Love Thyself

Valentine’s Day is upon us and although I really don’t talk much about my relationship status, I do love to talk about my love for myself! So this Valentine’s Day I want to celebrate loving yourself!

The greatest relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself — celebrate that and get yourself a gift this Valentine’s Day! Whether you can afford an actual gift or just a night in to yourself, here are some amazing ways to love thyself for every budget!

Spa Day

Spend: Book a whole day at a spa! Schedule a massage, facial, the works! While you’rethere, make use of the sauna and any meditation or yoga classes offered! High end spas have some very safe protocols in place!

Save: Create a spa at home! Light a candle,turn on some music, take a bubble bath and do a face mask! While you’re at it, paint those nails and exfoliate that skin!

Decadent Meal

Spend: Make a reservation at a restaurant you’ve always wanted to splurge on, and go ahead and order dessert (outdoors only please!).

Save: Either order in some takeout from a local restaurant (bonus points for supporting local!) or cook a meal at home. There’s plenty of good wine for under $15 to enjoy while you dine!

Shopping Spree

Spend: Had your eye on that gorgeous coat? BUY IT! Wanted those expensive boots but couldn’t justify the cost? Time to hit purchase! Get yourself something you’ve really wanted, you deserve it!

Save: Hit up a local thrift store! The thrill of the hunt is so much fun and bonus points, it’s great for the environment!

Fitness Fun

Spend: Pay for a private lesson to the studio you fell in love with. It’s a great way to take your workout to the next level and get some 1:1 adjustments to make future workouts better!

Save: Take an online class or get outside and enjoy a hike in nature. There are so many ways to enjoy classes without paying the private price tag. You could also sign up for the first class free pass at that fancy studio around the corner!

Flower Delivery

Spend: Call up the local florist and treat yourself to a monthly delivery. Setup 6 months of a monthly boquet to have something pretty to look forward to.

Save: Hit up Trader Joes and spend $20 on florals. Take them home and watch a YouTube video on floral arrangements! Better yet, if you’ve got a Farmer’s Market nearby, buy local!

Whatever your budget, whatever your relationship status, there’s a self love celebration to be had. Valentine’s Day is a beautifully cheesy day to show love for the number one person in your life - YOU!

Chef Season

I want to talk about my favorite recipes of 2020. I spent a whole lot of time cooking last year. It helps calm me, gives me a sense of achievement and my body feels better when I’m eating homemade.

As we are slowly getting back to a new normal and able to see more people, I plan to continue cooking. Large crowds will not be for me for quite some time. Cooking at home with friends and family is something I’m really looking forward to.

Here are some of my favorite receipes as well as some of my favorite cooking books to purchase.

Appetizers

Mac and cheese stuffed oven fried zucchini bites (Courtesy of Half Baked Harvest)

Recipe

A delicious upgrade to fried zucchini…these Mac and Cheese Stuffed Oven Fried Zucchini Bites will not disappoint. Homemade, macaroni and cheese sandwiched between zucchini slices, breaded in panko breadcrumbs, and oven “fried” until golden and crisp. Enjoy as a fun summer snack or appetizer. Or make these bites into a family meal as part of a loaded summer salad. Each oven baked zucchini bite is crispy on the outside plus creamy and cheesy on the inside. A truly delicious summer snack.

Baked buffalo chicken egg rolls with cilantro lime ranch (Courtesy of Half Baked Harvest)

Recipe

Switching up Tuesday night with these crispy Baked Buffalo Chicken Egg Rolls with Cilantro Lime Ranch. Shredded chicken, buffalo sauce, herbs, and a little cheddar cheese, all rolled up into egg roll wrappers and oven baked. These egg rolls come together in minutes, they’re crunchy on the outside, and spicy and cheesy inside. Serve with the most delicious creamy, salty cilantro lime ranch, and additional buffalo sauce. Great for a fun weeknight dinner plus upcoming game nights too.

Chinese Chicken Salad Summer Rolls (Courtesy of Cravings by Chrissy Tiegan)

Recipe

I loooove crunchy Chinese chicken salad and I love Vietnamese summer rolls, so I combined them into a beautiful Frankenstein of a dish. Refreshing and light, these rice paper-wrapped rolls are a healthier alternative to a sandwich or wrap, but they don’t skimp on the flavor. Just like the salad from my first book, they’re loaded with crunchy vegetables, thinly sliced chicken, and crispy wonton strips, but the summer roll version is served with a tangy, peanutty dipping sauce. Pack a bunch of them on a picnic, serve as a snack or app, or even eat them for a full meal because they’re super filling.

Salads/Soups

Kale, Pomegranate, and Avocado Salad (Courtesy of Deliciously Ella)

Recipe

My mum and I have been making this for years and we’re still completely obsessed. Massaging the kale may sound strange, but it works brilliantly to soften it, while the tahini, cider vinegar and lime dressing makes it so creamy. We’ve kept it simple here and just added avocado, pumpkin seeds and pomegranates, but it’s delicious with just about anything - I add roasted chili chickpeas, baked sweet potatoes, sauteed veggies, roast potatoes, rye croutons and anything else I’ve got in my kitchen!

Slow cooker chipotle chicken tortilla soup with salty lime chips (Courtesy of Half Baked Harvest)

Recipe

This Slow Cooker Chipotle Chicken Tortilla Soup with Salty Lime Chips is the perfect bowl to warm up to on cold fall and winter days. Made with fire-roasted tomatoes, poblano peppers, smoky chipotle peppers, and shredded chicken, it’s hearty but healthy and so delicious. Top each bowl of tortilla soup with homemade salty lime chips, plenty of cheddar, fresh cilantro, and avocado too. This bowl of tortilla soup is a cozy meal that you can feel good about eating. Just be sure to serve with plenty of those salty chips…they’re a must.

Roasted Caluiflower, Feta, and Orzo Salad (Courtesy of Cravings by Chrissy Tiegen)

Recipe

I want to remind you about one of my greatest-of-all-time salads: creamy, cheesy orzo salad with roasted cauliflower. I like the one-two punch of salty feta and sweet dried cherries that balance each other out, but feel free to have fun with this one! Swap in a different roasted veggie, add some nuts or a different dried fruit, or use a milder cheese. You really can’t go wrong here!

Main Courses

Loaded Mexican Style Sweet Potato Skins (Courtesy of Deliciously Ella)

Recipe

These stuffed sweet potatoes are an adaption of the classic ones we shared a few years ago, and after lots of request for a sweet potato version we made these beauties! Crispy sweet potato skins stuffed with mashed sweet potato, black beans, cherry tomatoes, chipotle, miso and coriander, topped with a dollop of tahini coconut yoghurt and homemade guacamole.

Pumpkin cheese stuffed pasta bolognese bake (Courtesy of Half Baked Harvest)

Recipe

Pumpkin Cheese Stuffed Shells Bolognese Bake…the perfect warming dinner to welcome the start of autumn. It’s the coziest pumpkin pasta bake! Jumbo pasta shells stuffed with pumpkin, cheese, and fresh sage. Then baked in a spicy Bolognese style red sauce that’s saucy, a touch spicy, creamy, and so delicious! This is a great fall pasta to serve any night of the week, or for your next gathering with family or friends.

Pasta e Piselli (Courtesy of Rachel Ray)

Recipe

Nothing says "spring" to me more than fresh peas ("piselli" in Italian). This dish is so simple and sweet, like buttered noodles. It appeals to my inner child. –Rach

Homemade Gnocchi (Courtesy of Trisha Yearwood)

Recipe

Freeze extra gnocchi until solid right on the floured baking sheet, then pack them in plastic ziptop bags to have for dinner later in the week.

Pot Roast (Courtesy of the Food Network)

Recipe

The secret to a flavorful pot roast is browning the meat and onions before roasting, which adds a rich meaty flavor and caramelized sweetness. This step is what separates our recipe from many others that use a slow cooker. And also unlike a slow cooker recipe, our sauce is simmered to reduce a little which concentrates the flavors. What you'll end up with is a roast that's fall-apart tender with a velvety sauce and delicious vegetables.

Sweets

Chocolate-Dipped Shortbread Cookie Recipe (Courtesy of Magnolia Table)

Recipe

Nothing says Christmastime quite like a kitchen full of freshly baked cookies, and this year we’re putting a little twist on a classic favorite: shortbread cookies! This recipe is from the Magnolia Table cookbook, and to add something fun for the holidays, we’re dipping them in chocolate and sprinkling on some festive toppings

Apple Crisp (Courtesy of Pioneer Woman)

Recipe

Ree throws together her father-in-law’s favorite dessert using a full pan of sliced apples topped with a generous helping of sugar and oats.

The Best Creme Brulee (Courtesy of the Food Network)

Recipe

We wanted a rich and creamy custard that wasn't too sweet, so we could fully enjoy the signature crunchy layer of caramelized sugar on top. By only using egg yolks, we achieved a soft and creamy texture. We tried using milk and half-and-half but, in the end, we landed with heavy cream for its richness. Whole vanilla beans give a more intense, pure vanilla flavor that you can't get from extract. We also like seeing the vanilla seeds flecked throughout the custard.

Bon Apetit Y’all!

For a Season

Since I was a wee sequin I had a really weird relationship with friendships. I’m intensly loyal and a team player. I truly thought that it was on me to make friendships work for life or there was some shame if you didn’t stay friends with someone. I also thought if a friendship wasn’t working I had to have some serious sit down conversation with that person to talk it out. For me, I have trust issues. I hold a lot inside. When I share parts of me, I fear that if a friendship ends, someone is going to use that against me. Or share my personal secrets with the world. A whole mess of issues right?!

At 35, I have finally figured out that’s all shit.

Friendships should absolutely be invested in. But let me let you in on a little secret — most friendships are for a season.

And sometimes shitty people do share your personal secrets. But that’s not on you. Those are shitty people.

But if we are very lucky, we will have a friendship or two that lasts a lifetime. Mostly though, friendships evolve as you do.

It took me far too long to get completely comfortable with myself, to evolve into the real me, and to genuinely be happy with who that is.

I’ve evolved greatly since I started making friends - OBVIOUSLY. As anyone should. As everyone should.

Specifically in 2020 I did work to better myself. To address my traumas and to not let anyone but myself decide who and what matters to me. My greatest influence is now ME.

Add on top of that and everything that 2020 was, I really took a hard look at what my values are, who shares those values, and who gives me life versus who drains me.

And I started to phase out the people who don’t match my values or that drain my energy.

Early on I had a bit of a blow up with a really close childhood friend. I’m talking 25+ years of friendship. She really deeply hurt me and we spent time apart. I truly thought the friendship might be over. To me, it was worth the conversation to explain how hurt I was. This person has been there through a lot of phases of my life and is important to me. She took time, I took time and she came back and stepped up. I can tell I matter to her and she values my friendship enough to put the work in. We have more real conversations. If anything, I think its going to make us stronger.

Then COVID hit in March, and with that came restrictions and tough choices that a lot of us have had to make. Then racial tension hit an all time high and more tough choices had to be made.

2020 has been a year that people really had to step up and prove they are the values they talk about. People have really had to show up and take a stand. If not with their words, with their actions.

I’ve watched a lot of people I thought would hold to their values completely disappoint me. And while I have spoken up to many, a lot of these folks aren’t open to listening or seeing the selfishness of their ways. They don’t get it. They really think because you can do something means it’s ok. They don’t even consider the affects on others. The awareness isn’t there. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

Who you are is who you are in hard times. It’s who you are when tough choices have to be made. How you react at that time, that’s who you are.

My values don’t align with those people or those choices. I’m also not one to sit back and avoid the conflict by smiling and faking my way through it. 2020 has been some serious shit. I plan to be on the right side of history. If anything, I am ashamed I haven’t done more before. That won’t happen again.

So I distanced myself from some friends. Because my energy is bigger than sitting in the comfort I could so easily choose. I’m moving to a new phase and that means some friendships will slowly fade away.

I’m proud of myself for that. I’m proud that I didn’t need the conversation. I didn’t need the big dramatic anything. I’m proud that for me, it’s about just moving on and recognizing that some friends are for a season.

I think its important to know that we are also seasonal friends for our friends. I’ve changed a lot in the past few years, 2020 more than ever. And who I am now doesn’t align with the pahses of life some of my friends are in. And that’s ok.

Being able to acknowledge that some friendships are for certain seasons in life is critical to growing up. It’s a bit sad it took me this long to understand that.

What I understand now is there is nothing wrong with me and there’s not really necessary anything wrong with these friends. It’s just understanding that friends you gravitate to serve a purpose for you at that time in your life. And the relationship works for you both until it doesn’t. And that’s ok. Priorities change. Values can change. Sometimes those values are put to the test and not everyone is willing to live those values they talk about.

It matters that I continue to prioritize my own values and needs in friendships. That I don’t allow outside noise to cloud my judgement or influence my emotions. It’s been life changing so far and I refuse to go back.

And If you are lucky enough to have some friends that you know will last a lifetime (I am so grateful to have a few of you!), apprecaite that. Feed those relationships. They are your soulmates. You should also apprecaite the friends you have for a season. They’re valuable and they helped you become who you are, for better or worse. But also understand and respect that some friends are for a season for a reason. Wish them well and continue on your journey.

The coolest thing about life is that we get to meet and be part of so many people’s lives. Even if only for a brief time, you impact the lives of others and they impact yours. That’s pretty damn magical.

Boundary Buddies

I have a really hard time setting boundaries at work. I am a token overachiever, type A, OCD human and I find it almost impossible to detach from that. I can finally say that at this point in my life, I am unwilling to priotize work above all else. My personal time & life matters to me so much. Work doesn’t define me and I am not defined by my work.

Now that I’m starting a new job, I want to set expectations and bnoundaries in advance and avoid burning myself out. The only way I’ve determine that can be done is with the help of a boundary buddy. Or an accountability partner? Whatever term you use, I’m getting one.

My boundary buddy actually suggested this to me. She saw my anxiety over getting myself in another situation where I feel the need to prove myself and forget to set boundaries and she said you’re too old for this and it’s not happening this time around. We also deeply connect on a spiritual level and understand each other and whatb we want in life.

And thus the boundary buddy was born.

We have set biweekly check ins with each other to ensure that I’m sticking with my new plan. We also talk about things we both struggle with between work, love and life because that’s what buds do - they help each other.

For me — the focus right now is boundary setting.

Having someone checking in and calling me out on my actions is really important. It keeps me accountable and to be honest, I don’t want to let her down because she believes in me and a well rounded life.

I get that being a grown woman and having someone else keep me accountable seems a bit off. But I deeply struggle with boundaries and if I’m left to my own devices, no boundaries will be set. I need a coach and an accountability buddy to get me in the groove and on the right track.

The hope is that eventually I’ll be able to set boundaries and hold to them on my own.

Moral of the stroy today? Sometimes life is really hard. Sometimes we struggle greatly with aspects of it. Sometimes we need a little help.

That’s brave. And that’s progress. Saying I can’t do this on my own, please help me is the scariest and bravest thing I have ever done. The fact that I’m even at this point is something I attribute to a mix of therapy, medication and doing the damn work.

I am one independent babe, but needing help isn’t shameful, it’s recognizing that life is meant to be done in teams. And I want to be on a winning one.

Full Circle

Until the age of 26, I spent my entire life in California. I left California for Colorado without knowing a soul. That life changing decision sent me on a journey that would take me to three other states and back to California a couple times. It also empowered me to grow and develop into the confident and independent woman I am today.

I also fell in love with Colorado.

Ever since I left, I have wanted to come back. The mountains, the snow, the sunshine, the sports, the food — Colorado has it all. It’s also affordable. The pace of life is a little slower. And the people are really open and kind to each other. Denver specifically has been my happy place for 5+ years now.

2020 has been a tough journey. I know that I’ve said that about a few years in my life and I know that 2020 has been a tough journey for a lot of people. I didn’t talk a lot about my own struggles because compared to so many, I am beyond lucky.

2020 also brought me everything I’ve been talking about and dreaming of for years. And it feels surreal. I haven’t shared much with those outside of my close circle. It feels unnecessaery to flaunt when so many are suffering. (I am also really enjoying keeping more things to myself these days — to celebrate with the people who are really part of my journey but more of that to come in another blog…).

I am also so proud of myself. I have continued to work hard, be a good human, and manifest good for myself and others.

I am most importantly beyond grateful. I feel so lucky that after the year 2020 has given us, I ended it with complete joy.

All of this to say — I hope you are brave enough to make big decisions and to do things that scare you. I hope you accept the good things that come your way. I hope you don’t give up when things are hard. I hope you continue to work hard and be humble. I hope you continue to be kind. I hope you believe in yourself.

Hard times will come again. Nothing is perfect. But the more I live — the more I believe in the full circle. That the highs and lows rotate, but the better human you are, the harder you work — the higher those highs can be.

For now, I am going to be grateful, I am going to be proud and I am going to enjoy the gitft I have been given. I’m going to soak every last moment in.

See you soon Colorado — things are about to get a whole lot sparklier!

Shine Bright. Be Bold.

I have lived by the motto “Shine Bright. Be Bold.” for a really long time. In fact, ir’s the tagline on the front page of this blog. But what does that mean to me?

Shine bright means owning who you are unapolagetically. It means allowing your soul to guide you in everything you do. To shine bright means to exist in the world in a way that is authentically letting the YOU be your guiding light. For me, that means owning that I am loud, happy, fun, and sparkle obsessed. I am a lot and not everyone will love me, but I’m going to shine bright anyways.

Be bold means to take risks. To push yourself. To ask more of yourself and those around you. It means to dare to get the most out of the short time we have on this Earth. To me, being bold means to be scared and do it anyways.

Whenever I make decisions in life, I check in with how each choice meets the expectations of my motto. Leave home for a brand new state? That’s bold. Refuse to accept being told I’m too much? That’s shining really bright.

A motto helps me feel like I’ve got a true North. It helps me to get through life with my values in tact. It’s also completely something my type A, former athlete, control freak self thrives on.

At a time when a lot of folks are looking to create resolutions and life changes — may I suggest a life motto? Something that represents your values and your desires in life.

A motto is an incredible way to hold yourself accountable for the foreseeble future. And the great thing about it - it can evolve as you evolve!

The best part about a motto? It reminds me of being on a team. The very best team — my own! Shine Bright, Be Bold is my anthem. It keeps me focused on #1, ME!

Get you a motto and next level your life!

New Year, Same Sparkle

It’s time, the New Year, Same Sparkle post! I use the same title every year because 1. I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions and 2. It’s pretty damn accurate.

Look we all know NYE is different in 2020. I hope you are all staying home, staying safe and being respectful of the world in which we live in right now. If you’re not, you’re trash. And I sincerely mean that.

I am spending the evening playing games with my Colorado quaranteam. It’s a very small group of safe friends. A very exclusive club — and no, you can’t sit with us. It’s a pandemic, please go home.

Because I don’t buy into resolutions, NYE is honestly just another day for me. I don’t really reflect that heavily on the year, I don’t think about changing in the new year.

Because 2020 has been anything but a normal year, it makes sense that I might feel a little different.

I’m still the same me, but I believe that I’ve become more me. I’ve embraced therapy whole heartedly and that means my growth into loving myself and owning who I am is off the charts.

I genuinely feel the best I ever have in my life.

So maybe new year, more sparkle?

I’ve struggled a lot with a lot this year, namely aging. I’m embracing it, but it’s also terrified me to be 35. It really really was a hard thing to face for whatever reason. Sitting at home all year and having time to look into the why of that — led me to a real breakthrough. Age ain’t shit. Write that down. It’s science.

That breakthrough has also made me feel so much ownership in the life I want to create. In 2021, I hope to continue to prioritize that.

It has also pushed me to own and celebrate who I am. And to not allow anyone else to tell me otherwise. In 2021, I hope to continue to show that.

That breakthrough has given me the courage to take a big risk, in 2021, I hope to continue to take big risks — especially when I’m scared to do so.

2021 is a new year, and while the pandemic isn’t over and there is so much to fix in this country — I am excited for all that is to come.

I hope things never go back to normal. I hope we raise hell and affect real change.

And next year I hope to tell you I’m my sparkliest yet.

Edit: Since I wrote this I decided to stay home entirely. It’s not worth the risk and because my friends are dope, they get it and respect it.

Sparkle Season

I fucking love Christmas. I love the whole holiday season. The glitz the glam the cozy vibes. I am Hallmark’s target audience and I have no shame in my holiday game. One of my favorite parts of the whole thing is the decor. The shiny things, the lights, it’s all magic and brings a smile to my face.

To me, the holidays mean celebration. It’s a time to celebrate the year leading up to this time and the people who have made it what it is.

In 2020, it can feel hard to celebrate. There has been devastating loss of life and complete destruction. Our country has been pulled by hate, corruption and complete letdown by the government that is supposed to protect us.

I sit here from a place of complete privlege. I am healthy. My family has stayed relatively healthy (multiple family members have beat covid). I have a job, a really good one. While I have faced great mental health challenges, I have also thrived. I am luckier than a lot of people right now. For that I am grateful.

I have been lucky enough to give back. For that I am grateful.

I have a comfortable, safe home to stay home in. For that I am grateful.

There is food on my table, clothes on my back, and money in my bank account. For that I am grateful.

2020 has not been the year I wanted. I’ve missed out on trips, time with loved ones, and it has been isolating at times. But I cannot help but feel grateful.

By no means do I want to belittle any struggles of anyone, myself included. Yet it a year of complete devastation for so many, I am grateful.

I have had the time and resources to get involved in the fight for social justice. I text banked during the election. I gave to shelters and food banks.

2020 has been a year that has humbled me. It has allowed me perspective and focuse on the people and the things that truly matter. It has built an exorbant amount of empathy in my heart for the people that were not born with my privielge.

The Holiday Season for me in 2020 is a gift. It’s the sparkles and the sequins but it’s the gratitude for me. I may not feel the usual celebratory glow that I used to this time of year, but I feel so much gratitude.

2020 changes so many of us. I hope those changes last us a lifetime.

Thing I Learn in Therapy

I’ve been committed tot herapy for a few years now. I regularly meet with my therapist (birtually during the pandemic) and commit to doing the work to make myself a better, happier human being.

Because I tend to have a really hard time talking to people in my life about how I feel, therapy is a way for me to open up to an impartial party and get guidance on what' to do.

Once in awhile I like to share things I learn because they’ve greatly helped me and I think that’s important to talk about.

Recently I have struggled with insomnia. In general I sleep about 4 hours a night. It leaves me exhausted and with a foggy mindset. I also just feel unhealthy and not myself.

I’ve done it all. I’ve done white noise, pink noise, blue noise - all the noise! Aromatherapy, the best in beds, sheets and pillows! Adjusted temperature, boguht the coziest sleepwear ever, played with timing. I even got to the point that I sought medical intervention. Turns out I have an extremely high tolerance to any sleep medication. I can take an Ambien - even two, with no effect.

Last week my therapist asked me to start visualizing my happy place. When my mind is unable to shut off, I am to interrupt myself over and over with visions of where I feel happiest. For me, that’s the track. For you that might be a beach. The point is, go somewhere that you feel safe, empowered, and calm.

The first night I was less than succesful. Truth be told it took me a whole week to be able to actually distract myself enough to stick in my happy place. Now that I am able to stay there though, I physically feel myself relaxing. I take myself back to the track where I feel strongest and I imagine everything from a really good race to a simple Saturday workout.

It seems really simple. And it is. But the mind is a powerful thing. And conquering it’s need to overthink is no easy feat.

I’m not sleeping more than 4-5 hours yet, but I am getting better quality sleep. And I’m falling asleep faster.

Therapy is a complete lifesaver for me. A total game changer. I learn so much about myself and how to be a better me for me. If you have the means, I highlt suggest investing in yourself in the best way possible. Don’t wait until you need therapy, use it as a tool to maintain a high quality of life.

Therapy is visiting the doctor for your mind. And it’s just as important as regular visits to your primary physician.

The Single Life

AS soon as I was old enough to realize I liked men, I spent my time flirting with, dating, and at times collecting them for my roster. From age 13 to 30 (fine, 32ish), I was not single. I might not have always been in a relationship, but I was never truly single.

In my early 30’s, I stopped working so hard to have men around me. I stopped engaging with the guys that I kept around just to feed my ego. I stopped prioritizing my worth and desirability on how many men found me so. And I started prioritizing how desirable I found myself.

Most humans probably did this when they were younger. They didn’t really date until their 20’s and by 30, settled down and got married and did the two car garage two kids thing. But I’ve never really been a conventional babe.

I’ve always had a big personality. It’s not that I’ve never expressed my bold ways. But I had been athletic, pretty, skinny, smart, funny — all the things people told me, not that I knew about myself —so I sort of just fell into those roles.

I loved a lot of those things, and they’ve helped make me the woman I am today, but I also fit myself into spaces because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do.

Dating and relationships have always been one of the bigger boxes to fit into for me. I’ve really struggled with retraining my brain to break from the ideas society taught me growing up.

As independent, adventurous, and happy as I genuinely am — I cannot express enough that I absolutely have moments where I freak out because I’m single. There’s still a small part of me that says without a partner, you are less worthy.

And that’s hard for me to say out loud.

What is more common though is I’ve learned to absolutely thrive.

Learning to sit in being single has been the most rewarding (and challenging) thing I have ever done. I know who I am (and am ever evolving). I am confident in what I want and I’ve taken the time to figure out what that is, independent of anyone else’s influence.

I am also significantly more private when I do date. So private that I really don’t talk about it at all.

I think a lot of people wonder why I’ve been single so long. Being 35, people have questions. They like to ask at weddings when mine will be.

Truth be told, no idea if or when I’ll get married.

I do know that I’m the happiest I have ever been with who I am at 35. I believe all the good things people have told me about myself and I’ve even added some more that I tell myself. I care less about what other people have to say about me in general and more about what I think of myself.

I do more of what makes me comfortable and happy rather than relying on what others tell me I should do to make others comfortable and happy.

I have made myself and my full life the guiding force in everything I do.

And while that confuses some people, while others want to assume single means unhappy, that isn’t my business. Their inability to understand my life is not for me to worry about.

If one day the right person comes along and I decide to keep him longer than a few weeks, I’m very open to that. I’m more open and in a place to accept real love than I’ve ever been before. That also means I’m not willing to extend time or energy on anything or anyone that doesn’t make me feel sparkly inside.

For me, that’s the best I could ever hope for in life. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. To be happy, fulfilled, and excited to experience each day. I can honestly say that most of my days are spent feeling this way.

And while I’ve got more growing and self discovery to do, I’m pretty damn happy with where I’m at and where I’m headed. Single or not. I’ve got a whole lot of living to do.