As if Women don't Deal with Enough

Y’all, I have spent my entire life unbothered.

Unhinged? Absolutely. But unbothered. For decades, I possessed the elite ability to coast along in one steady emotion, one predictable mood, completely and beautifully unconcerned about pretty much anything. I had my lane, I stayed in it, and life was extra but always a good vibe.

And then I turned 40.

For the last year, I’ve basically just laughed at the word perimenopause. Honestly, it felt fake. It also felt incredibly rude. You are telling me that after surviving decades of monthly periods and managing birth control my entire adult life, I now have to transition into a pre-menopause holding pen just to prepare my body for the actual menopause? Who authorized this blueprint? It feels like getting a pre-bill for a bill you already paid.

Thankfully, I haven’t had a lot of the standard physical symptoms people warn you about. No sudden internal combustion or middle-of-the-night sweat sessions. But the emotional side?

Go ahead and check every single box on the list.

• Annoyed? Permanently.

• Irritated? By breathing, mostly. And any time my husband doesn’t immediately tell me I’m perfect and gorgeous.

• Forgetful? I can’t remember what I came into this room for, but I’m mad about it.

• Crying? At least once every other month, usually at a minor inconvenience.

• Tired? Deeply, in my soul. All the time.

My lifelong streak of being completely unflappable has officially been hijacked by my hormones. If you’re currently sitting in this same boat, wondering where your inner zen went and why everything is suddenly a little bit irritating welcome to the club. Where do we resign membership?

Guts.

My whole life my mom has told me to trust my gut.  For any situation, any experience, any major decision, listen to your gut feeling.

I'm an extremely logical organized individual.  When it comes to feelings, I'm pretty horrible at making decisions.  Because I don't often take the time to figure out how I'm truly feeling - I don't often know what I'm feeling or what my gut says in any situation.  I try to make logic of everything, gather information and to make an informed decision. 

The problem with that is feelings aren't logical.  They often don't make sense.  And when you're not emotionally informed and in tune with yourself - it's near impossible to be able to decipher their meaning.

When I accepted the last job I took, I felt a little off about it.  I don't know why but something told me that I shouldn't take it.  But on paper it was perfect.  It was a step up in title, in salary and would look incredible on my resume.  Within a few weeks of starting that job - I found out I was right, it wasn't the right fit. 

Shortly after moving to Los Angeles, I entered a new relationship.  Again, my gut told me it wasn't going to work.  He's a perfectly good person but the timing, and the mutual effort just wasn't there. But I jumped all in even though I had big hesitations.  It lasted a few months before ending. 

Recently, I've been working on feelings.  I'm trying to actually feel them, communicate them and understand what they mean.  And I've noticed the more I build my emotional intelligence - the better decisions I've been making as a whole. 

It's not easy and I still have to learn to entirely trust my gut, but I'm giving more weight to the gut feelings instead of solely relying on facts.  It's completely foreign to me and terrifying to make important decisions on faith, but its also critical to my growth and my happiness. 

As I'm embarking on my next journey, I'm taking a huge leap of faith and basing my decisions on my gut feeling.  And I've got to say - it's really empowering.  I highly encourage everyone to step outside of their comfort zone and to listen to your gut.  The mind is so very strong, but there's nothing like that feeling you get, that you can't explain, that knew all along what to do.