Every Day is a reason to CELEBRATE!

We all save things for special occasions.  Outfits, bottles of champagne -  whatever it is - we hold onto it for a celebration.  But why not treat every single day as a day to indulge in the best?

If I've learned anything in the past few years - its that life isn't promised, the good and the bad can change very quickly, and things are in fact - just things.  That being said, I'm still a bit of a hoarder.  I have wine I've been saving for two years, clothes I haven't worn yet because what if I need the perfect outfit for an event, and I often buy things I don't need.  So certainly although I say that the time is NOW to celebrate - I admit I need a little development of my own to practice what I preach.

I get it - the girl who is obsessed with glitter and plans parties is not out here celebrating every moment?  Alas - I am a fraud.  Well, not a fraud really, because I do tend to gift vials of glitter to people purely because every day deserves a little sparkle.  And I do wear tutus to work just because it's a Tuesday and I want to feel like a princess.  But I still save the bubbles and good red wines for special days - and then when the special days come - I claim they're not quite special enough for the good bottle.

But really - the good wine, the cute top, the fancy necklace - they're things.  I value them so much and yet when they're gone or worn - they're barely an after thought.  So what are we waiting for?  I had a really great week of work last week.  That's a reason to celebrate.  I walked for an hour today on an incline without foot pain - that deserves the good bottle of bubbles for sure!  The point is - it's not that hard to find a reason to celebrate. 

Instead of saving things for special occasions - create special occasions with what you've already got.  Stuff is stuff and things are things.  We give them value by how we use them and how we hold them up in our lives.  I'm going to start having the good wine on a Tuesday because I can.  And I'm going to wear the gorgeous shoes on a Thursday because I look good in them.  I'm goin to give Nash the fancy treats more often because he deserves it. 

Life is your special occasion.  Being alive is your reason to celebrate.  Commemorate the day and make memories because you freaking can.  I want to get to the end and remember the 1,000 times I chose to have a sparkly day - instead of the 4 times I celebrated because I wanted to save the cool things.  Throw a party because you woke up today.  And use the good china.  JK - I don't have any good china - but you can bet I've got a lot of good wine.

Boss Babe

In February I did part two of my guest blogging for Inspire Midtown.  This piece explores the age of the #BossBabe and how you can maximize being a kick ass working woman in a man's world.  Men, great piece for you to read as well.  Nothing is hotter than a man who is educated and believes in equality! Enjoy my Sequins!   

The age of the Boss Babe is finally here.  The Girl Boss, the Lady Boss – whatever you call it, it’s finally being represented in all types of media: books, television, social media, heck even Disney is on this bandwagon now!  But as great as it is to see representation of fierce women in business in the world today – we’ve still got a long way to go before we can talk about equality. 

In the workplace, I am a woman in a man’s world.  I’m in a world filled with 98% men and it’s brutal.  I’ve been told to wear the low-cut tops and high heels to attend a meeting with all men.  I’ve been asked who I’m sleeping with in the office because it’s often assumed working in sports that I’ve slept with quite the list of professional athletes.  So how do I navigate the world at work?  How do I artfully combat the boys club that is most certainly alive and well? Megyn Kelly said it best, often to speak up “is a suicide mission.”  How do I maintain my positive friendly demeanor while making sure my fierceness and my talents are thoroughly respected?   

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it forever more: become actively involved in the movement.  In order for women to thrive and to continue to evolve in the workplace, we need to act.  I highly suggest writing down your values and taking this plan into account with every professional move you make. 

1. Create Your Brand and Own Your Brand

Like any company or product, you are a brand.  Decide what you want your brand to represent and own that.  Always act in a way that reinforces what that brand is.  Once you know who you are in the business world, own it.  Be consistent in that brand.  Be proud of that brand.  Promote it shamelessly. Showcase why your brand is worth having on a team.  Be a brand that is hard to forget.

2. Think Equally and Be Strategic

Men aren’t scared to take credit.  They aren’t scared to challenge an opinion.  They aren’t scared to stand up for themselves and ask for what they deserve.  Men take the leadership role.  They don’t get called bossy.  Women should have the same mindset.Train yourself to think equally.  To think about YOU and your professional growth.  Don’t be a jerk, but don’t ever back off because you’re expected to be dainty or quiet.  Go out there and prove yourself and then ask for what you deserve.  This will require you to be exceptionally tough.  This requires thick skin.  It will be hard if you’re a more sensitive person, but I can promise you it will not only empower you, it will validate your worth. Remember, business is a strategy.

3. Be Ever Evolving

Be flexible.  Be adaptable.  Be ever evolving to the needs of your industry.  Men are constantly reading business books, attending trainings, asking mentors to take them under their wing.  Do the same.  Be open to feedback.  And be able to reject that feedback if it’s based in sexist undertones.  Men don’t let those things get to them.  They use it to fuel their fire.  Do the same.  Be a mentor.  Give back to the next generation and teach equality at work.  Do not ever stop being open to growth.

4. Set Boundaries and Speak Up

Be very clear in your words and actions.  Set boundaries for yourself and for others. If you want to be treated as an equal, do not allow sexist behavior to occur in your presence.Make it known in a professional way that you’re uncomfortable with any gestures, words, and actions that are demeaning or foster sexist attitudes.  If you are asking for equality and laugh at sexist jokes or allow inappropriate actions, you’re defeating yourself.  It’s not always easy to stand up against these words and actions but if you don’t create those boundaries early on, nobody will respect you down the road when you claim they’re not okay.

5. Never Compromise Yourself

Lastly, never be afraid to walk away.  I left a job because I stood up for myself and what was right.  I knew that speaking out was going to get me in hot water.  But I also recognized that staying in an unhealthy environment where I was thought of as less than because I am a woman wasn’t going to further my career.  I chose not to compromise my values, and thus I spoke up.It was a huge, terrifying risk, but in the end, it allowed me to grow and made me better.  I have gained more opportunities by being true to myself and most of all, myself.

Having a plan is invigorating.  Being able to tailor that plan to your unique personality is empowering.  And putting that plan into action is progress.  It’s progress towards equality and its creating opportunities for the future women of the world.  Once you’re able to create who you are in the workplace – professional, powerful, thriving, dream achieving you – and stick to that plan – you’re ready to take that skill and share it with your peers.  Because at the end of the day, the package you put forth in the world is your super power.  It’s a super power that influences opinions, is a source of guidance to others, and it’s changing the world.  As tough as it can often be to be a woman at work, it can also be an opportunity.  It’s an opportunity to write your own story and to contribute to what being a woman today means.  Personally, I’m passionate about contributing to that story and I hope you are to.

And make sure you check out Inspire Midtown (www.inspiremidtown.com) for more awesome knowledge and inspiration about equality!

What Makes You Happy Now?

I read a blog recently about a woman who went through a really hard time in her life.  She was at a standstill.  Her entire world had been shattered and it seemed impossible to go back to her everyday reality.  So she quit her job.  She packed up her life.  And she decided to travel the world.  The plan?  To keep doing what makes her happy RIGHT NOW. 

She decided to stop worrying about the burden of the future and take things one single moment at a time.  To focus on what made her happy in the moment.  And as she continued to do what made her happy, rather than worry about the incredible anxiety that comes with planning out the next forever - she slowly relaxed.  And she was actually happy.

I relate to living a life of planning, of control - of the strategy leading up to the happy ending.  But what I've missed is that there's no happy ending.  Life ends.  The journey is what is meant to be enjoyed.  You can strategize all you want - but none of us are getting out alive.  Is it really worth spending 50-60+ years working for the happy when you could just be happy now?

So here's what we're going to do - because I'm going to need a team to get me out of my head and into my heart - we are going to work on happy now.  We are going to worry just a little bit less about tomorrow and the next day and the 10 years from now.  And we are going to be realistic - because after all - I may be open to impulse - I am not open to becoming an outright hippie.  It's just not who I am.

Step One - Start Small

I've spent 31 years as a control freak.  And although I've been working to change that - it's hard to change a stubborn woman like me.  So wee start small.  If I want to take a nap instead of clean, I'm going to take the nap.  If I want a mini cupcake instead of yogurt for a snack, I'm going to eat the cupcake.  If binge watching a TV show I've missed will make me happy, catch me on the couch.  And if I want to go for a walk in the middle of my workday, I'm going to do that too.  The point - maybe you can't quit your job and travel the world right now - but you can engage in small activities that will boost your mood and elevate your happiness until you can get there.

Step Two - Decide what happy means to you

The more you listen to your heart and what makes it smile - the more you'll start to realize what makes you really happy.  Because now that you're taking a moment to get in touch with your level of happiness - you're making yourself more aware of what really does fill your soul.  Start to write that down.  Rate things based on level of enjoyment.  Become acutely aware of what happy means to you and start channeling your focus in those areas to really maximize instant happy. 

Step Three - Think Bigger

Once you become an expert in your own happiness, find a way to turn the little happiness into big happiness.  Get strategic.  Make everything happy.  Realize that when you're not happy, or doing something that doesn't bring you joy - you can check yourself and engage in a way that makes the moment happier.  Not everything is going to make us happy - but when we are more aware of what does - we are more easily able to get back to happy more quickly.  Additionally, say travel is what makes you happiest - turn those lunchtime walks to weekend trips.  And those weekend trips into week long adventures.  Turn your small moments into big ones.  Instead of buying things - walk on the beach, hike a mountain - you're mixing instant happy with saving money for long term happy. 

Life isn't about planning a happy ending, it's about making every single day happy.  We can't control what happens to us and we cannot control anyone else.  But we can be active participants in our own joy.  We can change our attitude and change our entire life with how we choose to live it.  I've always believed that happiness is a controllable.  It's a choice.  And if its what you value - you'll make it a priority.  Not tomorrow, not for the future, but NOW - and for the rest of your life. 

They Let Me Be a Mentor

I'm uncertain if they actually let me be a mentor.  I don't get paid to do it.  I just pick my favorite little sequins and I give them career advice.  Whether they like it or not.  So realistically nobody lets me be a mentor, I just am one.

Regardless of how I got here - I'm here.  I've got my flock of little future world leaders and I spend some of my free time imparting my wisdom upon their fresh little minds.  I still kind of feel like an imposter giving business advice to anyone - but I also oddly buy into my own product.  I've had this crazy nontraditional journey that I'm sure isn't over - and I love that I can provide insight into achieving your dreams without having to follow the rules.

That being said - I'm really picky about who I gift my wisdom to.  I place high value on my brand and so if you're associated with me and my brand - you've got to measure up.  I'm happy to gift 30 minutes of my time to speak to someone about the industry and briefly offer some advice - but should I invest anymore time than that - I've got to believe in who you are and where you're headed.  If I'm adopting you as my little sequin of the future -I'm committing time and energy and resources into helping you succeed - so you've got to earn that trust and investment.

Mentorship is important to me.  The people I bring into my business world are important to me.  It gives me a lot of fulfillment to be able to build these sequins up and encourage them to be their best selves, follow their dreams, and never settle.  And although a lot of them tell me they can't get where they are without me - I can't grow without them.  They motivate me to work hard, keep my passions first, and that I can have it all.  They also remind me of where I came from.  They remind me to never forget what I've been through and where I'm going.  They continue to inspire me and teach me as much as I teach them. 

If you're not a mentor, become one.  If you don't have a mentor, get one.  But be picky.  The mentor/mentee relationship is sacred.  It's trusting your goals, dreams, insecurities, past, present, and future - with someone who you should aim to build a lifelong relationship with.  And its not a way to get ahead.  It's not a connection you use to get somewhere.  It's a bond that is supposed to grow who you are as a person in business and in life.  It's not to be taken lightly and if you do it right, it can change your life.

Work Swagg

As you know - since you all read my blog religiously - I've had quite the work journey.  I've had the low pay, the dream job, the hostile work environment, the bored out of my mind - all of it.  And I've moved over and over, spent 6 months to 4 years at various jobs.  The one consistency, the one guiding method to my madness - has been that I refuse to settle.

Because early in my career I dealt with some less than ideal work environments - along the way - I lost my work mojo.  I lost my confidence in what I do and I forgot that I'm a really bad ass boss babe.  Just as I finally got into my dream gig - what I had spent years working for - I was broken down and beat up.  It was a daily grind of not being good enough, being told I was bossy, never praised for the truly incredible events I was producing - and it got to me.

I left that job a little bit broken, defeated, discouraged - and wondering if I'd ever find the right fit.  And then I got a new job.  And it was another disappointment.  And then - it took me SIX MONTHS to find a job I felt I could thrive in.  Even after I accepted this new adventure - I had doubts.  Was I making the right choice?  Would this be just another bad fit?  Was I the problem?

It's been about 3+ years of the uncertainties.  Of the working hard, giving it everything I've got - and then not being able to feel that confidence in what I've accomplished.  My mom calls it my PTSD.  I'm so used to this bizarre work life where tough love and breaking you down is the way leadership molds its environment that when I'm in a normal healthy place - I don't know what to do.  I'm constantly doubting myself, making a mountain out of a mole hill, and worrying whether I'm as good as I thought.

The thing is - I am really good at this.  I'm better than a lotof people at this.  My weirdly bubbly and odd ball personality is what gives me some insanely good creative ideas.  I am a master of the details.  I am fueled by the stressful situations.  People like me.  I know what it takes to produce the events that make people connect to whatever the goal of that event is - to identify and feel loyalty to that brand.  There is tangible proof all of this is true.

And yet most days - there's that evil little PTSD elf sitting on my shoulder saying - you're not good enough.  You don't deserve to be here. 

Surely part if it is my anxiety.  And part of it is the extremes of the work environments I've lived in.  But at what point do I take responsibility and say enough is enough.  I can't control my anxiety all the time.  And I certainly cannot change my past jobs.  But I can move forward.  I can say - you got out of those situations and you are refusing to settle. 

Part of refusing to settle - is taking responsibility and acknowledging I do have that PTSD but those doubts are unfounded.  It's making a conscious effort to recognize those situations, those moments of doubt - and stopping that asshole elf before he takes over the sparkles in my brain.  It's reminding myself of all the really awesome things I've done and accomplished and moving forward without fear because I am a badass - and these companies are lucky to have me. 

We all have our fears, doubts, and freak-outs.  We live in a world where working longer, achieving more, and being the best is paramount to anything.  Most of us place an unhealthy amount of pressure on ourselves to be perfect.  And that's not realistic.  And its not productive.  It's not how we become better.

So as I learn to get my workplace swagg back - in a new job that affords me a really great environment to do so - I am choosing to cut myself a break, be my own cheerleader, and have faith in the business woman that I know I am. 

Who I am.

A lot of people don't care about sports.  They don't have an interest.  And that's ok.  It's the people that say sports don't have value that are dead wrong.  The people that just see a game that truly are ignorant. 

 Sports have taught me more about life than anything I've learned anywhere else.  Sports have taught me discipline.  They have taught me passion.  Sports have taught me how to fail and succeed.  Sports have taught me that life is unfair.  They have taught me how to be knocked down to my lowest point and to come back ten times stronger.  I am a leader and a teammate because of sports.  Sports gave me family.  Sports truly define who I am and I am forever grateful for all that they have given me.

Growing up I was often unsure of who I was.  But in sports, I was always my best.  On the track or on the soccer field - I was confident, committed, and engaged.  I always knew I was the best, I worked the hardest, and I was present in creating a future.  Even when I got to college - at a D1 school - when I was among 100 other people who were also the best - I never doubted myself. 

Being part of a team - being accountable to my team, my coaches, myself - instilled in me a work ethic that is unrivaled.  It created in me a need to excel, a comradery that bonded me to my teammates as family, and ensured I could never give up because it meant letting these people down.

As an adult (ish) in the working world - my experiences in sports have carried into my success in business.  I wholeheartedly believe that if you put me against a candidate who was not involved in sports - I am 100% of the time a better choice.  I am dedicated, passionate, loyal, and I know how to problem solve, fail, and make a comeback better than most. 

A lot of people don't understand the importance of sports.  And to that - I say - of course you don't, you're not part of this team.  Unless you've lived this life - it doesn't make sense to you.  But make no mistake - whether you believe in it or not - sports are powerful.  The skills they provide, the warriors they build - they're real. 

Sports have defined my life and who I am more than anything else I've experienced.  The people affecting me the most are my fellow teammates, coaches, and other athletes in this world.  I am who I am because of Athletics and I am forever grateful for that.

The Greatest Lesson I've Ever Learned.

At the ripe age of 22, I was working at my alma mater and was supervising a group of interns.  I'm uncertain who felt this was a good idea given that I was very much still a child myself in the business world, but nonetheless here I was, the boss to kids maybe a year younger than me.  Two years max.  Little did I know, that in title I may have been the boss, but the greatest lesson I have ever learned, came from one of those students.

Gen was a free spirit from San Diego.  She had a swagger - rightfully so as she excelled as a point guard on the basketball team.  I never saw her without a smile and could often hear her laugh before she entered the office.  I knew her when I was an athlete at Davis and so hiring her was a no brainer - I know what it takes to be a D1 athlete at a University with high academic expectations and I knew she could do the job. 

Throughout her time as an intern - she made fun a priority.  No matter what I asked of her she made it fun.  She was about getting the job done and enjoying every moment.  I used to get pictures sent from her and her equally as amazing counterpart Paige of whatever shenanigans they had turned the task into.  Whether it be trying on the mascot costume to stacking cases of wine - there was laughter.

The thing about Gen was that whatever she wanted to do, she did it.  A lot of people talk about what they dream of - of making the most out of every minute - but Gen without a doubt personified that life.  She wanted to go to Paris, so she just did it.  She wanted to move across the country for a job, she packed up and left.  Gen lived her life without fear, without worry, without any real plan (so it would seem) but at the end of the day - she succeeded in all that she did because the only plan was to maximize this gift of life.

Gen graduated and I eventually moved on from Davis and started my new life in Colorado.  I remember getting a message from Paige that Gen was sick.  She was 26.  I remember not understanding the extent of her illness.  It didn't hit me that she may die from this.  But the more I was kept up to date - the more I understood how serious it was.  Gen had stage 4 breast cancer, and it was spreading.  We quickly worked with her family and our Davis community to start a fundraiser to help Gen and her family with mounting medical costs.  The only way I know how to react in serious situations is to problem solve.  But regardless of everything we all did, regardless of how hard She fought - Gen passed away less than a month after her initial diagnosis.  I was devastated.  I was shocked.  I was really angry.  

Throughout her entirely brief illness - Gen was happy.  She was positive.  She was laughing and she was having fun.  Her texts were normal and silly.  She was dying - an elite athlete - dying from a disease she had no family history of and no warning.  And she still made the most of every single second she had.  

It will be four years this May since Gen passed.  And every day I think about her.  Her life and her death have affected me immensely.  My entire life I've planned everything, I've set high expectations for myself and I've focused on what I should be doing instead of what I want to be doing.  In the past four years I've used Gen's mantra of living life doing instead of planning to guide my decisions. 

I am inherently a control freak.  I plan everything.  I put my dreams aside to fulfill expectations.  When Gen passed, from a disease that has greatly impacted my life and the life of those I love, it shook me to my core.  It reinforced that life does not care who you are, you simply cannot plan for everything.  As hard as it has been for me to step outside of the need to control, I have dramatically changed who I am and how I live because of what Gen taught me.  I have setbacks and I struggle - but I work really hard to DO instead of PLAN. 

The greatest lesson I ever learned was from my student intern - Genevieve Costello.  I am so thankful for that lesson - and I promise to honor your legacy by committing myself to living the way you taught me to live.  I never got the opportunity to tell you how much of a profound impact you had on my life - but I hope that you hear me talking to you, praying to you, and channeling your strength in my heart.  Thank you for being one of the greatest motivators in my life my point guardian angel, I hope I'm down here making you proud.

#GC12

The Worst Thing That Ever Happened

I'm going to be single forever.  At one point or another, most of us have said this.  If you haven't you're probably from the South and have been married since 14.  But for most of Americans today, we've had that thought of never finding "The One" cross our minds.  And really, is that the worst thing that could ever happen to you?

I love love.  I love relationships because to me marriage is the ultimate team.  But at the end of the day, if I don't get married, if I don't find my forever, that's not going to be the worst thing in the world.  Because to me, being in an unhappy partnership, an abusive relationship, or an unequal partnership are far worse than winding up alone.  Equally if not worse are things like cancer, death, severe disfigurement - but sure, single can top your list of worst things ever if ya like.

For those of you who have a deep fear of being alone - who actually do believe that its the worst thing that could ever happen to you - may I suggest that the fear could stem from not being comfortable with yourself.  This also may be why you haven't met the right person to begin with.  Should your greatest fear be winding up alone, I highly advise working on your relationship with yourself.  Because at the end of it all - if you're not happy with you and comfortable being alone - you won't ever find true happiness with anyone else.

Let's talk about how to get comfortable with realizing being single is not a disability.  It's not a sign of being a loser.  It's not a defining quality.  Being single doesn't make you less accomplished.  It's not something you have to check off in order to live your best life.

Being single is your opportunity to develop your most important relationship you will ever have - the one you have with yourself.  Because to me, the worst thing that can ever happen is being unhappy with yourself.  If at the end of this great adventure I don't find my teammate, I'm not alone and its not the worst thing that will ever happen to me.  I've got a lot of people in my corner, including myself - that make me jut as fulfilled, just as happy - and just as worthy as anyone with a wedding ring.  If I'm not happy, comfortable, and confident with myself - that truly is the worst thing that could ever happen and THAT would be my failure.

Make it Awkward

We all spend a lot of time keeping it from getting awkward.  We avoid the weirdness by excusing the behavior of others rather than saying - no actually its not ok.  We let people do the shitty things instead of calling them on it.  We let companies rip us off rather than fighting for the refund.  We get taken advantage of instead of just saying no, I actually can't do that.  We focus really hard on not making it really uncomfortable for someone else and then we are left feeling really uncomfortable ourselves.  I'm not into that life.  Maybe its because I'm secretly 95 at heart or because I'm exhausted from being everything to everyone - but I've decided to make it awkward.

Calm down.  I'm not going full blown crazy.  I'm not going to be a jerk and I'm not going to take it too far.  But I am going to say no, it's not okay that I was overcharged because an employee wasn't trained.  It's not okay that my ex was going through a hard time so he treated me poorly.  It is unreasonable to expect me to disregard my mental health to make someone else happy.  And part of being able to say those things out loud -to those people - means being okay with how they react.  A lot of people don't like being put in those awkward situations.  They want you to say of course its ok and no problem, I totally understand.  And when you tell them otherwise, they don't always respond in kind.  Be okay with that response.  The point is to make it awkward because its not up to you to forgo your self care to make anyone else happy.  And in order to do that - you have to make peace that you're abandoning the peace of being agreeable.

It's not easy to make it awkward.  It's often exhausting, uncomfortable and downright unpleasant.  But it's also freeing, empowering, and uplifting.  When you've spent a lot of time being everything for everyone - putting yourself to the side - it becomes almost status quo.  You get used to keeping things comfortable for others.  And soon - people decide that's who you are - and they expect it from you at all times.  When you decide to make that change - its upsetting for the people who've never known they don't take you into consideration.  They can react in the most negative of ways.  And that can hurt.  It can cause you frustration and pain and doubt.  For me, it's a lot more painful, exhausting, and frustrating to keep being everything. 

Make it Awkward.  Don't excuse the shitty behavior of others simply because it makes them more comfortable.  Don't make yourself feel bad for showing them the way in which you deserve to be treated.  Learn that its ok to say I can't be everything to everyone anymore, I want to be considered too.  You're allowed to change, grow, and want more.  Life is for getting uncomfortable and real.  Treating others with kindness and consideration includes YOU too.

The Art of War

Business is a battlefield.  It's navigating egos, balancing personalities, and figuring out who you are at work.  It's being social with boundaries.  It's being strong but not an asshole.  It's going above and beyond but not sacrificing your whole life.  Work is war, and in war - there's an art to winning.

It took me a really long time to understand the politics of working in an office.  I'm a loud, straightforward, strong, and opinionated person.  I am loyal, hardworking, and I push the limits.  I don't have an off switch and I often speak before thinking.  I've absolutely crossed the line in the workplace and I've let myself get in some sticky situations professionally. 

Now I'm not saying at the ripe age of 31 I've perfected the Art of War at Work, but I am an established soldier and I've got some insight into how you can avoid mistakes I've made as you navigate this world of adulting. 

The War Starts on Day One

The first day you start work is critical.  Not to put more pressure on you but day one is setting your strategy for who you plan to be at work.  Are you going to be the funny one?  The serious one?  The friend to everyone?  Day one is where your colleagues start to learn about who you are and where you're going to fit into their world.  My advice to you - be you, but be a business casual version of you.  In other words - don't pretend to be super serious if you're super not serious in your normal life.  Find a balance between utilizing your humor but keeping it appropriate (business casual).  If you're an overly trusting oversharing type - tone that shit down - but don't try to be cold and aloof.  Whoever you are - business it up but don't try to change who you are.  That's exhausting and unrealistic and it won't last.

Remember You are Your Own Brand

You are representing your brand at all times.  And the brand you build lasts your entire career.  When you make choices, act, and engage at work - you're not just showing your colleagues who you are - you're also leaving an impression that extends to their network.  And you'd be surprised how far that network extends.  Always remember this.  Remember it at the Christmas party before you take shots.  Remember this before you start sleeping with your colleague.  And remember this before you talk poorly about someone to someone else at work.  Your brand, your reputation is all you have.  Choose to be a brand that others respect and value.  Because while you cannot control who likes you or what others may do - you can control you and you can control your brand message.  You get one shot at what that message is.

Boundary Setting

Boundaries at work are critical.  Boundaries are what keep you in check and help you pause before acting or speaking in a way that crosses the line.  Be careful who you trust.  Be aware of how you engage with those around you.  Be mindful of what you share about your personal life.  A rule of thumb I have is if you wouldn't want your boss knowing about it, if you wouldn't say it to your boss, simply don't share it with anyone else.  It's ok to trust a select few - some of my closest friends are people I've met at work - but be selective.  Take time to get to know these people you spend your time with.  It's truly just not possible that each and every person in your office is trustworthy and your best friend.  Set boundaries and respect the boundaries of others.  It's better to be a bit of a mystery than a completely open book in the workplace.

I'd also like you to keep in mind that work, no matter how casual, no matter the office size, no matter how long you've been there - is a business.  And even the most caring and supportive business - is defined by success.  It's lifeblood is based in that success.  Your company can care about you and value you - but it can also thrive without you - don't make it easy for them to make that decision.

I'll leave you with a few very obvious, yet from my experience, often forgotten rules in The Art of War at Work:

• Don't be the one who drinks too much at work functions
• Don't be the one who dates (or sleeps with) the entire office
• Don't be the one who overshares about everything
• Don't be the one who acts like a cold closed off robot
• Don't be the one who cries a lot
• Don't be the one who has a temper
• Don't be the one who's always making inappropriate jokes
• Don't be the one who is always "on"
• Don't be the one who dresses inappropriately, sloppily, or has hygiene issues

I get that those were all negative things.  But they're unfortunately quite common.  And I cringe at every single one.  At the end of the day - The Art of War at Work is 98% common sense.  And learning how to master it - shouldn't be that hard.  Be mindful of how you engage at work and the precedence you're setting.  If you're excelling at The Art of War - you're most likely creating a better, more positive experience for you and those around you.  And that's worth waiting until you get home for that 3rd drink or to make the really crude joke.  Trust me - I'm a 4 star general in the Art of War at Work and if I can do it, anyone can.