The Power of Culture

I've spent a lot of time in work environments that were unhealthy.  Between working 24/7, being verbally harassed, and colleagues pitted against each other - I've never been part of a work culture that I enjoyed.  Being in sports I mostly assumed this was what I was going to have to deal with if I chose to stay in the entertainment events world.  But I also knew that I couldn't sustain a life where I felt exhausted, discouraged, and physically unhealthy. 

Flash forward to February of 2016.  I was yet again in a position that wasn't fulfilling and an environment that made me miserable.  At this point I even started to think I may be the problem.  I had been unhappy in my new role since about the second month I arrived.  I began looking for a new job about month three.  And in month six - I was "laid off due to budget concerns."  Realistically it was the only way they could get rid of me because technically I was doing a great job but I was pushing back against the culture and the role that was not as promised.  As stressful as it was to be in the position I was in, I felt relief not having to go back to that job for one more day.

The day I was let go I made myself a promise.  I was going to focus my efforts on finding a role with a company that was the right fit culturally.  I was going to ask more questions, do more research and refuse to settle until it felt right.  I was turned down for jobs I thought were perfect and I turned down jobs that would have been just fine but weren't going to provide me the environment I craved.

Six months later I accepted a position with a company that I spent a good four weeks interviewing with.  I researched the company on Glassdoor, I reached out to contacts and learned firsthand what the company was like to be at, and I asked the questions they say you're not supposed to ask in interviews.  I made it clear a work life balance was important to me.  I spoke openly about my past environment issues and emphasized the importance of being somewhere with a culture I believed in and felt valued in.  And when four weeks later, on Christmas Eve, when I was offered the position - the way in which it was offered - the offer itself that the team worked hard to be able to offer me - the emphasis on how even though the other candidate has more direct agency experience but they felt a better connection with me - everything about it felt right. 

Almost three months later I still feel that same confidence in the choice I made.  From day one the responsibility I've been given, the way in which my personal time is respected, the way people interact with each other - is a complete 180 from anything I've ever experienced in a company.  I work a lot, especially with my travel schedule recently, but I don't feel the same emotional exhaustion that I've dealt with in the past.  The standards are high, the expectations even higher, the level of talent in one place is above and beyond anywhere I've been - and it creates a level of trust, competition, and excitement that makes coming to work fun.  My days fly by and are often chaotic, but I'm never bored and I'm always learning.

Sure, it's early in the game.  I've made the mistake of thinking things were rainbows and unicorns too early before.  And this could be something that doesn't workout.  But now that I know the possibility of happiness at work is a thing - I'm even more determined to stick with my never settle mentality.  Because its not me.  I am good at what I do, I'm a MF delight to be around, and I work hard.  Of course I still have a little PTSD and have my moments of doubt in myself.  And no, contrary to popular belief, I am not perfect, I screw up.  I still stress myself out for no reason.  And I am learning to get my confidence back in who I am at work.  But all the abuse, the misery, the years of never giving up - they're worth it.  My journey isn't traditional.  My path is often lonely.  But it's something I fiercely believe in and each day of happiness reinforces my belief that the dream is worth fighting for. 

Whatever the dream job and environment is for you - it's out there.  It's not easy to find.  It's often long and exhausting.  But giving up, taking the easy road, staying in the bad situation - that's not how you achieve the dream.  Don't give up.  Don't stop showing up.  And don't ever let anyone keep you from what makes your soul shine.

BS.

A big part of my growth this past year has been learning to call myself out on my own bullshit.  Getting really honest with myself without the BS has truly been the most difficult part of growing up and taking control of my own journey.

I'm really hard on myself.  There's nobody out there who judges me and pushes me more than me.  Chances are if someone has thought something negative about me, I've thought of 400 other things on top of that.  But I also have a tendency to shut out others and place blame where it doesn't belong.  What I've learned from all of this is that I am the only one responsible for my happiness and my situation.  Regardless of how anyone else treats me, whatever may happen to me - it's on me to clear the BS and move forward. 

Let's talk examples.  If you've got a friend who repeatedly shows you they're not that great of a friend - yet you keep going back expecting a different result - that's on YOU not on that friend.  Sure, they might be a jerk, but clear the BS you tell yourself about how they treat you and how you don't deserve it, and walk away.  YOU are creating the negative situation by allowing someone to treat you in a negative way. 

What about things out of your control?  Illness, injury, layoffs, crime, etc.  Certainly these things are horrifying and not your fault.  But if you wallow and choose to say "I didn't deserve this" and focus on an unfair situation, that's on you.  That's feeding yourself BS and excusing yourself from takin responsibility.  Life is often really unfair, but choosing to live in a negative space because of that - that's on you.  And its caused by you.

We all do it.  We all feed ourselves BS for one reason or another.  We say I cant workout today because we are too tired, we excuse our negative attitude because we've had a hard week at work, we spend money we don't have because "we deserve a treat."  It's kind of part of life to feed yourself the bullshit and to believe in it.  But for most of us, there's that little voice in the back of our head that says, this is bullshit and you know it.  That voice is the one I choose to listen to.

I've had the most challenging time in my life in the past year and it forced me to confront that voice.  It forced me to get really honest with myself and realize that I can't control the uncontrollable, I cant feel bad for myself because of how others choose to live their lives, I cannot get anywhere by blaming bad work situations.  I realize that none of these things are my fault - but what is my fault is choosing to let these things control my happiness. 

It's been extremely difficult to confront the control freak in me, to look at that little brat in the eye and say - not today Satan!  It's been eye opening really freaking unpleasant to face my own BS and to stop allowing it to excuse my mood or my behavior.  It's retraining my entire way of thinking and it's not easy.  But what I've learned is that it relieves a lot of stress and unnecessary emotions when I'm real with myself.  I'm already living wit anxiety so being able to take a little bit of that unnecessary stress away is huge.  When I do have successful days that are BS free, I am happier, healthier, and able to have a better quality of life. 

So how do you become Zen and perfect like me you ask?  You call yourself out.  On everything.  Don't let yourself slide on any of the bullshit you feed yourself.  Don't want to workout?  Don't blame your job or your 34 year old back injury that's fully healed, just say I don't want to workout.  Don't blame your boss for hating your job and being miserable.  Change your attitude or change your situation.  Keep it 100% with yourself.  And from doing so, you'll learn a lot about yourself and what makes you happy.  And you'll eventually learn how to live your best life. 

Ditch the BS and take a chance on being responsible for your everyday happiness.  I promise it's the hardest most miserable thing ever, but when you finally start to see results, it's a powerful feeling.

Panic Room

I was diagnosed with anxiety as a teenager.  I've been on various medications, in therapy, and actively working to control what can be a debilitating condition since I can remember.  I don't like to talk about my anxiety because there is still a lot of judgment that comes with admitting I live with a mental health condition that is easily misunderstood and often brushed off as not real.

Anxiety is very real and depending on the level of severity - something that is extremely disruptive of everyday life.  Things that are no big deal to most people, create extreme stress for me.  Brief interactions create hours of dwelling on meaning for future relationships both personal and professional.  Mistakes often feel like entire life failures.  I have absolutely irrational fears that control my reactions when faced with those situations.  There are times when I can become so overwhelmed I completely breakdown and shut out everyone around me.  Causing me to miss out on momentous occasions and critical experiences I regret not being part of.  And thus the cycle repeats.

Hearing about those things - from someone who is so outgoing, positive, and sparkly - is often shocking.  But I think because of who I am - its important for the stigma that I talk about my anxiety and how I learn to live my life with something that could easily keep me from living my best life.  The important thing to understand is that despite bad days and stressful situations - I get up, I show up, and I put the work in to keep my anxiety under control.

Chances are - someone important to you has anxiety.  We are certainly not a rare breed.  We are the people who never sit still, the ones who stress about being on time, who always have a plan, and who have an answer to everything.  We don't like not being in control so we are over prepared and overthinking everything.  We don't take things at face value and we can't let it go.  We are the friend who you describe as high strung, overachieving, and probably a bit neurotic.  We know we are all of these things.  We are hyper aware we do all of these things.  We fully understand we are being extra - but its not as easy as taking a deep breath and getting over it.

The absolute worst things you can say to someone who suffers from anxiety:

• It's not a big deal
• Just breathe
• Get over it

Having anxiety is not a choice.  Simply moving past whatever is causing the anxiety is not a choice.  The only part of anxiety that is a choice is actively learning about your personal life with it and how to maximize life as someone with the disorder.  If you're reading this and you have anxiety - it is your responsibility to take an active role in managing your triggers, reactions, and preventing big episodes.  It's on you to get therapy, learn what calms you down, seek medicine - do whatever you need to do to put the effort in for a normal life.

If you're reading this as someone who loves a person with anxiety, and that person is doing their part to manage the condition, you have a responsibility to support that person too.  If that person is important to you - then make understanding their anxiety important to you.

Here's how to be supportive of your anxious person:

• Accept your person for who they are: Again, anxiety is not a choice.  Accept this and accept your person for who they are, mental health condition and all
• Talk about it: Ask questions.  Be open with your person and ask them what it feels like, what their triggers are, and how you can help ease the disorder with your reactions.  Be open about how it affects you too.  There needs to be a safe space for open communication.
• Learn about it: Do some research.  Read a book.  Google reputable sources.  Whatever it is, learn about the science and the advances and concerns about anxiety.  It's not all the same.
• Set Boundaries: Anxiety is a lot to deal with.  If there are things you can't deal with, be up front about unhealthy situations.  It's on you to support the people you choose to love, but it's not on you to deal with abusive behavior.
• Let go of the stigma: Anxiety is prevalent.  Don't treat people who suffer from something they haven't chosen like they're less than.  Keep an open mind and shut off your instinct to judge.  This goes back to learning.  The more educated you are, the less need you feel to judge.

I don't talk about my anxiety with many people.  But the people close to me know it very well.  They are my home team and I could not do this without them.  I'm hoping by sharing my experiences with you, you'll realize anxiety doesn't affect one type of person and it doesn't discriminate.  It's possible to be happy and sparkly and successful - and live with sometimes crippling anxiety.  I have a mental health condition and I don't believe that makes me any less amazing than anyone else in this world. 

Business Games

I love sports.  Sports have been my business for the past 7 years and my passion for as long as I can remember.  I feel a sense of loyalty to the teams and players that I support - I am emotionally attached to the wins and losses as well as how we play the game.  Sports teach you how to be your best and they give fans a sense of ownership.  But at the end of the day - sports are a business. 

The NBA, NFL, MLB - they're the parent company to each team within their organization.  And each team is responsible for creating a successful product.  That product is winning games.  You win games - you sell seats.  When the seats are full, the media sells, concessions sell, gear sells, and so forth.  At the end of the day - winning is what matters.  When you're not winning, its a lot harder to fill seats, garner media interest, and ultimately turn a profit.

So what am I getting at?  I'm trying to show you super fans who yell and scream and curse your teams/players/owners for their lack of loyalty to you/your city that you can cause a ruckus all you want - loyalty in the sports business is to winning.  Nothing else.  I feel your pain.  I went into mourning when Brian Wilson went to the Dodgers.  I hate on the Niners to this day for letting Alex Smith go and going with Kap (although seriously they should listen to me about that after this season...) - but I also understand that what we fans feel - is not what these executives feel. 

Team owners/executives have numbers to produce.  They must produce wins and sell tickets and reach financial goals.  So while you and I are focusing on winning too - we also feel emotionally invested in players.  We love the guy in the community and the rookie who leaves it all on the court.  But to the team - these players are replaceable. They're part of the puzzle until they don't fit.  And then they're plucked off the bus and given a ticket elsewhere.  It's harsh.  It's cold.  It's business.

I've watched it happen.  I've seen the roll call on the bus for the guys who were on their way to a game in Chicago but are now being asked to clear out their lockers and move to a new city.  I've gotten the phone calls threating death to owners, cursing out salespeople, burning of the jerseys and posting it online.  Fans are loyal, emotional, and the lifeblood of the organization.  Certainly without fans - there's no team.  But I'll be really honest with you - if you think your opinions on player deals, playing time, or coaching choices matter - you should put your beer down and go home.  They need you to buy tickets but at the end of the day, with or without you the organization will go on.  Maybe to a new city, but it will go on.

I realize this post is probably a little depressing - but life is tough - I just want to keep it real with you.  But with all of that knowledge being dropped - I want you to know - I'm still just as crazy passionate as you are about my teams.  And even knowing all the behind the scenes of it - I'm still just as irrational as you are when my favorite player gets sent away.  Sure, sports are a business, but they're also my heart.

LinkedIn - The New Facebook?

Our entire lives are based in social media.  You've got Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and about 1,000 other platforms I'm blissfully unaware of.  LinkedIn has become the social media for business.  And with the importance of networking, it's a extremely useful tool for building your relationships and showcasing your work.  But recently I've noticed that the line between Facebook and LinkedIn have been crossing paths quite often.  And what used to be a really great resource for business is quickly becoming just another version of Facebook.

I like boundaries.  I strongly believe in having boundaries in the workplace and keeping personal and professional lives separate.  You don't discuss politics, relationships, or personal issues in the workplace.  For me, LinkedIn is an extension of the business world.  I utilize a professional photo, my status updated are related to my career, and when I engage with others its for business reasons. 

More and more I'm seeing questionably appropriate photos, political rants, and receiving romantically laced emails inquiring about my relationship status or complimenting my appearance. When I see people who are utilizing LinkedIn in this way, I remove them from my network.  And I sincerely hope if you respect yourself as a career person, you will too. 

I'm unsure if people feel its a safe space because they're behind a computer, but in the workplace, these things wouldn't fly.  They wouldn't be appropriate and the people engaging in this way wouldn't be people you respect in business.  LinkedIn is a space where you specifically post your resume and identify your employer.  One would then argue that you are in fact a representative of your employer while engaging in this space.  With that in mind, would you still be engaging on LinkedIn in the manner you are currently doing so? 

Personally, I disengage and I think twice before doing business with anyone who takes this space to a personal, social level.  I question their ability to be effective at their job and to be able to separate business and personal.  If I question your judgment on the internet, I certainly don't have time to risk working with you in the real world.

I really enjoy LinkedIn.  I value the networking aspect and the ability to utilize the website to learn and grow and showcase myself and my company.  I don't think its asking too much to expect reasonable adults to think before they engage in a professional networking space. But it takes accountability and choosing not to engage with people who abuse the network.  Think before you post in general, but use common sense when you're on a website specifically representing you as a career person, and don't be caught out of turn.

No.

I like being someone people can count on.  At work and in my personal life, I'm always the person who says yes.  Yes to more work.  Yes to helping you move.  Yes to all of it.  It's never been about people pleasing.  It's always been about caring about being someone people can turn to for whatever they may need.  It's important my people know that I'mteam player and they're never alone.  And I like to think I do a great job of being that person.  But what I began to notice is that being the yes girl for everyone else meant saying no to me.

As I've gone on this whole journey to better myself, for myself - I've begun to practice the art of saying no.  Without explanation.  without apology.  Without guilt.  It's learning to say no, period. 

Of course it goes without saying (but I'm gonna say it), I'm still here for my people.  When they truly need me, I'm there.  But it's also equally important that I'm there for me. 

Back to me.

Saying no is about making time and having energy to do things for me.  Whether I want to get my nails done, workout, or jut plain sit on my couch - it's acknowledging I need to do something that I want to do and I need to say no to someone else to do that.  It's also about scheduling time to grow and challenge myself.  This year that means working less and traveling more.  So that's what I'm doing.

Saying no is about my mental and physical health.  At work its saying no, I don't have the capacity to add that project to my plate and no I can't stay late tonight.  It's saying no I won't travel simply because I don't have kids.  It's making time each day to decompress and reset myself to a good place. 

Saying no is about taking responsibility.  Have you ever stopped to think about why you may be exhausted or feeling overwhelmed?  Because the more I think about all the things I do, the more I realize that there's a lot I could be saying no to.  You are in control of your time.  And you're in control of how you choose to spend it. 

Saying no, without explanation, is part of growing up.  It's recognizing your time is just as important as everyone else' and its recognizing what you need to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  Think of all that you do for other people and then think about what you do for yourself.  Think about how much you value everyone else.  And give yourself that same value and respect. 

 Say no.  Get rid of the guilt, and allow yourself time to do what you need to do to have your best life.  Time is limited.  Energy is limited.  Life is limited.  Don't limit the possibilities. 

Lucky Charms

I've always been a wild card.  As I've gotten older, I haven't been tamed.  There have been many people along the way who have tried to tone me down - to make me feel badly for who I am.  And then there was my Gammie.  Gammie was the one person who never told me I was too much.  She never tried to change who I am.  Instead, my Gammie used to tell me how proud she was.  She encouraged my dreams, she had patience with my wild ways, and she always made me feel like I'm special for who I am instead of ashamed for who I am not.

My Gammie is my angel.  She's my lucky charm.  Fittingly, her birthday is also St. Patrick's Day.  She passed away in 2008 while I was holding her hand - and has not left my side since.  I have vivid dreams of her and I talk to her when I'm scared.  I ask for her support when I need faith.  In every major milestone since she left - I know she's been there.  She's left me signs, visited my dreams, and makes sure that I know she's watching me and rooting for me every single step on my path.  She's a big part of why I feel so confident in my nontraditional journey, because I'm not really ever alone.

Today is St. Patrick's Day - Gammie's birthday.  And although she's not physically here - I'll always take time to celebrate the woman that has never let me fall.  I never got the opportunity to truly express my appreciation and love for the woman who showed me strength and kindness can coexist.  She taught me a woman is whomever and whatever she wants.  She was the classiest woman I have ever known and showed me that the best revenge is to quietly be the best you can possibly be. To always give back to those in need without hesitation.  And she taught me the value of family. 

So today - a day about luck and believing in magic - I will celebrate all that my lucky charm is to me and all that she has empowered me to be. 

I hope whoever your lucky charms are, you take the time to tell them and love them and celebrate the hell out of who they are and how they make you feel.  Lucky Charms really are magic, and they're not easy to come by.  Don't ever take that for granted.

Rainbows and Unicorns

I've had a lot of people lately tell me that they've always assumed I've lived this perfect life.  A life where everything is unicorns and rainbows.  They assume I've been blessed with it all and that's why I'm such a happy person who talks about glitter and sparkles nonstop. 

And those observations have blown me away.  My life is not perfect.  I do not have it all.  My family isn't perfect.  I am not perfect.  But what I am proud of is that in spite of it all - I radiate sparkles and glitter.

I'm not generally one to talk about the hard times and the problems.  But they're there.  This last year has been the absolute most painful and challenging year of my life.  I have felt completely broken, lost, scared, and unsure of the future. 

I haven't talked about it with a lot of people.  But I'm learning to talk.  And I'm learning to ask for help.  I'm learning how to say I'm not okay.  I'm still not going to share all my trials and tribulations with the world.  My struggles and my triumphs are to be endured and celebrated with the people who mean the most to me. 

However, in an effort to be real and to be a source of relatable engagement for you, I want you to know that I have lived far from a life of unicorns and rainbows.  I have not been gifted an easy life.  And I don't ever want anyone thinking that I have.  But I also won't ever apologize for choosing to focus on the good.  When I suffer, I do so privately.  I pick and choose what I share with the world because I truly believe the biggest moments of your life aren't for the world to see.  They're for you and your chosen circle to handle together.  The good and the bad.  And then you go out into the world and you fight to make it sparkle. 

I don't want to put my negative and hard times out there not because I'm faking my happiness - because I choose to actually live happy.  To believe that in spite of hard times, life is pretty dang good.  Life isn't easy and its often painful.  You can't control what happens to you but what's the point of dwelling on the negative?  How do you expect to have a good life if you don't focus on the good? 

My life will never be rainbows and unicorns.  And I don't need to explain the things I've gone through.  It's not a contest and it doesn't make me anymore human.   I don't feel the need to justify my attitude.  What does make me human is admitting my life isn't easy.  And saying so what - life isn't meant to be easy.  If you always assumed I was this perfect human handed the golden ticket - then I'm doing something right - because the golden ticket is choosing joy, choosing sparkle, and choosing the energy you put into the world. 

#SparkleOn

The Female Form

The female body is celebrated.  It's coveted.  It's held to a higher standard.  The female form is everywhere.  On TV, in books, and all over social media. 

For women, this means as soon as we are old enough to understand - we are bombarded with media telling us our bodies are our value.  Our magazines teach us the best workouts and diets and how to use our bodies to please men.  The fashion world creates a divide between what's pretty and what's plus size or shameful.  And at the end of the day, no matter what we do or achieve, society still wants to talk about our bodies.

Lady Gaga put on one hell of a show at the Super Bowl this year.  And you know what went viral?  That she's got a belly.  Never mind that she doesn't (but who cares if she does) - the real issue is that enough idiots out there put more value on her body than her incredible talent.

Whenever a woman in Hollywood is photographed at an unflattering angle, she gets a cover wondering if she's pregnant.  There's no talk of her recent Oscar, Golden Globe, charity work, none of it.  It's about her having to defend herself because she ate some carbs that day and so she must be pregnant.  This is our news.

I ran into someone I knew in high school a month back and instead of asking me about my next adventure, my family, really anything of substance - he mentioned he saw on Facebook how much I've been working out lately and he's so happy I'm working on getting healthy and in shape.  Meanwhile - I just moved halfway across the country to start a new job and he's glad I'm working on my body.  Mind you - I'm healthy.  Am I heavier than I was at 16 years old when I was playing soccer and on two track teams?  Yea, I am. 

I've talked about my struggles before with body image.  The fact that I too placed a lot of my self worth in my body and what I looked like.  It took me years to overcome and I still have days I struggle.  That motivates me.  Seeing little girls wishing they weighed less and worrying about what they eat, that motivates me.  Hearing my beautiful friends hate nd belittle themselves for how they look, that motivates me.  It motivates me to be careful how I speak to myself, how I speak to others, and to make a conscious effort to stand up for women.

I've been a division one athlete.  I was a junior Olympian.  I've moved to two states I'd never been to before purely on faith in myself.  I'm a really loyal friend and family member.  I donate to charity.  I'm a talented writer.  I have an impressive resume.  I'm funny.  I'm a lot of things that have absolutely nothing to do with how I look.  And not looking like the ideal woman does not take away from any of those great qualities.

Women are so much more than our bodies.  And let's be honest - any body that can grow a human and then give birth to it - that is one incredible feat.  But outside of our amazing bodies, we are mothers and sisters and lovers and we are successful.  We are talented.  We have a lot of awesome things to contribute to the world.  Take the time to learn more about who we are and what we can do - because if you're one of those people who unfortunately place our bodies above all - you're missing out on a lot of awesome.  And its YOU that's the problem, not us.

Bridezilla

Somehow - in my 31 years of life, I've managed to avoid being a bridesmaid.  This could be due to my excessive work schedule and it could be a sign I'm not well liked - either way - it's worked and I appreciate whatever it is that has kept me from this awful tradition.

Well - I can now officially say - I have been a bridesmaid!  On of my core group of babes tied the knot this pat weekend and I was honored to stand by her side as she married the love of her life.  And let me tell you - I did the full bridesmaid.  The whole day of makeup and hair and photos and the dress and shoes - all of it - full commitment to the part.  I even did neutral nails.  ME, who always has full glitter or neon - did neutral nails.

And I have to say - I hope I never have to do it again. 

Jessica truly is the nicest, kindest, most low maintenance friend and bride in the history of history.  She's also stupid gorgeous, which is just rude.  My dress was ridiculously inexpensive, the entire weekend was beyond affordable, the wedding weekend was a dream. There will never be another bride in my life who is less bridezilla than Jess.

And that is why I cannot ever be in another wedding.  I love you my circle of best babes - but I fear Jessica set us all up for failure. 

Now leading up to the wedding Jess wanted a Bridezilla shirt.  She claims it was going to be fitting.  For context - the first thing I asked was what color nail polish to wear because I'm famous for neon or full glitter.  Her answer?  Wear neon!  JESSICA I CANT WEAR NEON IN PHOTOS! The worst bridezilla ever.  Shoes?  Just wear nude, or silver or whatever.  Ladies and gentlemen - the opposite of bridezilla.

Hopefully - enough people don't like me that my days as a bridesmaid are limited.  Not to mention I'm 31, and although I look 22, I may be past bridesmaid prime?  I was spoiled by this horrendously amazing bride and now I fear any other experience will be traumatic. 

Thank you my Thing 1 - for singlehandedly giving me the best bridesmaid experience ever and setting me up for future bridesmaid failures.  Thankfully, I'm not that great of a person, so the future experiences should be limited.

Tell me your best/worst/most entertaining bridezilla experiences!