again.  I am not a grump because I want to feel safe and respected.  I am a human being who deserves to enjoy a drink - even several drinks - at a bar, with my friends or with myself, without having my personal space invaded.  Without fear of assault.  Of being touched by someone who is just too drunk.  I want to spend my money on beers and rose like the rest of the world without worrying about inappropriate behavior because that bar has my back.

I'm tired of bars using being drunk as an excuse for everything.  As the provider of the alcohol it's legally (and morally) on you to be responsible for not over serving anyone who is too intoxicated.  I can't tell you how many times I've seen absolutely hammered people continuing to order and be served drinks at a bar.  That's just stupid.  It's not worth the $12 to put yourself in that kind of situation.  From a business perspective, the better, safer, more responsible environment you provide - the more the young professional crowd is going to frequent your establishment.  And those are the people with the money.  Not the 22 year old Sac State student who comes for happy hour.  From a reputation perspective - when you create a space everyone feels equally respected - women will talk - we love to talk - we will tell our friends and you will start to see new regulars.  

Let's recap - creating a place where women have the opportunity to reach out and say "I'm uncomfortable" is both a good business decision and it will boost your reputation, again increasing your bottom line.  Now ignore business.  Think about creating a place that women feel safe from a purely doing the right thing standpoint.  Become the business that values women because you care about women as human beings.  Create a culture that values equality and the age old concept of treating others as you wish to be treated.  And then see your business grow, your community flourish, and your overall quality of life thrive.  

It's 2017 - it's time we held our businesses accountable for the space in which they provide to consumers.  And to do this, we need to hold ourselves accountable for respecting the safe spaces these businesses are to create. .  

Career Advice: Part 284, Titles

I hear a lot of people these days talking a lot about titles.  Whether they want to be a Director, a VP, Manager, President of the Universe - a lot of time is spent by a lot of people trying to be crowned with a certain title.  I've got some news for you - what you are called matters a lot less than what you do.

Between most companies, titles are often disproportionate.  They don't easily interchange.  A Director in one agency may simply be an account executive with a different organization.  As you're building out your career path, focus less on what people call you and more on what you are called upon to do.

The best way to set yourself up for success in your future career journey is to look to gain responsibility.  You can do this by:

• Managing staff
• Being given a larger work load
• Managing more accounts
• Achieving higher thresholds in your numbers
• Hitting larger goals

Whatever you're doing now, look to add a level of responsibility and expectations to your role.  Set higher goals.  Increase your management skills.  Develop your accounts and relationships.  

Think of it this way: the more you do, the more value you provide to your company and your specific role, the more likely you are to get promoted.  But if you're always looking at what you're called, that doesn't necessarily define what you can do.  How many of us know someone with a fancy title yet you're always wondering what they do?  Ever had a supervisor who sticks a lot of their work load onto you?  

You should also think about it in relation to interviewing and growing into the next phase of your career.  A company doesn't care if you're the Associate Director of Shiny Things if you don't have the skills to do the role you're applying for.  Nobody cares if you're a hot shot in name if you cant produce results.  Always be growing, learning, and adding skills to your resume - not collecting titles.

Career goals should never be defined by what you're called.  They should be defined by what you're doing to better yourself, maintain strong passions for what you do, and what you're contributing to the goal of the organization.  As you're building your resume and paving your path to greateness, focus less on what you want to be called and more on what you want to do.

Proud NOW

I read a quote on IG the other day (which is where all motivational quotes come from) that said "Be proud of where you are now."  And that really resonated with me in my current state of making the moments count. 

Since I was a teeny tiny squish - I have planned what I would do and what I would achieve someday.  And in all that planning - I often forget to celebrate where I'm at now.  I forget to give myself a high five for all the little wins that will eventually get to me to the biggest wins of my dreams.

I may not be where I want to be, I may not have checked all my boxes, but I've achieved a lot of things over the years that should not be taken lightly.  I made why way into the world of events with little experience, I ran track at a D1 school, I worked for a professional sports team.  I got over my fear of flying by getting on a plane almost weekly at this point.  I traveled out of the country.  I risked it all and left the comforts of California.  I fell in love. 

And every day - I'm getting those small wins.  Am I where I want to be at the end of the day?  Probably not because type A people are never at their peak - but I do a lot of really awesome things.  And I need to remember to take the time to give myself a gold star for where I'm at now.  

I've made it through the struggles and I've refused to give up when I thought I could never stage a comeback.  And I've got a lot of wins to celebrate.  Instead of dwelling on where I'm not, I'm going to celebrate where I am.  It seems pretty silly to let all the little things pass you by when you could be making the most of the journey by popping bubbles and confetti much more often.

Whether it be having a difficult conversation at work, going on a first date, getting an interview for a job, sticking that new pose at Pilates, I'm going to celebrate it.  These little victories are what make my puzzle complete, why wouldn't I make sure each piece has a little extra sparkle on it?

Diary of an Axious Person: Part 68

I'd like to give a shout out to ME.  Over the past few weeks I have made a HUGE commitment to myself and my physical and mental health.

At work, I've had the tough conversations around my time and boundaries.

I've gone to workout classes or gone trail running 5-7 days a week for the last THREE weeks.

I'm using NO as a complete sentence.  

And the results are dramatic.  

I've always been a workaholic.  It's truly been the biggest struggle to learn that being the best employee means recognizing boundaries in the work place.  As much as I've said over and over that I refuse to succumb to a life of all work and no play, I still don't think I've mastered what that equilibrium looks like.  And if I'm really honest with myself, I still work too much and I still allow work to upset my mental health balance far too much.  But recently - I've burnt out so badly that I got myself in a dangerously depressive place.  Thankfully I recognized it and created a plan to combat those emotions.  Because of that, I was able to pull very quickly out of that depressed place and create steps to securing a healthy balance for my future.

Fitness has always been a passion of mine.  Since I was crawling, I was involved in sports.  I was a competitive athlete until I was 21.  After college I struggled with how to workout on my own.  Without the disciplined guidance and meets to prepare for - I didn't really know how to best create a workout plan.  I've either created these unattainable schedules or I drop off the wagon.  I struggle with finding workouts that challenge me without aggravating my injuries.   About 3 weeks ago, I joined Class Pass (and then switched to Studio Hop).  I've consistently been trying out different types of fitness and I've fallen in LOVE with the way I feel mentally and physically.  Whether it be reformer Pilates, boxing, yoga, or circuit training - I truly look forward to the classes I'm taking.  I've even lost weight apparently - which is a nice side bonus!

Lastly - I've started say no.  End of sentence.  No explanation.  No qualification.  Just no.  Any by doing so, I'm empowering myself to do more for ME.  I don't need to explain why I don't want to do anything.I don't need to tell work why I can't travel one weekend.  My personal life, my personal time is just that  - PERSONAL.  

The lesson for this update?  Put yourself first.  Be selfish.  I know I certainly spend a lot of time worrying about other people and how I can help their lives but at the end of the day that can leave me very empty.  And when I'm on empty, I don't take care of ME.  If you don't take care of you, you're eventually going to find yourself on empty too.  Being selfish is critical to your health and happiness.  A lot of people who suffer from anxiety spend so much time worrying about everyone else that the idea of being selfish only gives us more anxiety.  Until you make the decision to be selfish, to keep yourself full too, you'll never be able to successfully exist in the world.  When you're thinking of others, don't forget to think of YOU too.

Negativity: A Cycle

I know it probably seems like my whole life I've been this happy, sparkly, positive Polly.  I talk a lot about shiny things and glitter and rainbows.  But alas, I have not always been the Sunshine that I am today.  And even being the ray of sequins that I am - I have days where my sparkle dulls just a little.

 Today, we talk about the type A people out there who are harder on themselves than anyone could ever be to them.  The people who get caught in a cycle of negativity and quickly spiral to a really dark place.  They think one negative thing about themselves and it shoots off in twelve directions with thirty two other negative thoughts and on repeat this adventure goes.

If you're one of those people who is a perfectionist, an overachiever - an I'm never good enough thinker - this post is for you.  I hear you dwelling on the small mistakes, doubting your skills, over analyzing every inch of your appearance.  I feel you suffering internally while you smile on the outside.  And I heavily relate to the overwhelming cloud that hangs over you when you're in a downward spiral. 

BUT - there's hope!  There's a way out.  And while I'm not an expert - I can speak from my heart and my own fight to get to a place where I am able to avoid the spiral - and I hope that if you're reading this, I can help you from a survivor's experience. 

Acknowledge the Cycle

In order to be able to start healing, you need to acknowledge you're in a bad place.  You have to stop hiding behind the smile and accept there's a real issue.  You can't brush it off as a bad mood or a bad day - you have to say I have a lot of these, I get really negative, and this is a problem.

Commit to Change

This is all sounds very 12 step and maybe that's why that's a successful program - but the basics ring true here too.  You acknowledge the problem and now you have to make the decision to actually change.  You can't keep letting the cycle repeat itself.  And you can't complain about it if you're not willing to make moves to make it better.  So before you go further, honestly ask yourself if you're willing to put the effort in for change.

Acknowledge Your Triggers

We all have triggers.  The things that we are most insecure and the most sensitive about.  Figure out those triggers and write them down.  Face them head on and acknowledge what they are to you.  Try to understand why they're triggers.  Get to the root of why they exist so that you can figure out how to combat them.  My triggers are my body, success in my career, and letting people down as a friend. 

Avoid Your Triggers

I know, this is exactly the opposite of what I just told you.  But for me - being able to beat my triggers required me avoiding them for a period of time to allow the wounds to heal.  I grew up a competitive athlete.  Until I was probably 24 - my body was pretty damn awesome.  But I don't workout 4 hours a day anymore nor adhere to the best diet all the time.  That's caused me to be extremely critical of myself and the way my body looks.  I used to be absolutely awful to my body.  I hated it so much I would call myself the worst names possible.  So I stopped looking in the mirror and started focusing less on what I looked like and more on how I felt.  If you compare yourself to people on social media, get off social media.  If you dwell on your mistakes, make yourself busy so that you don't have time to think about them.  The point is - pull yourself away from whatever is pushing you into a downward spiral until you're able to be around those things and cope effectively.

Take an Active Role in Your Happiness

Replace the negativity with positivity.  Make a list of 25 things that make you happy.  These should be small things you can do with little effort and with no planning.  Some of the things on my list are go for a run, eat some chocolate, cook a meal, go to a fitness class, call a friend, write, and snuggle with my puppy.  Create a list of realistic things that can give you an instant mood booster so that when you feel yourself getting to a negative place, you have a way to stop, say I'm not going to let myself spiral, and in turn you do something that makes your heart happy.  You should be doing things every single day that make you happy.  And yes, THINGS, not one thing.  Many things.  Your day should consist of lots of happy.

Hold Yourself Accountable

Its going to be the toughest struggle.  And there will be days that suck.  There will be days that take you back to that negative place.  Hold yourself accountable.  Stop yourself when you start to go south.  Do not allow yourself to fall down.  Recognize that you're in your head and your triggers have showed up and tell them no.  You get 5 minutes to feel negative and then you stage a come back.

Call on Your Team

We've all got our support system.  Call on them for help as you commit to getting better.  Friendship is about being there for each other.  And you need your squad in order to get through the hardest parts of your life.  Ask them to help you be accountable to this new journey.  When you start to get negative, ask them to call you on it.  And don't allow yourself to get upset with them when they do call you out on your unhealthy behavior.  Being in a negative cycle affects the people around you, getting better makes their life better too - let them help you.

Allow Space for Your Triggers

When you've gotten to a place that you're able to experience negative things without spiraling, slowly start to incorporate back in your triggers.  For me, that's been looking in the mirror more at my body.  It's been facing mistakes without allowing them to define me.  It's never allowing not being perfect to take away from the amazing woman that I am.  For you, that may be incorporating back in social media, it may be dating again, whatever it is - being able to have them around you without breaking down is the goal.  It's accepting yourself for your flaws but seeing them in a new light.  It's controlling what you choose to control and then letting go of what you cannot control. 

Own Yourself

The key to happiness is being able to be you, as you are, alone.  It's being able to love you, as you, for you, without validation from anyone else on the planet.  It's being able to exist in a world of triggers and being able to stand up and say NO.  I am enough and I don't need anyone else to prove that because I know its true.  Until you can live in a world where you define you, uplift you, and love you - the negative spiral will never leave you.

As always - do what works for you.  Get help where you need help and don't you ever feel like there is anything wrong with you for feeling the way you feel.  Life is a battle.  It's a constant test.  But the beauty of that test is that you've got all the tools in your arsenal to not only pass, but to thrive.  Sometimes I still feel utterly stuck, and helpless, and despair.  But because I've chosen to work every single day to be better and live the best life I can - I don't stay in that bad place long.   At the end of the day - I've got a lot to offer this world - a hell of a lot of sparkle to give.  I'm more than my triggers.  And I know you are too.

#SparkleOn

Hard Knock Life

Everyone has hard times.  Everyone goes through unpleasant sometimes devastating situations.  My whole life I've been taught to downplay my own feelings during these times because someone else always has it worse.   And that's true.  But just because someone else has it worse, doesn't mean that I can't have a bad day too.  The more you brush off your pain, the less you allow yourself to process that pain, the more it builds up and the worse off you are long term.

Now there is absolutely something to be said for having perspective and realizing where your problems are on the grand scale of life but its more than ok to take a moment to be sad, hurt, mad, or struggle with what you're going through too. 

I hear a lot of people who have been raised on the same philosophy.  When they tell me about something hard going on in their life, they often qualify it with "I know I'm lucky and don't have a right to complain." and that's part of the problem.  You do have a right to complain.  You're not disqualifying the hardships of others simply because you need to talk about something you're going through.

I've learned that because I spent so many years not feeling the hard things in my life, I'm not as equipped to deal with them in the most successful way.  I ignore problems until they get overwhelming.  I push feelings down until they become unmanageable.  I refuse to talk about things until I'm at my breaking point.  And had I taken the time to check in with myself when these situations occur, they would probably be a lot smaller issues and be easy to overcome. 

The point is - life is hard.  We all go through things.  Some are harder some are easier.  Some of us deal with things better than others.  But just because someone else is going through something worse does not mean you cannot feel pain.  Keep perspective but absolutely talk and feel whatever you're feeling so that you can more quickly and successfully move on from the negative situation and back into your sparkliest life.

Friendship Bracelets and Pinky Swears

I'm not a very good friend. 

Now I'm sure that my best friends will disagree (hopefully) but I can explain. 

I'm always there for you when you need me. I'll check on you when you're hurting.  I will never let you fall.  I'll be your biggest cheerleader. I have your back every step of the way. I will tell you I love you every chance I can. And I will make sure you know how wonderful you are. You will never feel unloved by me.  If you're on my team, I've got you.

But I'm not a good friend because I don't expect the same of you.  I don't allow you to know when I am hurting.  I don't tell you all of my problems.  I push you away. I don't call like I should. I don't ask you for help. I don't tell you when you've hurt my feelings. I don't allow myself to be a good friend.  To give the same vulnerability to you, that you give to me.

I know I've got issues. And I can list them out in a neat little color coded document. And the biggest one is that I am too independent.  I don't rely on anyone for anything.  I don't allow myself to show emotions. I never ask for help. And it all makes me a bad friend. 

Last summer I went through a lot. And eventually I broke down and told a good friend about some things going on in my life.  She was shocked. Not by what was happening but that I was opening up and breaking down.  She told me that I never ask for help. That I always seem ok. That I never seem like I need anyone.  That I'm my own one woman show. 

And that shook me up. Really messed with my mind.  Because she wasn't wrong.  She was in fact very correct that I express my love and loyalty so well to my friends but don't ever allow them into my heart or mind.  

Now in the last year I've gone through a lot. And I've opened up about it to some but I haven't put the effort in to keep the communication up. I haven't kept opening up to them and strengthening our bond.  Without my commitment to doing so, the relationships start to fall off a little.  And then I get really sad.  I start too feel like maybe I'm not valued as much in the squad.

But that is simply not true.  I am very important to my people.  And they love me very much.  Which brings me back to - I'm not a very good friend.

How do people know you feel left out if you don't tell them?  If you never take the time to talk on thephone, how do you expect people to call you?  If you don't show people that you have feelings and need to feel supported too - how do you expect them to ask if you're ok?  The point is - I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to friendships. 

And it only took me 31 years to figure it out. 

As always - I'm about solutions and making myself a better person and not letting the good life pass me by. 

So here's what I'm going to do:

Call Myself Out on my Own BS

I'm going to stop making excuses, stop being a bad friend, and focus on recognizing when I'm being my own worst enemy.  I'm going to stop making excuses, and start taking an active role in my responsibility as a friend.

Make the Effort

I'm going to talk on the phone more.  I'm going to do the random texts.  I'm going to be vulnerable with the people that I trust the most.  And I'm going to go all in.  I've got a small squad but they are the absolute best there is.  I need to show them that I trust them and value their support.

Commit to Going All In

Lastly, I'm going all in.  I don't need to hold back or worry about how my friends will judge me.  I also need to worry less about being a burden and realize that friendships are based on mutual need. 

Friendships are hard.  And being a good friend is about more than being there for your humans.  It's about being able to trust your people enough to open up and allow them to be there for you too.

Ashley Silva: Published Author

For years I have been a lot of talk when it comes to my passion projects.  I focused on work and building my career and let the things that make me feel alive slip to the side.  And then - one year ago - I started my blog.  For an entire year I have posted three times a week.  365 days of committing to a passion project and it feels damn good.

10 years ago I started talking about writing a book.  I didn't know what I wanted it to be about but I knew I wanted to one day be a published author.  Well here I am - with lots of drafts, notebooks full of ideas - and books about how to publish a book.  But alas - no book.

So now - I'm committing myself to making this passion project a reality.  It may take me 6 months, it may take me 6 years - but I am going to publish a book.

And now that I'm saying it out loud, publishing it on my website (which I plan to continue keeping up with - for the fans obviously) - it makes it a must do.  It's a little scary making a public declaration because there's more pressure to follow through.  But I've dedicated myself to improving my personal life and living out all of my crazy dreams outside of my career.  And I have every intention of never going back to the life of the career tunnel vision. 

Well rounded boss babes are deeply fulfilled in their personal lives.  And publishing a book will make me feel like I can conquer the world.

So you heard it here first - I am working on a book!  I still don't know exactly what it will be about, but it will be funny and it will reflect the extra sparkle that I am.  Stay tuned because I'm going to need all of you to buy it and make me filthy rich.  Passion projects are after all supposed to fulfill my ultimate goal of retiring on a secluded island full of puppies and wine.

Thank you for all your support sequins!

Boundaries?

if you were to look up type A personality in the dictionary, you would see a flawless photo of ME.  And at work, I am even worse.

I am constantly overachieving, I have issues letting go of projects, and I'm always volunteering for more.  Because of that, I have no boundaries.

I get myself in these overworked, no work life balance situations and think NOT AGAIN WHY ME?! But if we are being honest - it's kind of my own fault.

Its so wonderful to be the go to rock star at work, and it feeds into the idea that you need to keep saying yes - but if you don't set boundaries you're going to find yourself saying no to YOU.

Boundaries are critical to maintaining your value in the workplace (honey don't allow yourself to do the most without getting your worth) and they're critical to preventing burnout. 

I know Sequins - here comes the part where I make another effing list. We get it I'm type A and making neat little lists, that's really not going to help the problem. Step one, admitting the problem, step two, creating a list about the problem - er, right?

Boundaries. I don't have any and I need them.  So what's a girl to do?

Recognize what boundaries are

I need to start realizing what's my role, and what is exceeding expectations and being a boss babe without overstepping into someone else' space.  It's understanding I don't have to say yes to everything to be successful.  I can simply own my own projects, make them amazing, and create that balance between work rock star and having time for personal life excellence too. 

Understand the importance of boundaries to my life

I have made a very serious commitment to work life balance.  I've spent the majority of 10 years working too much and putting my career first.  When I say that I don't want that life anymore, that balance is what matters to me, I mean it.  And anything that threatens my ability to have a happy healthy personal life, it's a deal breaker.  That being said, I'm in an industry that demands a lot on my life.  So I understand when I say I need boundaries, that could come with reprocussions.  It could mean a company values work horse over my talent.  I have to be willing to accept the consequences of setting the boundaries I have chosen to set. 

Put the boundaries in place

Im at the point that I'm well aware of the times I need to stay in my lane. I know when I should walk away, shut up - and mind my own business. But type A Ashley she taps me on the shoulder and she's saying "Hey Babe but we could just quickly involve ourselves in this one, promise it will be no big deal" and then I'm stuck on a project that is sucking my soul out all day.  I know my weakness, it's being able to act or rather don't act that's my problem.  So this is where I start small.  I leave work early.  I don't answer emails after 5 (fine 6).  I refuse to talk about work after work.   

Stand firm

I've got boundaries now.  I'm actively working to create a balance and separation and keep my unicorn in my own lane.  But now I need to go big and vocalize the boundaries and push back when they're tested.  I know I work hard. I know I deliver some damn good results. And I know that whenever I'm asking for boundaries, they're reasonable and professional.  It's time to speak up, stick to my guns, and be prepared for whatever comes next

I will always be type A and I will always struggle with when go let go of the reigns at work.  I realize that a lot of my complaints about my career are well within my control. If you're struggling with your work life, consider setting boundaries and communicating with your leadership what those boundaries mean to you.  The best companies understand that the best employees have a balance and maintain reasonable boundaries when it comes to work.  And if you're somewhere that you can't set boundaries, you may want to consider changing your situation.