I'm sorry

Part of growing and accepting myself has revolved around not being sorry for existing. Women specifically have often been taught to exist quietly. We apologize often, beg off compliments, and often try our best to blend in.

I’ve never been able to blend in. And I never will be.

I am forever guilty of begging off compliments, sharing credit when its mine to own, and apologizing for being a really big personality.

It’s exhausting.

And the more I grow and love myself, the more people are intimidated by that. I’ve been called arrogant, too much, bossy - honestly I’ve heard it all.

When you choose to love yourself, to stop apologizing for existing, you have to accept that not everyone is so brave. They may try to break you down because they cannot do what you have done. That is not yours to own.

Start recognizing when you apologize or belittle yourself. Take the time to stop, correct the behavior, and move forward. The more you do so, the more you’ll find you stop apologizing.

I’m not saying I’ve mastered the art of this skill. I have my moments where I make myself smaller to make others comfortable. But I’m trying.

The fun part about refusing to be sorry is that the less I do it, the more confident I am. I love myself more. I get this insane sense of faith in myself and what I can do for this world.

Who are you to shrink yourself to make others comfortable? What if you could change the world but you stayed small because you weren’t able to stand up and say I won’t apologize because I have so much to give. I say it often because it seems to prove true with each day - but you have one life. One chance to get the most out of it. Would you rather simply exist or unapologetically thrive?

How to Be an Ally

Recently I sat in on a talk about diversity and inclusion. A woman spoke about her experience as the only woman in a male dominated office environment and the things often difficult positions she found herself in as a result of that. During one particular situation, one of her male colleagues stood up for her in a small but powerful way. And she never forgot that because he made her feel like she had an ally.

I have often spoke about some similar situations in the workplace. Similarly, in my experience, the fact that I felt so alone is what made the situation feel so awful. I never had anyone who stood up for me.

Feeling alone for being different is a really scary thing to deal with. We all have differences that make us self conscious or hyper aware of what is making us different than everyone else in the room. Instead of making someone feel badly for those differences, celebrate them. Everyone deserves to feel accepted. What makes us different is also what makes us uniquely ourselves.

The most important thing I know in life is that just because I am not like someone else does not mean I cannot empathize with their struggles.

The lesson of this being to show up for people as an ally. Be brave enough to make people feel included at work, at home, in social settings. It may seem like a very small thing but it can change someone’s life and create a cycle of positive inclusive behavior in the world.

Imagine how uncomfortable you feel when you feel like you’re standing out in a negative way. I think about how I’ve been treated as the only woman in some spaces and how worthless I felt as a result of the actions and words of others. I know what it’s like to be put into situations where you’re valued as less than everyone else in the room. I don’t want anyone else to feel that way (that whole empathy thing).

It often takes very little to speak up but has a profound effect on the life of someone else.

When you’re in situations that are uncomfortable or you see others feeling uncomfortable, speak up. Especially when something is not right. When someone is being belittled for their differences, speak up.

Outside of speaking up, be an active participant in being part of the solution. That way, when the time comes to speak up, you’re more empowered to do so.

How to Educate Yourself/Be an Everyday Ally

Communicate

The easiest way to educate yourself is to speak to people who are different than you. People who have differences you have never experienced. Ask them about their experiences. And listen. Actively sit back and listen. When you have questions, ask them. The point is to go into these conversations with an open mind and a willingness to learn and be vulnerable with your own misunderstandings.

Support Minority Businesses

Actively choose to not only shop local, but shop local in communities you don’t identify with. Read books by women. Shop at a black owned business. Eat at an LGBTQ owned restaurant. Attend a Latin art show. Find ways to consume goods and engage in events that are sponsored and put together by those in minority communities. I say minority specifically because a lot of the world is run by white men, you’re already supporting those businesses essentially every single day.

Write a List

Sit down and write a list of the things that provide you privilege and write a list about the things that make you different. It’s two fold in understanding what areas in life you don’t struggle in simply because of how you were born. It’s also about facing areas that make you insecure and imagining how others may feel because of differences they were born with. This step teaches you compassion.

Separate Fact from Fiction

Do your research on things like Black Lives Matter, gay marriage, transgender lives. Don’t participate in headlines and what you hear in the media. Actively form your own opinions based on what these people really face and why their messages are so important. We have got to stop participating in the culture of misinformation and outrage because its cool. Do your homework.

Consume Media that doesn’t make you the hero

Look for movies, books, music, art that features people who are not like you. White? Find a movie that makes a black person the hero. Straight? Find books featuring LGBTQ romances. I’m not saying give up media you enjoy, just expand your experiences.

There are so many ways to be an ally. Everyone in the world wants to feel included and celebrated for what makes them different. Don’t forget that there’s power in being the person who stands up for that. One day you may need someone to stand for you.

The Tipping Point

Let’s get a little controversial today and talk tipping. Personally, I think we’ve gotten to a place in America where tipping is expected rather than earned. Let’s get that out of the way right now. And let’s also note I’ve spent some solid time in the service industry so I firmly relate to the brutal grind that life entails. Yet I firmly believe that a tip should not be implied.

It’s a slippery slope and while I don’t believe in simply tipping as a requirement, I do reward really good service. I’ve tipped 40% before because service was above and beyond my expectations. So it’s not that I’m cheap. It’s that I believe in giving your best and earning the over and above of what the bottom line is.

I want to break down some scenarios.

The Where: Restaurant

The What: The food is bad

I don’t penalize the server for this. It’s not going to take away from a tip because the server didn’t cook the meal. If it’s so bad I have to send it back, I’m still not deducting from the tip. To me, this isn’t a service issue. Get a manager if you must, but if the meal is taken off the bill, you still owe a tip.

The Where: Restaurant

The What: The server is rude

I’m deducting from the tip. I get it, the server has to tip out the bar back, the runner, etc. Then I suggest the server has a better attitude. Plain and simple.

The Where: Hair Salon

The What: Bad haircut

I’m not deducting from the tip if they can fix the mistake. If another stylist has to fix the mistake, I’m paying one tip. If it’s so bad I need to go to a different salon, I’m honestly probably lobbying not to pay at all.

The Where: Hair Salon

The What: All is normal and good

Ok so in general I’ve learned across the board that tipping at a salon is inconsistent. I know some people who tip $15 no matter what. I had bee tipping 20% consistently. But then I realized that can get absurd on top of some really steep prices. I honestly hover closer to 15% these days. If it’s a tough job, I’ll get to the 20%. But if you’re just trimming my hair, I’ll probably stick closer to the flat $10.

The Where: Restaurant

The What: The server makes consistent mistakes

I’ll probably honestly ask for the manager. If the situation is corrected or some sort of consolation is offered, I’ll keep the tip at 20%. If it’s never acknowledged and the place isn’t busy, I’m deducting from the tip.

The Where: Bar

The What: Takes forever to get a drink

Eh, honestly across the board I’m tipping $1 a drink. If I’m at a place serving craft cocktails that are an art form, I’ll go $2 a drink. I can’t remember a time I ever didn’t tip or left something less than $1/drink.

Ok so most of these have to do with restaurants. But honestly, that’s where I’m hearing the most controversy these days so that’s what I’m addressing. I think tipping is such a sensitive topic because it’s such a brutal industry to be in if you’re working for tips. I feel for you, but I also don’t think you get a pass just for existing in that industry.

Plain and simple, I think tipping should be earned, not expected. The service industry is based on service. Are the people well paid? Generally no. Is it an easy job? No. But it’s also a choice to work in that industry. Maybe I’m harsh, but if I don’t do my job, I get fired. If I’m bad at my job, I get in trouble and probably don’t get a raise. If you’re at your job and you want a tip, be a generally pleasant and effective human being please.

What are your thoughts?

The Buddy System

With the high rates of depression and suicide in the news these days, the world has been encouraging each other to check up on people around us. And to really do it. To say “hey, are you ok?” and listen to that answer.

The more we show up for each other and truly listen to what we are saying, the more we are able to say “I’m here for you.” That’s a really powerful thing. We live in a time where people are more connected than ever but feeling lonelier than ever.

It’s also really easy to get caught up in our own lives. We are all busy trying to survive and thrive and that’s ok. It’s ok to know when you really need to be in the zone and focus on yourself.

Here’s what I’m finding though: when my team checks on me, I feel more accountability to check in with myself. It also forces me out of whatever hermit life I’ve sometimes sunken into and encourages me to engage. When people ask me how I’m doing and honestly want an answer, my heart grows times ten. I feel valued, respected, and heard.

The people in my life have really shown up for me in a buddy system way lately and I’m so grateful for it. I have lived so long as the one you don’t check up on. The one everybody knows is going to be ok. And while that may be very true, it does not mean I don’t struggle. The more my humans show up for me, the more I want to open up and share my life with them. It makes me feel safe, something I don’t often feel when it comes to sharing my life with others.

The point is, show up and create a buddy system. We all struggle. We all need that check in once in awhile to get through the dark times. Work with your inner core to get the phone tree going. Never let your people feel alone. Find a way to spend 5 minutes each day saying hey, I’m here for you, whatever you need.

Often times people don’t want to ask for help, or don’t know how. They may even beg off support. But we all need it. Whether that be delivering meals, sending a text, sitting with someone in silence, find a way to show up. Showing up is what matters.

Think of it like being a little kid. You had to have a buddy who you were responsible for. Ya;ll had to stick together and get each other through the day. This is what you’ve been training for. Stick with that buddy and get them through the day.

Love Me Some Me

Recently there is a movement for self love. And that’s a movement I am here for. As someone who spent years unsure of who she was and who still continues to struggle to show myself the love I so freely give others, I deeply appreciate this moment in time.

I love love. I love celebrating Valentine’s Day. I’m here for the engagement announcements, the weddings, the new relationship love - all of it is such a positive time. I’m here for celebrating love. And the love I want to celebrate most of all in life is self love.

For the 300th time, because I’ve certainly written about this before, if you do not love yourself, you will not have a successful relationship with anyone else. You may find a mate, marry them, spend the rest of your life with them - but unless you’re also deeply in love with yourself, that forever love is not at its best.

Self love is a constantly evolving process. I don’t know many people who feel rainbows and unicorns about themselves 100% of the time. I certainly have my off days and I think that’s ok. You can’t be on 100% of the time. But if most of the days you can say I love who I am, that’s a huge win.

For me, the first step in learning to love myself was to get honest with myself. I had to first drop all of the lies I told myself and I had to write down what I don’t love about who I am. For example, when I was in my 20’s and single, I would tell myself I loved that life. The truth? I wasn’t comfortable being single. I pretended to enjoy it but I was not happy without a partner, which is why I was always talking to or dating someone. Now, I’m very comfortable single because I understand that having a good relationship is what counts. Being single doesn’t make me less than like I thought it once did.

Writing down the things I dislike about myself is still to this day a really powerful thing for me. It’s saying out loud the pieces I think are awful. And then it’s understanding WHY I feel that way. Because a lot of those things are actually absurd or they’re things that others love about me. When you write these things out, they’re tangible and you’re forced to dive into perspective. I’m most often able to easily eliminate a few of those by simply working through the feelings behind the insecurity. And the rest, I take to therapy or I work on how I can adjust them to not be a daily hindrance to my self love.

Another example - I’ve been an athlete my entire life. That means a lot of my self worth is directly connected to my body. Having to train sometimes 4-5 hours a day, meant that for most of my life, I had a pretty dang bangin bod. I also am blessed to have great metabolism. But when I stopped being a competitive athlete, hit 30, didn’t always eat as healthy - my body shape changed. I’m not 130 pounds of pure muscle anymore. I’m curvy, sometimes I’d dare say I feel chubby. Body dysmorphia is something I’ve struggled with on and off since I can remember. I have to remind myself often that my body has been through a lot. And it’s given me some of the best moments of my life. And I make myself thankful for those things. I’m extra mindful when I’m not body positive and I do things that make me feel good about myself. I do fitness activities that make me feel confident. I don’t workout to punish myself, I workout because it’s something I love to do. I’ll change my diet to be a little healthier. And I cut myself a break during Holidays or vacations when I indulge more. I am patient with myself.

Something that is also really helpful for me is to write on post its things I love about myself and leave the notes around my home, car, and office where they’ll serve as reminders throughout the day. It’s silly and may not work for you, but I’m easily motivated. When I read these positive reinforcements I think to myself - HELL YEA YOU ARE! If I really need some love, I’ll ask my friends to tell me what they love most about me. Often times our friends love the quirks about us that we may even consider negative. Again, perspective helps.

I hope this Valentine’s Day you’re celebrating lots of love with the people around you that you love. I hope you see this day as a day for everyone, more specifically and most importantly - for YOU. Celebrate your love with those most important to you, but celebrate the most important relationship (the one with yourself) FIRST.

Happy hearts and love day sequins!

Tidying Up - Hunger Games Style

Ya’ll Marie Kondo is THE pop culture moment. Her book and her show on Netflix have inspired an entire movement. Simplifying clutter has been around for a few years but in late 2018/early 2019 with everything going on, we seem to have become addicted to minimalism and countering consumerism.

I love that life and I’ve been working to consume less, make smarter purchases and overall spend my money on experiences rather than things. Where I’d also like to extend this idea of tidying up is to the people we surround ourselves with.

The idea of what brings you joy very much applies to human relationships as well. We deserve peace, simplicity, and joy in the friendships we build with friends and family.

So let’s get Hunger Games about this idea of tidying up. If a person does not bring you joy, let them go.

I know, there are so many complications with that. From work to friends to family, sometimes you simply cannot remove yourself from a relationship entirely. But there are people who can be bid farewell. Do so. And then minimize your time with people who don’t bring you joy but are a necessity sometimes within your circle of life.

When you do this, watch how much calmer, simpler, and more joyous your life becomes.

When you remove the drama and negativity piece by piece, you are brought peace.

As I get older, I become less bothered by people who serve no purpose for me. On social media, I block people who are nothing but headaches. That’s the beauty of social media, we choose the content we engage with. In real life, when friends or family members bring me great stress, I limit my time with them, phase them out, or directly let them know the relationship is no longer working.

And I commit to it.

That’s what the biggest piece is - staying strong. If you are able to make these choices confidently and truly stick with them - that is where you will find the benefits. If you’re constantly stressing about the outcomes, what others think about you or these choices, you loose the opportunity to enjoy the benefits.

The Kids Call it WOKE

I grew up in a lovely little sheltered suburban community with more plant diversity than people diversity. Thankfully I had parents who exposed me to travel, an inner city track club, and spoke to me about being a good human. However, growing up I wouldn’t consider myself “woke” as the kids say.

Today there is a lot of pressure around being aware, involved and on the right side of history. And I’m here for that. I think its important to learn, grow, and be part of creating change. But I also don’t expect everyone to show up that way. We all grew up in different worlds with different levels of awareness. Often we aren’t “woke” until we take the time to force ourselves to be so.

I have not always been so aware and involved. I believe its important to say I’ve said horrible things before. Regardless of not meaning harm with my words, with joking, whatever the case may be, its wrong. I apologize for that, I understand where I was wrong. Chances are, a lot of us have been in the same boat. Where I believe the problem lies is with the constant need to shame people for who they were before they evolved.

It is entirely possible to start from a place of ignorance and choose to be better. When we constantly shame people for who they were while they’re trying to grow - it creates fear in them and prevents them from evolving. If you’re constantly told how horrible you are for who you were by a group that’s supposedly super “woke”, what’s the motivation to be part of that new circle? Personally, I welcome people willing to become a better person. I let them know the things that aren’t acceptable and help them understand where they went wrong in the past and then I help answer questions in a safe space moving forward.

We have to create safe spaces for learning and growing. Creating hostile communities for change only belittles the message and makes us just as bad as “the other side.” If you want to ask for change, equality, compassion - you must first embody that.

Living in Texas for two years, I encountered a lot of Southern traditional values. Including racism, homophobia, and sexism. And it breaks my heart every time. But I don’t get angry. I understand that in order to effect change, I have to be open to listening and having positive conversations. If someone isn’t willing to change, I wish them well and move on. Those aren’t the people who are going to change the world. Change will weed them out. But I’ll be damned if I am going to stoop to that level with hateful rhetoric. I’m going to be an open door for having the tough conversations, for asking the uncomfortable questions judgment free. Because THAT is how we encourage learning and growth.

We don’t all get it right the first time. I certainly haven’t always been the very model of what I believe and practice now and I’m sure there are STILL times I am not perfect, but I work towards it. And I welcome anyone else who would like to do so. I’m a safe space. Please feel free to come to me and know I’m not here to judge you if you’re open to learning and becoming a better person in the world. I’m grateful for you taking the chance to do so and I’d like to be someone you can trust in that process.

Namaste

At pretty much every job I’ve worked at, there has been a high intensity on edge feeling. I’ve always felt stressed, worried, and have a really hard time stepping away from constantly thinking about work. It was a never ending worry about being fired, being in trouble, or being so overworked I could barely survive.

Obviously that greatly affected my personal life. I was constantly exhausted, irritable, antisocial, even depressed. My entire life revolved around my work and the people in it. It was all consuming. And I honestly thought that would be my life forever. I didn’t know any different in my 11 years of being a professional.

I’ve been in my new role for about 3 months. The other day I was sitting on my couch and I realized how calm I felt. I wasn’t thinking about work. Not an overwhelming project, not a difficult coworker, not an unreasonable boss. I was truly existing in the moment I was in.

Now I understand that the first few months, even years of a job can feel like the honeymoon stages. I’ve had that briefly in other roles so I’ve taken these feelings with a grain of salt. However, the culture I’m in and the people I’m surrounded by who embody that culture have given me hope that this will last.

During the week I have flexibility, independence, and people who care about how I’m doing both professionally and personally. I have the freedom to craft my own schedule (within reason), to say I’m overwhelmed without being told “that’s just how it works,” and I’ve got the time and energy to get out and have a thriving personal life.

I can breathe.

There’s time in my life to regroup, take a moment, and reconnect with my center.

In the 11+ years I’ve been a grown up in the working world, I’ve never experienced that. I’ve never had all the pieces fall together. I experimented with what I could tolerate. Could I endure harassment for my dream job? No. Could I work 24/7 for a company I loved? No. Could I put up with a bad boss for good pay? No.

Not everything aligns all the time. I don’t think all the parts have aligned for my current job, but the pieces that have aligned create a puzzle that I fit into. I love the company, the people, the boss - all those things make anything else extremely minuscule on the negative scale. I feel calm. I feel happy. I feel content. And while it all doesn’t create my “perfect” dream job I built up in my mind, it’s redefined what I define as working long term for me.

I cannot emphasize enough how important the feeling calm is to me. It seems so simple and many of you very well may experience it every day. But I haven’t. I haven’t felt that level of content with a career. Where you feel happy, challenged, like you matter, just all the pieces FIT.

Sure, we all complain about our jobs. I’m highly skeptical when folks don’t have one single complaint about their job. I don’t think the whole every single day is perfect life really exists. But if you truly feel happy and the good days outnumber the bad, that’s a huge win.

If you’re like me and your career journey is nontraditional, feeling calm is honestly the biggest win of them all. I encourage you to continue to look for that win. Continue to sacrifice, dream, work, and motivate yourself to stay positive. It’s not easy. It’s ups and downs and anything but simple. People will tell you that you’re stupid. They’ll laugh. They’ll question everything about you as a professional. But they are not you. They don’t live with the journey or the experience. What works for them, it’s not for you.

I don’t know if the calm will last. What I think is most important to remember while I am here is that it’s possible. It’s not a pipe dream. It’s not a decade of taking risks for nothing. It’s real and I’m holding it in front of me. Nobody can take the dream away from me because I know it’s there. And even if it doesn’t workout every time, it’s there. It’s real. And I can make it mine.

Fountain of Youth

Never in my life have I been more invested in skincare as I am right now. I’m really lucky and have incredible olive skin. Essentially having one small zit every 6 months is really the worst that happens to me (knock on wood). I’m appreciative of that. However I’m not 22 anymore and I’m a highly expressive human. I’ve spent a lot of time in the sun (and le sigh, in tanning beds when I was young). I never took care of my skin in my 20’s. I’m 33 now, and that’s all changed. I’m committed to looking and feeling my best.

I’ve written about plastic surgery as well as injections in the past and here I am a year later still not ready to go that route yet. Again, I’m so here for that if its for you and eventually, I’ll get there. Right now, I’m not there.

But I am spending money on skincare products to look and feel my best. What you should know about me:

• Dry, sensitive skin

• Big believer in not spending thousands each month on products

• Not loyal to any one brand

• Lazy AF

That’s a really good background on me and how I spend when it comes to skincare. Here’s my general routine:

Morning: Cleaners, toner, exfoliant/antiaging serum, BB cream (with SPF 30)

Evening: Cleaners, toner, exfoliant/antiaging serum, retinol antiaging night cream, night eye cream

This is A LOT for me. To me, that’s 3,000 steps. But it’s basic enough that it’s manageable without making me get up earlier in the morning or commit too much time before bed. Now I do switch it up at night because retinol creams can be harsh on my sensitive skin. So I alternate between that and an antiaging serum paired with vitamin c serum.

Now to the meat of this thing, the products I’m loving right now (I’ve added in some outside my normal daily routine because I like to switch it up):

Cleanser

Aveeno Positively Radiant Brightening Cleanser (Target, $5.59)

I’m a huge fan of Aveeno products. They’re inexpensive and they are so gentle on my skin. I also use their makeup remover wipes. This cleanser is long lasting, gently exfoliates, and the bottle lasts me forever. I even bought a three pack on Amazon for $15 thinking I’d go through the bottle faster but one of these bad boys has lasted me 5 months.

Toner

Equate Beauty Deep Cleaning Toner (Walmart, $2.50)

Look, I’m not claiming this is the best toner on the market at $2.50 but it works really well for me. I’ve been using it for years and had no issues. Again, one bottle lasts me probably 3 months. A little goes a long way.

Exfoliating Liquid

Paula’s Choice Skin Perfecting 2% BHA Liquid (Paula’s Choice, $29.50)

A friend recommended this to me because she also has super sensitive skin. It’s the first Paula’s Choice product I’ve tried and I’m hooked. It’s made with simple ingredients, no frills packaging and safe enough for me to use twice a day. I noticed a difference in the softness of my skin as well as how bright my skin has been right away.

Antiaging Night Cream

ROC Retinol Night Cream (Amazon, $12)

This product has been around for decades. I love that it is constantly rated high on every product list and is still $12. You can really get it anywhere but for me, Amazon is easy. It’s effective and stands the test of time, which is good enough for me.

Eye Cream

Bare Minerals SkinLongevity Vital Power Eye Gel Cream (Amazon, $18)

I love Bare Minerals products so I tried out their SkinLongevity line and while the serum made me breakout, I’ve found success with the eye cream. It’s gotten rid of virtually all dark circles as well as made my eyes in general feel brighter and softer. I think it’s normally $25-$30 but I found it on Amazon for $18. It’s not just a night cream either so feel free to use this bad boy for your daytime cream too.

Antiaging Vitamin Night Serum

Derma e Antiwrinkle Night Serum (TJ Maxx, $5.99)

I first tried out Derma e products from my BirchBox sbscription and found I really enjoy them. I started seeing their products at TJ Maxx for anywhere from $5.99-$9.99 so I scooped them up. This night serum is a great trade off when I need a break from retinol which can be harsh on sensitive skin. It’s got a great consistency and gives my skin the vitamins it needs each evening. I top this off with their vitamin c serum as well.

Exfoliating Wash

ELF Gentle Peeling Exfoliant (ELF.com, $8)

I bought this on Black Friday when everything on ELF was 60% off. I LOVE IT.  I believe it was $8, but don’t quote me. It’s gentle on my sensitive skin but you can see and feel it working as the dead skin lifts right off your face and neck. Highly recommended for those of you who are too sensitive for intense exfoliating treatments at the spa but still need to get that refresh. I only use it maybe 2x a week max.

That’s it. That’s what I’m loving right now. I have a lot of masks as well as some other face washes but these are my tried and true go to products right now.

What are you using? Share with your friend sequins!

The Year of Maybe

In a earlier post I spoke about my recent commitment to the year of maybe.  It’s my own take on the whole Year of Yes concept that became so popular a few years back. I’m by nature a planner. Someone who needs security. And yet I’m also adventurous. In complete contrast again, I’m also a 33 year old who is saving and planning for my future. All of those things put together make me less likely to commit to saying yes more and more likely to go with a strong maybe.

What does that even mean? It means when I’d normally say no, I pause to consider longer if that no can become a yes. I hold onto the possibility of doing the thing rather than immediately dismissing the idea of it.

In practice it looks a little like this:

As much as I am an outgoing human, I very easily slip into the life of a hermit if I’m not actively working to bolster my social life. When I get into the pattern of staying home, it quickly becomes a lifestyle. I say no to social engagements and convince myself I’m exhausted and practicing self care when in reality it could be weeks at a time of staying home on the weekends before I realize that. I have made myself practice awareness to avoid that antisocial behavior. Instead of immediately making plans to stay in on weeknights or weekends, I consider the activity more openly. Maybe happy hour or a late night concert isn’t something I’d like to engage in, but a workout class or sorting event is.

A year of yes for me sounds entirely exhausting and unmanageable. I have a job that requires a lot of time and energy, I like making time for fitness, and self care me time is super important to my ability to function. I also don’t want to commit to a year of yes if its financially irresponsible. Again, I’ll go to Europe with you, but I’m not wasting thousands of dollars on a last minute flight. I want to plan for the best possible experience that maximizes smart money choices. It’s a maybe because I need to consider what makes sense from all angles.

For some people, a year of yes really works. It shocks the system to make a huge life change and has proven to be successful for a lot of people. I understand why it works and the appeal to committing to such a huge lifestyle change. I also fully accept that it would never work for me.

So who is the year of maybe for? It’s for the people who want to live a little, but are also not in a place to completely uproot their lives. Or maybe they are but just don’t want to. I’m genuinely happy with my life. I enjoy my job, my social circle - I have a lot more good days than bad. But I also know I’m young and in a place to do more, see more, be more. So saying maybe to the crazy things that come up allows me to pause and incorporate new experiences into my world with low risk.

The goal for me in saying maybe and consequentially yes instead of an immediate no is to get out of my comfort zone and find a better balance in my life. I tend to dive head first into work and push aside everything else in my world. I justify it in a million different ways from starting a new role to wanting to get promoted to honestly any and every excuse you can think of. And it’s all just that, excuses. It’s entirely possible and in fact very realistic to have a thriving career as well as a thriving personal life.

However, I think this year of maybe also applies at work. For most of us, we get very focused on our role within a company and we don’t explore other skill sets. I’m attempting to say I might have time for that other project so that I develop talents and potentially passions for other avenues in my career. A big reason that people wake up one day and realize they hate what they do is because they’re steadfast in the way they go about their job. Tunnel vision on the current role without the possibility of expanding elsewhere. When we finally come up for air, we realize how unhappy we’ve been. Avoid that. Explore the things your current company has to offer. If your current organization doesn’t offer you that opportunity, dedicate some time offline looking into what else you’re passionate about. That way you don’t wake up at 50 miserable.

One key part of The Year of Maybe for me is finding intention in who and what I’m saying maybe to. In the year of yes you’re supposed to essentially say yes to everything. I’m 33, I have a generally strong idea of who I enjoy spending time with and what I enjoy doing. Although it seems counter to the year of maybe strategy, I’m going to say maybe not to people more than I have in the past. If I know I don’t enjoy time with someone, I’m not going to play the game of “let’s get together” then cancel plans. I’m not going to say yes to the late night Tuesday concert because I know neither of these situations will make me happy. It’s having a strong understanding of what works for you and not giving into thinking you’re “supposed” to be doing anything. I get stuck in my mind that I’m still young I should be doing x,y, and z and that’s absurd. I’m only supposed to be doing what makes me feel fulfilled. Nothing more, nothing less.

If you’re looking for a medium level life change, consider a year of maybe. Some of us aren’t looking for an entire life upheaval, we want an enhancement on something that’s already working pretty dang well. I’ve uprooted my life countless times. Switched jobs, moved across the country, cut people off - I’d like to just add a filter to what I’m working with now. It’s all working but let’s just give it an Instagram beauty filter and call it a day. That’s why the year of maybe is something that works really well for me. What works for you?