This has nothing to do with me.

The older I get, the more I find that most of the negative things people say about me out loud — are the insecurities they’re saying to themselves inside.

It took me a very long time to find confidence. I grew up with an intense need to succeed. To be perfect. To work until I was the best. That has continued well into my adulthood. It’s consumed me a lot longer than I like to admit.

At 34, I am thankfully in a place that I am confident more days than I am not. I love myself more than I dislike myself. I find more good in who I am than more faults.

And that is why I find it much easier than I used to brush off negative feedback from others. I also find a little compassion helps my mental health when others choose to go low.

The truth is, not everyone loves themselves. Because of that, they often want others to feel the same pain they do. Misery loves company.

I am not traditional in any sense of the word. I am not beautiful by industry standards. I have not followed the career path you’re supposed to. I’m not a quiet well behaved woman. I love those things about me. I am infinitely confident in who I am and the life I’ve created. I know what it took to get where I am at, to love all of the things that make me unconventional.

That makes me an easy target for people who do not love themselves. More often than you’d believe, people love to share their opinions about me. From how I look to what I say to how I’ve gone on my career journey. And that used to drive me insane.

I would allow it to stress me out, make me angry, and it was hard for me to move past. At times I’d say I even allowed me to go onto a deep depression depending on who the feedback came from.

Now, I remind myself that what others have to say has very little to do with me and a whole lot more to do with them.

Life is hard for everyone. It’s certainly unique to everyone. No two stories are the same. Minding your own business and remembering that others failure to do the same, that’s just none of your own business. The negative things that others have to say about you. They are a reflection of the ugly they feel about themselves. And quite frankly, if you project that ugly on others — while I have compassion for you, I will not allow you to continue to throw that ugly at me.

I shine really really bright. Too bright for some people in fact.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, what others think of you — that’s truly none of your business.

110% x 2

I can never give less than 200% on anything. I’m not a casual do anything type of human. If I’m not jumping all in, I’m out.

Awhile back I spoke about realizing that not everyone is me. I took that to heart. At work I am especially type A and am far above and beyond 110% max effort. It’s not always a good thing as I can absolutely blur the lines of giving too much to the job.

When I wrote about learning to acknowledge that not everyone operates at the same level, I was very much in a state of constant stress and anxiety because I was unable to effectively cope with other people who don’t work hard.

It was physically and mentally taking a toll on my health and I had to stop. So I did. I changed my focus, I set boundaries, and I have chosen to step away from anything that isn’t serving me in a positive way.

The truth is - there are a lot of people who exist in the bare minimum, whether they realize it or not. And that’s ok. If you’re meeting the requirements of your job, the rest is none of my business. Honestly, even if you’re not, that’s also none of my business if I am not your boss.

I inherently want people to step it up because I know they have the ability to be better. So I can easily become frustrated when people, teams, and companies are not meeting the level of excellence possible with effort. That’s exactly what happened.

I’m the one who speaks up. To leadership and to my team to say don’t you want to be the best? Don’t you want to challenge yourself and hold yourself accountable for more? But here is the critical line you have to draw - if people do not want to go there, or if leadership is not pushing everyone to that place - it is not your responsibility to keep pushing.

So I stopped. I stopped speaking up. I started focusing on my own efforts and future goals and I’ve decided to stay in my lane. Where I belong.

I cannot control anyone but myself. Any efforts to deviate from that are only putting me in an unhealthy place. And that’s not worth it. I am an overachiever. I am good at what I do. And my company is lucky to have me. That is what my focus needs to be.

It has taken me a really long time to get this through my head.

Like years and years. Because everywhere you go, that’s how life and work operate. There are those who give it their all, and those who are simply there to get a paycheck. If it’s not your company, if you are not the boss — it is not your responsibility to force anyone to jump up a level. It’s simply not.

I know that some of my colleagues past and present have felt that same frustration. I think we all have a level of complaining that we do to each other in order to cope. And that’s ok. But again, focus on what is healthy. The controllable. Harness your energies for spaces you can affect in a positive way. And forget the rest.

Life in the type A space - like the extreme type A space - it’s frustrating. I think that’s why a lot of former athletes struggle after sports. We don’t know anything but competing to be better. We simply don’t know how to stop holding ourselves and others accountable for that.

But at some point, for your health and others — you’ve got to realize not everyone is you, and that is ok. The team sport becomes an individual race, and you can still push yourself. I hope that you do in fact. Yet remember, becoming the best you, that means learning to harness your energies for good and not becoming a negative influence on yourself or others.

Happy Birthday to ME!

I am 34 today! Which seems wildly old and wildly young all at the same time!

I love a good celebration of birth. Since I was a wee sequin, I really got on board with celebrating birthdays to the max. I just love a good day of sparkles and happiness and focusing on me!

It’s also such a fun way to reflect on the year before, the year ahead, and all that entails.

This year was completely unexpected. I left Texas to move back to Northern California to work in an entirely new industry, entirely new role, and to a job I didn’t even apply to. I was actively looking for a new role, but to be recruited by one of the biggest brands in the world was both terrifying and flattering all at once.

I sincerely had no idea what this year would bring and no expectations on this life change.

It’s been all the things. A blessing, a challenge — and all of the in between too. I don’t know if staying in the Bay Area is really the best fit for me long term, but for the first time, I do feel like I’m with a company I want to stay with long term.

Personally, I’ve worked harder than ever before to commit to therapy, actively put myself before work, and get out of my comfort zone with travel/friendships/relationships.

I actually struggled a lot with feeling “old” and having to fit into societal norms of what that means, something I never really thought I’d struggle with. But 34 seems like a weirdly better age than 33? I don’t know why and I realize that makes no sense, but neither do I.

34 feels like it’s going to be a freaking cool year because of all the possibilities in life. I’m traveling more, I’m going after the next step in my career at Google Cloud, and I’m saying yes more to the things I need to be healthy and happy.

Age is just a number, but I’m an athlete. And to us, numbers are everything. They’re the wins, the loses, the identity - the truly define our world. I’ll never grow out of identifying numbers with positives and negatives.

So for 34, I’m giving a cheers to me, myself, I and all the adventures to come! How lucky am I to be in a place that all my dreams are not only possible, they’re something I can see in front of me?

And for those of you who know that every year on my birthday I check something off my bucket list, I’m spending the day in a true spa day! I’ve never been able to manage the financials nor the time of a spa day but this year, I am making that happen!

Shrink Your Circle

Growing up and for far too long in my 20’s, I had a really large circle of friends. No new friends was not a concept to me. I wanted to continue to expand my circle as large as possible so that I always had something to do. Shit was exhausting.

I think or a lot of us, our 20’s are for fun and adventure. I had the best time and did all of the things. All of them. And I loved it.

But I’m 33 now (34 next week!) and I’m tired. I want to do more meaningful things with more complex people.

Lately as I’ve cut back my circle of friends, I realized that for someone who has prided them-self on not being a people pleaser, I sure cared a lot about not disappointing others. I worried about disappointing people by not making time for them, I stressed about saying no to plans - I wanted to hang onto relationships that no longer served me.

It is going to be awkward to end friendships. It can bring on tough conversations that don’t make you feel good. But it is essential to do so in order to save your sanity. In a lot of cases, you can really Irish exit the friendship. And that’’s my kind of ending. But in other cases, you’ll have to be blunt and have the conversation.

We all know I have anxiety. I’m high strung. I’m a dweller. So keeping people in my life who cause me stress, that’s a really unhealthy way to live. My life is already a daily struggle of “why can’t I be calm and cool” so it’s critical to cut off the unnecessary stress - like people.

I’ve talked about this before, and I think I made a sort of effort to it, but recently I’ve sincerely committed to it. I had been so unhealthy for so long in allowing other people to have too much control over my well being that I was either going to break or make a change. I chose to change.

And it’s been nothing but magic. The people that love me know when I pull away for a bit, it’s just because life is happening. The people that aren’t my circle, welp, they start to understand they’ve gotten the boot.

You are the CEO of your life. You owe it to the success of your ‘business’ to hire, fire, and promote accordingly.

Sparking Joy

A big priority for me lately has been to do things that spark joy. I get that we are no longer in a Marie Kondo moment, but it has stuck with me. In everything that I do - I want to spark joy.

In that spirit - starting next week, I will only be posting a blog weekly. One a week. That’s it.

I love writing, it’s an outlet for me. I never started this blog with the intention of becoming famous or anything but using it as a platform for myself and the few people who read it.

But my life is really busy lately. I’m doing a million things in my career, a million things in my personal life, and having to post twice a week, very week - it has become a chore, adding stress instead of sparking joy.

Until my life slows down a little bit, I’m going to slow down how often I post. I never want writing to become tedious for me. I want it to stay something I’m passionate about and enjoy doing.

I realize this affects probably 3-5 people, so thanks for continuing to keep up and follow along with my life and opinions.

Life lesson - if something becomes a stress for you, stop doing it. Adjust your day. Or adjust your attitude if you cannot give that thing up for the time being. Joy matters, and it is really important to prioritize. It’s also an effective over simplified way to keep yourself in check each day.

Spark joy.

Pumpkin Season

This blog is for my fellow basic witches. This is not a blog for learning anything. It’s to celebrate my favorite month of the year and decorating pumpkins. I absolutely love Fall and decorating pumpkins. I love the creativity and really enjoy all the unique designs there are to come up with.

This year I want to showcase some awesome designs to inspire you to have some fun! Honestly, you’re never too old to have a little holiday magic in your life.

Are you decorating pumpkins this season or carving? Tell me everything and what you;’re loving for this October!

The Body Exhibit

I have always struggled with body image. Whether I am 98lbs and 4% body fat or 150lbs and 312% body fat, I’ve always been very critical about my body. As an athlete, your body is your “money maker.” t’s your worth. It’s what gets you a win, a scholarship, it is your main source of success.

Because of that, I have always placed a lot of my value in how my body looks and feels. But I’m 33 now and I’m not an athlete. My metabolism isn’t the same and when I have an off month, it shows up on my body. I know that I naturally do have good metabolism, a whole lot of muscle memory and certainly my wonderful curves are nothing to be ashamed of - but I still get really insecure.

It does not matter what body type you are, we are all taught to want something different.

I think as I get older, I do start to care less about what others think and love myself for everything I am. I’ve been through a lot, my body specifically, and I have respect for it and all that it has provided me.

And here’s something I’ve started to tell myself - you don’t owe a body type to anyone.

I blossomed early. The Summer between junior and senior year I got boobs. Big boobs. And yet I was still about 98lbs. Obviously that didn’t go unnoticed. I had always had a butt (shout out to my Portuguese family!) so adding in more curves and still being super thin with muscles really just added to the attention I was getting. From a very early age, I associated my value with not only my appearance but my body. And that’s something that has carried with me throughout my life.

Having to unlearn all of that has been really hard.

Ultimately I think everyone has body image issues but in general it is something women deal with a lot more. I hate that as a woman who is super supportive of other women not being defined by appearance - I’ve allowed myself to be defined by it.

Tree of trust, I am a whole lot of other magical things that have nothing to do with my body. It’s really understandable however that a lot of my insecurities are wrapped up in my body and appearance. My traumas are body related and being sexualized at a young age has forced me to live in that headspace.

I don’t want to live there anymore. And I sincerely don’t want to be so hard on myself for how I look. I do not owe a body type to anyone. All I owe is a healthy and happy body to myself.

And I owe being a positive resource for myself. I deserve to love myself, love my body, and to respect it.

Look, this isn’t an easy journey. I’ve got to unpack and relearn a whole lot.

But I would like to be that for myself moving forward. Because being happy with myself has nothing to do with anyone but me.

VOTE or Die

Do y’all remember that whole ‘Vote or Die’ campaign back in the early 2000’s? Who knew just how relevant that would become? Because honestly, people are dying. The Earth is dying. You have to vote. Seriously, if you don’t vote, you don’t get the right to an opinion. Ever.

And if you’re voting for Trump - honestly, I don’t know how to help you. You’re either extremely ignorant and unaware, or you’re a bad person or you’re saying you’re OK with a bad person leading our nation. There’s no excuse to be voting for an openly hateful, sexual predator. Let’s get that out of the way now.

National voter registration day JUST happened - and I hope you are all registered to vote, but if you aren’t, please do so HERE. For information on the last day to register - go HERE.

NOW - on top of voting, you need to educate yourself on what you’re voting for.

Here are some resources for voting:

California Secretary of State

The League of Women Voters Education Fund

Ballotpedia

You can also easily access useful information on polling places, voter guides, etc. on your Secretary of State’s website.

Whatever you do, register to vote - and then do your research and VOTE. Not being informed, not being involved - it’s not okay. You owe it to yourself, your country, and your future to actively engage in the government and how it operates for you and your fellow citizens. If these past four years have taught us anything, it’s that when we allow uneducated people to lead, we all fail.

I also highly suggest volunteering and going door to door even once to contribute to your local drive to get others to register to vote and actually vote. If you can host a polling place or volunteer at one, do it. Being involved in democracy is huge. Bottom line, get involved.

AND VOTE!

Me Myself and I - Are over YOU

I pride myself on putting everyone before myself. I wore that shit like a badge of honor for a good 32 years. And it was exhausting.

It’s impossible to sustain a life of service to others if you are not also taking care of yourself.

And that’s what has happened to me. I’m doing A LOT at my job. Taking on probably more than I should. I have been living the most in life. Doing a lot more than I probably should. I’ve run myself to empty.

Because of that, I have started to draw away from others and exist within my own circle.

Which is really hard for me. I feel guilty for not returning calls and texts.

I just do not have the capacity to care though.

Sure, that sounds selfish - but I deserve that. I am always there for my people. Always. I am a good friend, partner and family member.

What I learned though is that I was letting myself run ragged to take care of everyone else. That took me to a really dark place. I was often emotionally and physically sick and because I don’t ask for help, I had no place to go.

At 33, I’ve realized I cannot sustain a healthy happy lifestyle if I am putting everyone else first. So I’m over everyone right now.

Harsh? Maybe.

Realistic and necessary? Absolutely.

I should be selfish. I’m a dope human being. I deserve to love and feel my own sparkle vibes.

I’m not going to feel selfish or guilty for taking the time I need to get myself to a good place. OK, I’m going to try not to feel these things. Try really hard.

It’s entirely possible, and actually entirely critical to be selfish. You have to fill up your own cup before you can possibly help anyone else. The people who know and love you, they’re going to be there for that time in your life. Over and over. And if they’re your tried and true tribe, they’ll even be standing by your side checking in on you and encouraging you to do what you need to do.

Me, myself, and I - we are over you because we need to be into us.

The Measure of Success

Growing up I always associated success with winning. Being the best. Having the most. I thought success was titles and money and being a champion.

I realized the other day just how much my measure of success has changed.

Money matters to me. I like having a comfortable life. I like upgraded amenities and the ability to travel whenever I want.

I like titles. I love the reward that comes with working hard and being promoted. I enjoy the respect that comes with getting to the next level.

I also don’t need those things to consider myself a success. I don’t need them in excess to show that I have made something of myself.

I think I’ve survived a lot of adversity. The fact that I’ve chosen to commit to overcoming that makes me a success.

That I’ve worked my ass off and now work at one of the world’s most recognizable companies is a success. I never gave up and I never settled.

Success to me is emotional health. It’s financial comfort. It’s mental wellness. Success is love for myself.

Success of my past was entirely related to my career. It was climbing the ladder and never stopping.

Success of my future is joy. It’s confidence. It’s love. I

I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t also driven by my career, but it is not the whole sum of what success looks like.

What does success look like for you?