Perfection is a Myth

I only have memories of feeling like I needed to be perfect.

Maybe it’s from being an athlete since birth, where your worth is constantly measured by clear wins, losses, and a metric you are expected to beat. Or maybe it’s just the baseline tax of being a woman in a society that places entirely unrealistic, contradictory expectations on us at every single turn.

Whatever the root cause, for as long as I can remember, my entire life has been weighed down by a heavy, quiet sense of shame for simply not being perfect.

And let’s be honest: not only is carrying that expectation absolutely exhausting, it’s completely unrealistic.

In fact, the older I get, the more I realize that perfection is actually incredibly boring. Perfection doesn’t innovate. It doesn’t laugh at itself. I’d dare to say that not being perfect is a hell of a lot more interesting—and ultimately, a hell of a lot more successful.

As I’m getting older, I’m working really hard on shifting the goalposts. I am focusing less on perfection and much more on the actual experience. I am learning how to be messier, without offering a defensive apology for just being human.

I don’t aim to be the best at everything anymore. Instead, I aim to learn, to grow, and to actually have some fun along the way.

But look—while that is a beautiful sentiment to type out on a screen, I can openly admit that unlearning a lifetime of hyper vigilance is still a daily, tough battle. The programming runs incredibly deep. I am still my own harshest critic—and not in a casual, "LOL" kind of way, but in a serious, "thank God she’s in therapy" kind of way.

It takes constant, conscious effort to stop my brain from defaulting to hyper control when things get outside of my neatly organized comfort zone.

If I could pass on a single piece of hard won wisdom to anyone reading this who recognizes themselves in my words, it’s this: Learn to drop the weight sooner.

Don't wait until a crisis, a burnout, or a major life shift forces your hand. Do it now.

We waste years keeping our guards up, terrified that if people see our rough edges, our mistakes, or the moments we don't have it all together, we will somehow be "less than." We look at curated highlight reels and assume everyone else has cracked the code to a spotless life. It’s a collective lie we all participate in, and it's stealing our joy.

The most incredible, fulfilling parts of life—the real successes, the deep connections, the genuine fun—are not built on a flawless track record. They are built in the messy middle by people who are brave enough to drop their armor, get out of their own way, and choose growth over control.

Be kind to yourself. Hold yourself to high standards, absolutely, but stop letting your own demand for perfection block you from the beautiful, gritty, interesting reality of the life you're actually living right now. Learn it sooner than I did: you don't have to be perfect to be extraordinary.

Red Flags, A Tribute to Corporate Life

If you’ve been on this blog journey with me the last five years, you are well aware I’ve worked everywhere. I’ve moved about 5 times in 8 years and held as many jobs. I like to think I’m a bit of a connoisseur when it comes to knowing the red flags of corporate life. And whether you’re starting out or looking for your mid level dream job, knowing the red flags can save you a whole lot of time and energy.

I’m not going to name names here, but I’ve worked at some of the most desirable companies in the world and the most recognizable brands. From professional sports to tech, I’ve been around the corporate block. So when I say I’ve gotten to know the good bad and ugly, I’m a bit knowledgeable in that claim.

Now one thing I want to stress is there is a difference between normal shit that comes with the job and a truly toxic work environment. If you’re an entry level employee and you’re being asked to do grunt work, that’s not necessarily an issue. That’s part of being entry level. Know your experience level and know what the difference is between having to make copies and being verbally abused.

Second, I was willing to put up with a lot more earlier on in my career. I wanted to get the experience, the big names on my resume and make the contacts in those companies. So I put up with some questionable shit. I actually don’t agree with this strategy in general. But I definitely made a stink sometimes when I shouldn’t have. That comes with maturity, that I didn’t have at the time.

When you’re job hunting, do the research. That’s my number one tip in avoiding red flags. Research the company on Glassdoor (take the reviews with a grain of salt), ask people in your network who work/have worked there, and ask the right questions in interviews. This is the most key way to ensure you can be as informed as possible when deciding on taking a job.

Let’s backup a little bit. When you’re applying for a job, the job description can tell you a lot about a role and a company. I know, sometimes we are in positions where we have to take jobs as temporary ways to live and pay bills. I’ve been there, this isn’t what this blog is about. This is for when you’re looking for the right fit.

When you’re looking at a job description, here are a few words and phrases that are immediate red flags:

• “thrive in ambiguity…” (We want you to be able to do whatever we decide, even if that means we might change your entire job duties on the fly…)

• Super vague job descriptions (If you can’t tell what the general roles & responsibilities are, move on)

• Outlandish salary ranges (If a job says something like $50,000-$250,000, that’s a MLM, run)

• “able to work independently immediately…adapt quickly…etc” (RUN. This is absolute chaos and usually a sign of a company that doesn’t have its shit together.)

• One sided job descriptions don’t list perks & ways in which the company can help YOU. And that means they don’t care about you or your future. You’re there to serve them.

• A job description that values years of experience over actual skills generally means the company has not the slightest clue what they’re doing or looking for.

Now when you’re interviewing, ask the right questions. Don’t coast on this part. You need to get to know the real culture, benefits, and what your future could look like in this role with this company. Ask to speak to members of the team. Ask if this role is a back-fill, new, etc. Ask about what a real day or week looks like to understand how much you’ll be working. ASK what the salary range is for the role.

Red flags in the interview process:

• If one of the first things they bring up is ambiguous hours, know this means there’s probably a culture of working 24/7. The interviewer is looking to see if you’re willing to do anything it takes to get the job done. Be prepared to burnout quickly

• Ask about the opportunity for advancement. If an interviewer is unable to clearly lay out options for promotion, raises, tracks to advance, etc, they aren’t offered.

• When you’re asking about the role being a new position or a back fill, if the manager mentions there’s a lot of turnover, there’s a reason why. And unless it’s an entry level role people are growing out of, that’s a huge red flag. It generally means people aren’t staying at the company long.

• If there’s no clear company mission, or the interviewer can’t speak to the company values, they don’t have any. And a company without a clear vision is a mess.

• If the HR team or whomever you’re communicating with is hard to get a hold of or doesn’t follow up when they say they will, that’s not a good sign and probably means that’s how they are to wok with in general. First impressions matter.

• If a company tries to ask you to take less money than your value, end the process. Know your worth and don’t settle. A company unwilling to pay you what you are worth is never going to take care of you.

Obviously there’s about 6,000 other red flags, but these are some that I’ve unfortunately seen quite often in my career. At the end of the day, follow your gut. Google the company, see what the news is saying about them. Figure out what they believe politically. Where do they donate and give back? Do the research. And trust your instincts.

And remember, just because you’re in a bad situation doesn’t mean you can’t get out of it. There are always options and ways to improve next time. We’ve all been tricked before and it will probably happen again. Learn, grow, and do better next time. You got this.

That was fast

I’ve always read those “life comes at you fast” and “things change quickly” life sayings and thought to myself; what a pile of shit. I spent a lot of years struggling financially and working in jobs that made me miserable. None of that changed fast for me.

And yet here I am at 35, looking around, and things have changed. I’m not struggling financially. I love my job. Overall, things seem pretty damn good.

I don’t think that’s by chance.

It’s by design (and of course some luck and born privilege).

I’ve put in the time, effort, and been an all around decent human being for quite some time now. My current situation is a result of that.

Sure, life can change in an instant. But it is far more likely that life is a result of a million things over time.

It’s the work you put in, the way you treat others, and often the circumstances you were born into and the privileges you hold in the world.

Yet I encourage you to continue to believe.

To know that eventually, things can be ok. They have the potential to change.

In a time when I know a lot of people are struggling, I encourage you to stay as eyes on the prize as possible. And if you’re going through a good time right now like I am, I encourage you to help those who are not.