Earlier I wrote about getting my eggs frozen. Welp. I’ve finally done it. Those babies are on ice, literally.
I think the hardest part of the entire process is finding out how little I knew about my own reproductive system and how little women talk about these things despite how common the procedure is.
I am a college educated, informed woman. I am not shy about talking about my body with anyone, let alone a medical professional. And yet, I don’t think I knew just how a woman’s cycle truly works.
Now I am still not a doctor, so I think you should talk about the nitty gritty details with your own medical professional. Specifically because every woman’s body is different, having those conversations about your own process is really important.
If you’re thinking about freezing your eggs, the first thing you need to know is that it is not to be taken lightly. It is not a simple process. For one, its expensive. For another, it’s a lot for your body to deal with.
Ask questions. And then ask more. Do research. And then do more. Make an informed decision. And when you do, rinse and repeat.
My experience is unique to me. And yours will be unique to you. I aim to share mine because I was lucky enough to have one of my best friends go through it recently and without her, I would have been lost.
Ladies, share your story. Even with one friend. It matters. Empower other women to feel safe enough to make Informed decisions about their own bodies and future.
My Story
The Decision
I don’t know if I want children. I am currently not in that place with a partner to have that discussion. I do not want to worry about whether or not I can have kids right now. And my company pays for me to have this very expensive procedure. So that’s my why. I made this decision because there are a whole bunch of other decisions I don’t want to make right now.
The Financials
Do your due diligence on this. I knew that I had really good insurance and a very generous company. This procedure can regularly cost $15,000-$20,000+ per cycle without insurance. Most companies do not cover the medication, which can cost $5,000+ alone. Most fertility centers have financial counselors. They are worth talking to. Talk to your insurance company as well. Be armed with the facts on what your out of pocket costs are. I pay a max of 10% of the total cost, so I am very lucky. If I did not have that coverage, I would not have done this. Women have to pay a lot of money for our bodies. That’s a whole other issue that I became even more passionate about during this process (I smell another blog). Money matters unfortunately and just because you pay the $15-$20K, does not guarantee you will have viable eggs.
The Clinic
Cool, so I’m going to be honest here, I chose Stanford because it’s Stanford. If my insurance is going to cover this, I’m going to the best. I didn’t research the Doctors, the success rate, the Yelp reviews - none of it. My insurance counselor said I could afford Stanford so I went to Stanford. I highly suggest doing your research when it comes to where to go. Go somewhere with good reviews, success, and that works with your insurance. I found the first Doctor I met with didn’t have the best bedside manner, but she graduated top of her class at Stanford and went directly into the Stanford medical system so I didn’t care. I’m not a sensitive person, I wanted a doctor who was the best so that’s who I went with. I truly didn’t care that she told me I was old to be starting the process, that was confused when I said I didn’t know if I wanted to have kids - judge me any day, take my money, do the procedure safely and successfully and we are good. The point is - find what is important to you in a clinic and meet that criteria. Don’t settle. These people are literally holding your future in their hands. Please don’t skimp on this process.
The Support System
Whether you’re doing this alone or with a partner, you need a support system. I’m a bit of a lone wolf when it comes to the hard stuff. I think I can take anything and everything on myself. Thankfully, I have a tribe of humans who call bullshit and don’t allow me to do things alone. I relied on my closest friends and family and could not have been more grateful for their willingness to listen, put up with me, and allow me to be as transparent as possible. Even when I felt antisocial and depressed, my team showed up and refused to let me say leave me alone. The FaceTimes, sitting on my couch, texting to check in, it all kept me sane and mentally healthy. Do not do this without having people to talk to, to take you to your retrieval, and to attend appointments with you as necessary.
The First Appointment
So I was expecting my first appointment to be purely informational. I figured we would asses my situation, talk about how the process works and I would take some paperwork with me to noodle over. So you can imagine my shock when the Doctor asked me to head over to the ultrasound room, take off my pants, and get my feet in the stirrups. Yea, 15 minutes of talking and we were already shoving a giant wand up my prizes. Ok so pause here - because now you know this is what the first appointment is like. This is where I tell you to do your research in advance and bring a lot of questions to the first appointment. Any hesitations or concerns, past medical information, all current prescription details, family history - everything. You are paying these people a lot of money, ask the questions. Ok, back to the transvaginal ultrasound. It’s mildly uncomfortable but not painful. Honestly it’s more awkward than anything and you may experience some mild cramps. What they do is take images of your ovaries to see what in the world is going on in there. It lasts maybe 5 minutes. You’re in that room 10-15 minutes tops. Next, off to give a lot of blood. I believe this first round I gave 10 vials. Not enough to make you dizzy but it’s a good thing to know if you have a blood or needle phobia.
Ok now pause again!
Now I cannot remember if this came after the ultrasound and before the blood or what but at some point we chatted through all the requirements for going through with the procedure as well as talked about what you do with your eggs after, slash what happens if you never want to use them. And then you discuss the procedure process inclusive of the drugs and the feelings and the retrieval. It literally is so much information in a span of 15 minutes and then if you’re like me you get overwhelmed and leave.
Thats the first appointment. And if none of that flowed well for you, good, I made my point. Because the whole thing was a very intimidating exhausting blur for me too. I actually left that appointment more confused than when I went in and I was a little discouraged about the process as a whole. That’s a normal feeling. Ask freaking questions. These people provide you information and people to explain everything to you - use them.
After the First Appointment
My doctor called me after my bloodwork came back and she was able to review my scans. A little background, I’ve been on birth control since I was about 14/15 - pretty much up until 33. Really minimal breaks where I was not taking it. That does play a role in this process as it suppressed a lot of things (sincerely, don’t know the science words for all the things). Additionally, they found a cyst. And they also found that one of my ovaries was overachieving and had herself a lot of follicles but the other one, she was lazy. All of this made me ineligible to move forward with the procedure at that time. I still wanted to move forward and thankfully wasn’t in a rush. So the doc gave me instructions to stop my birth control and come back in 3 months to allow for the cyst to clear on its own.
Three Months Later
Hi, welcome back. It’s been three months. I went back in, had another wand shoved up my prizes, and gave all my blood to another person. At this appointment we discovered that my cyst was clear, my blood work came out strong, and my follicles had semi got their shit together. TL;DR - ready to party.
Now they hope to get up to 20 eggs at the retrieval. That’s gold standard. That’s what the goal is. But the average is about 12-14. And rarely but it does happen, no eggs are retrieved. If you’re below 10, that’s low. My doctor estimated given my situation and past with the birth control and history of cysts - I’d be middle of the road, possibly low end 8-12. First time in my life I can’t overachieve or work harder to be better. But 8-12 is better than zero.
Additionally just because they get all those eggs, it doesn’t mean they’re viable. Unclear what the viable part means. I guess viable to be fertilized. You can repeat the cycle again and try to retrieve more eggs. But it’s repeating the process, the money, all of it. Can you understand how stressful this must be for people who are using this as a last resort?
Oh. And they don’t know how many eggs until the procedure.
Good times right?
The Learning
Stanford makes its patients go through more of a learning process than I’ve heard other clinics do. I had to take about two hours of online courses (with tests) as well as attend an in person training in order to move forward. The online classes are videos that explain the process to you and then ask you pretty dang simple questions afterwards to make sure you paid attention. The videos very simply explain the entire process, statistics, and what to expect. The two hour class explains what to expect from doctors, techs, nurses, medications and then you learn more about side effects and how to give yourself injections. All very tedious but really valuable. To be honest, not all of it I paid attention to because I wasn’t trying to get pregnant. Like I’m actively not looking to get pregnant. So I scrolled the gram during that part. Can’t help you with those pieces. My bad.
Lets Get this Show on the Road
WELCOME TO THE BIG SHOW! Jk, honestly after the class and the baseline ultrasound, you literally just wait for “Cycle Day 1.” Which if you’re me and sincerely didn’t know that’s what the first day of your period is called, you will ask people this question multiple times. But yes, you sit around and wait for your period to start and then when it does you call the doctor and you say MY PERIOD IS HERE! And they say Cycle day one? And then you say yea that. AND THEN IT STARTS!
So I forgot, when you confirm you’re going to do this whole thing, they send the prescriptions you need to a pharmacy. And they give you a calendar with no dates on it but it says “Cycle Day One” and Day 2 and so on up to Day 13 when is when surgery can possibly start. When you start your cycle and you call them with this joyous news, they update the calendar with real dates and send it back to you.
I should also mention that the medicine people will call you and you will pay them and they will send you a giant ice chest with one other box that contains all of your medications.
The Medicine
There are so many medications. And they’re confusing. But it’s all labeled on a sheet (hell yes I taped it on my fridge). I also set reminders on my phone for which medications to take, the amounts, and any other helpful facts and set it for the same time every day. Basically it’s critical to know what to take and when. Don’t fuck it up. It’s expensive and you are injecting yourself, know what you’re doing.
It’s also good to know that your body might have some allergic reactions at the injection site. This is really common and any hives or redness do disappear within an hour or two. The trigger shot actually gave me the longest rash that lasted about 48 hours.
The Procedure
They call the egg retrieval a surgery but I’ve had a lot of major surgery in my life and this wasn’t as daunting for me. They use a deep sleep anesthesia that acts the same as general but you breathe on your own. The procedure room is small and you have a doctor, an anesthesiologist, and two nurses in room. To be completely transparent the most stressful thing for me was having male nurses in the room. I fully understand male doctors and nurses are more than capable, but as a rape survivor, I am uncomfortable with men in the room when I’m unconscious. The nurse even noted my blood pressure was high and my pulse was racing but obviously it was a little late in the game to say anything so I went under and that’s the last I saw of them men. The surgery takes place in a procedure room at the clinic, so I wasn’t even in a hospital. I had wonderful people on my care team who made sure all my questions were asked and walked me through every step.
Immediately following the procedure you go into a recovery room and they truly only give you about 15 minutes before they send you on your way with your family member who is required to drive you home. I really didn’t like this part of the process. Your family cannot come back while you recover and it feels very rushed overall. I was still very loopy and confused when my mom and grandma put me in the car and got me into bed at home.
They do give you antibiotics and a pain killer through IV at the hospital but nothing other than Ibuprofen after that. The pain isn’t bad at all in my opinion. You’re more sore than anything. Overall I truly think this is actually even easier than getting your wisdom teeth pulled.
The Recovery
I find it incredibly wild that the directions for recovery are so different between medical professionals. I have a friend who was told to take a few days off whereas my doctor said if I wanted to go back the next day I could. I thought I could just roll back into work the next day but woke up that morning and decided against it. And I was really hard on myself for that. I thought I was being a pansy for needing more time. Truth is, you feel more bloated, sore, and moody AFTER surgery. They say about 4-6 days after surgery is when you feel the most pain. That’s frustrating too because everyone assumes - surgery is over - you’re back to normal right? WRONG. My pain hasn’t been horrible except for maybe one day. And nothing ibuprofen, a heat pack, and swearing won’t cure. Women are bad ass. But our healthcare system is not built to support the things our bodies go through. I have an incredible boss who let me know to do what I needed to do; but this is not common in America. It blows my mind they push you back into work so quickly after the things women put our bodies through.
Post Op
They tell you how many eggs you get the day of the procedure but realistically you don’t even know your own name or why you’re there so you don’t remember. The next day they call and tell you how many were viable and frozen. I had 11 eggs and was very lucky that 10 were viable and able to be frozen for future use. I was ecstatic with this. Because I had a bit of a lazy right ovary who refused to grow follicles, they aimed for me to get 12-15 but realistically thought I’d get 5-6. Most women they aim to get 20 but it depends on your age and ovarian health.
Questions
I’m going to try and answer a lot of the same questions I’ve been getting but I’m an open book. so please feel free to reach out.
Can you get pregnant after the procedure?
Yes. In fact at my age and all the way up to probably 36-38, they’ll ask me to try and conceive naturally before even dipping into my frozen eggs.
Do you still get your period after?
Yes. Your body goes back to normal about 10-14 days after the procedure.
Are there limitations on what you can do while going through this process?
Yes. You cannot workout starting at about day 3 of the process and then you are unable to have sex starting at day 8. They both continue to be off limits until 14 days after the procedure is complete.
Were you on a special diet?
No. But I lost my appetite for about 4 weeks. They do say to eat healthy during the process. And honestly you’re so bloated you don’t want to eat unhealthy and make it worse.
Are you going to do another round?
I’m not. I don’t know if I want kids so 10 eggs is enough for me to have on reserve.
Was it worth it?
Yes. It’s peace of mind to know I don’t have to make any decisions right now. I’m not worried about whether or not I want kids and I’m not worried about my age and fertility.
That’s it, that’s the tea of my process. Thank you for all of the love, well wishes and cheerleading y’all did for me throughout this whole journey. It has not been easy to be so transparent but to be supported on this thing has felt incredible. Again, open book, happy to answer any questions or concerns I can here. It’s not for everyone but I very much believe in a woman’s right to choose whatever journey is best for her and her body.
