You guys. I have to tell you something really shocking. I don't have the perfect body.
Ok - is everyone still with me? I know, that was a lot and most of you probably still don't believe it, but its true.
Being a woman is really hard. From the time we are old enough to understand, we are told we are too tall, too fat, our skin is too dark, we are too thin, our hair is too thin, we are too pale - honestly the list never ends. I just saw a YouTube tutorial the other day about contouring your legs. I can't even manage to make winged eyeliner work and now I have to contour my legs to keep up? No. I'm drawing the line at contouring my legs. Realistically I'm drawing the line at winged eyeliner and that's mostly because Adele hasn't put out a tutorial yet. But I'm tired. I'm tired of keeping up and tired of being told what I'm supposed to look like as a woman.
For a good many years, I struggled with body image disorder. Yes even in college when I was a division one athlete with very little body fat and one kick ass backside, I struggled with thinking I was fat. I vividly remember one of my male roommates making a joke about cellulite and not being able to think of anything else for a week. I've hated my body so much that I wouldn't be naked in front of a mirror. I've skipped going out because I felt so unattractive I didn't want to be in public.
So what changed? Why am I more confident at 30 - in a body with imperfections - than I was as a 20 year old? To be completely honest, I changed. I stopped accepting the idea of perfect and I stopped worrying about how to look like the ideal woman. The flaws? They're proof I've lived a full and happy life. I don't worry about indulging too much one week because I'm on vacation. I don't beat myself up over missed workouts. I listen to what my body needs, I do what my body loves, and I praise my body for getting through a long list of ailments.
There's always going to be a lot of opinions about what makes a woman attractive physically. And its always changing. And if you spend time talking to any woman you will hear a laundry list of things she wishes were different about her body. Its a cycle. Even the most positive strong female influences around fall victim to body shaming themselves or someone else. How do we fix it?
We start by being body positive. We embrace differences and flaws and we stop hating our bodies. We stop judging other women. And we stop supporting the companies and magazines who focus on looks. And we hold men accountable for the same standards. It starts with valuing yourself and empowering yourself and by doing that you refuse to let others tell you that your body and your beauty define you.
The thing that bothers me the most about body image today is that women are taught this is our biggest value. You don't hear women talked about as scientists, authors, doctors, activists - you hear about what we wore, how much weight we lost - and that's what our daughters see. Women are truly the fiercest creatures on the planet. We give birth, we provide for our families, we work, we love and we truly do it all. Own that. Own how powerful and beautiful that is.
It took me years to love my entire package. Body, beauty, and brains - and I'll be damned if anyone can take that confidence from me. I may not be the ideal image this world deems is what we should strive for - and that's good - because I wasn't made to fit any one mold anyway. And now that I love everything I am - I'm told as a woman that makes me cocky. If I respond to a compliment with a thank you, if I post a selfie because I like the way I look - I'm shallow and arrogant. And I think that is your problem. I think I'm attractive inside and out and I won't qualify that to make someone else more comfortable. I'm not here for your comfort. Whether or not someone thinks I'm attractive, or arrogant has very little to do with me and everything to do with their own insecurities.
I challenge all women to love yourself more. Celebrate what you love about you. And stop buying into a culture that forces women to compete against each other. Tell the wonderful women in your life how special they are. How beautiful they are both inside and out. And stop the body bashing. Stop the qualifying comments. Tell each other we are strong, we are beautiful souls and we are more than what we look like. Raise daughters who crave learning and adventuring more than they care about what they weigh. Be part of changing the culture of conforming. It's 2016 and we run this thing.
