Book Club, Episode 6,832

Y’all it has been a minute since we’ve had us a little book club. Have no fear, I have not stopped reading. In fact, I’m still getting through at least a book a week. I’m also about to go on my first solo international vacation and you bet I plan to be beach side with a book. So let’s talk my favorite reads or what I’m excited about reading in the near future!

---

Fun Beach Reads

Guncle

Patrick, or Gay Uncle Patrick (GUP, for short), has always loved his niece, Maisie, and nephew, Grant. That is, he loves spending time with them when they come out to Palm Springs for weeklong visits, or when he heads home to Connecticut for the holidays. But in terms of caretaking and relating to two children, no matter how adorable, Patrick is, honestly, overwhelmed.

So when tragedy strikes and Maisie and Grant lose their mother and Patrick's brother has a health crisis of his own, Patrick finds himself suddenly taking on the role of primary guardian. Despite having a set of "Guncle Rules" ready to go, Patrick has no idea what to expect, having spent years barely holding on after the loss of his great love, a somewhat-stalled acting career, and a lifestyle not-so-suited to a six- and a nine-year-old. Quickly realizing that parenting--even if temporary--isn't solved with treats and jokes, Patrick's eyes are opened to a new sense of responsibility, and the realization that, sometimes, even being larger than life means you're unfailingly human.

With the humor and heart we've come to expect from bestselling author Steven Rowley, The Guncle is a moving tribute to the power of love, patience, and family in even the most trying of times

Malibu Rising

Malibu: August 1983. It’s the day of Nina Riva’s annual end-of-summer party, and anticipation is at a fever pitch. Everyone wants to be around the famous Rivas: Nina, the talented surfer and supermodel; brothers Jay and Hud, one a championship surfer, the other a renowned photographer; and their adored baby sister, Kit. Together the siblings are a source of fascination in Malibu and the world over—especially as the offspring of the legendary singer Mick Riva.

The only person not looking forward to the party of the year is Nina herself, who never wanted to be the center of attention, and who has also just been very publicly abandoned by her pro tennis player husband. Oh, and maybe Hud—because it is long past time for him to confess something to the brother from whom he’s been inseparable since birth.

Jay, on the other hand, is counting the minutes until nightfall, when the girl he can’t stop thinking about promised she’ll be there.

And Kit has a couple secrets of her own—including a guest she invited without consulting anyone.

By midnight the party will be completely out of control. By morning, the Riva mansion will have gone up in flames. But before that first spark in the early hours before dawn, the alcohol will flow, the music will play, and the loves and secrets that shaped this family’s generations will all come rising to the surface.

Malibu Rising is a story about one unforgettable night in the life of a family: the night they each have to choose what they will keep from the people who made them . . . and what they will leave behind.

Exciting Mysteries

Eight Perfect Murders

Years ago, bookseller and mystery aficionado Malcolm Kershaw compiled a list of the genre’s most unsolvable murders, those that are almost impossible to crack—which he titled “Eight Perfect Murders”—chosen from among the best of the best including Agatha Christie’s A. B. C. Murders, Patricia Highsmith’s Strangers on a Train, Ira Levin’s Deathtrap, A. A. Milne's The Red House Mystery, Anthony Berkeley Cox's Malice Aforethought, James M. Cain's Double Indemnity, John D. MacDonald's The Drowner, and Donna Tartt's The Secret History.

But no one is more surprised than Mal, now the owner of the Old Devils Bookstore in Boston, when an FBI agent comes knocking on his door one snowy day in February. She’s looking for information about a series of unsolved murders that look eerily similar to the killings on Mal’s old list. And the FBI agent isn’t the only one interested in this bookseller who spends almost every night at home reading. The killer is out there, watching his every move—a diabolical threat who knows way too much about Mal’s personal history, especially the secrets he’s never told anyone, even his recently deceased wife.

To protect himself, Mal begins looking into possible suspects . . . and sees a killer in everyone around him. But Mal doesn’t count on the investigation leaving a trail of death in its wake. Suddenly, a series of shocking twists leaves more victims dead—and the noose around Mal’s neck grows so tight he might never escape.

Finlay Donovan is Killing It

Finlay Donovan is killing it . . . except, she’s really not. She’s a stressed-out single-mom of two and struggling novelist, Finlay’s life is in chaos: the new book she promised her literary agent isn’t written, her ex-husband fired the nanny without telling her, and this morning she had to send her four-year-old to school with hair duct-taped to her head after an incident with scissors.

When Finlay is overheard discussing the plot of her new suspense novel with her agent over lunch, she’s mistaken for a contract killer, and inadvertently accepts an offer to dispose of a problem husband in order to make ends meet . . . Soon, Finlay discovers that crime in real life is a lot more difficult than its fictional counterpart, as she becomes tangled in a real-life murder investigation.

Fast-paced, deliciously witty, and wholeheartedly authentic in depicting the frustrations and triumphs of motherhood in all its messiness, hilarity, and heartfelt moment, Finlay Donovan Is Killing It is the first in a brilliant new series from YA Edgar Award nominee Elle Cosimano.

Jackpot (Part of the Stone Barrington/Teddy Fay series)

When Peter Barrington and Ben Bachetti come under threat while working at a film festival abroad, Teddy Fay is lured to the glittering city of Macau to resolve the problem. He'll soon come to find that world of posh casinos, luxurious developments, and boundless wealth has a dark underbelly of crime and political intrigue . . . and that the biggest players behind the scenes may be far closer to home than anticipated. With international deals and private vendettas at stake, the villains behind the plot aren't about to let Teddy stand in their way. What they don't know is that this seemingly harmless film producer has more than a few tricks up his sleeve.

Always Learning

Let the Record Show

The first time I heard about ACT UP — the organization that formed to demand that the political establishment and scientific community take action on AIDS — was nine years after it was founded, when activist David Reid poured the ashes of a friend who’d died of the disease onto the White House lawn in 1996. “If you won’t come to the funeral,” he said, “we’ll bring the funeral to you.” The act was shocking to my 12-year-old self, but it’s not nearly as shocking as the history of neglect, contempt, and disgust for the gay community that thinker, archivist, and ACT UP activist Sarah Schulman writes about in Let the Record Show, a necessarily expansive and bombastic corrective of modern history. Using years of interviews and her own vast inside knowledge (the Times’ Parul Sehgal called Schulman “a living archive”), Schulman charts ACT UP’s highly effective barricade-storming tactics, eventual sway over drug companies, and early ’90s fracture. Let the Record Show is as righteous and revelatory as its subject matter.

Hola Papi

From popular LGBTQ advice columnist and writer John Paul Brammer comes a hilarious, heartwarming memoir-in-essays chronicling his journey growing up as a queer, mixed-race kid in America’s heartland to becoming the “Chicano Carrie Bradshaw” of his generation.The first time someone called John Paul (JP) Brammer “Papi” was on the popular gay hookup app Grindr. At first, it was flattering; JP took this as white-guy speak for “hey, handsome.” Who doesn’t want to be called handsome? But then it happened again and again…and again, leaving JP wondering: Who the hell is Papi?

What started as a racialized moniker given to him on a hookup app soon became the inspiration for his now wildly popular advice column “¡Hola Papi!”, launching his career as the Cheryl Strayed for young queer people everywhere—and some straight people too. JP had his doubts at first—what advice could he really offer while he himself stumbled through his early 20s? Sometimes the best advice to dole outcomes from looking within, which is what JP has done in his column and book—and readers have flocked to him for honest, heartfelt wisdom, and of course a few laughs. In ¡Hola Papi!, JP shares his story of growing up biracial and in the closet against the backdrop of America’s heartland, while attempting to answer some of life’s toughest questions: How do I let go of the past? How do I become the person I want to be? Is there such a thing as being too gay? Should I hook up with my grade school bully now that he’s out of the closet? Questions we’ve all asked ourselves, surely. With wit and wisdom in equal measure, ¡Hola Papi! is for anyone—gay, straight, and everything in between—who has ever taken stock of their unique place in the world, offering considered advice, intelligent discourse, and fits of laughter along the way. As #1 New York Times bestselling author Shea Serrano says: “I loved ¡Hola Papi! I’m certain you will too.

Four Hundred Souls

A chorus of extraordinary voices comes together to tell one of history’s great epics: the four-hundred-year journey of African Americans from 1619 to the present—edited by Ibram X. Kendi, author of How to Be an Antiracist, and Keisha N. Blain, author of Set the World on Fire.The story begins in 1619—a year before the Mayflower—when the White Lion disgorges “some 20-and-odd Negroes” onto the shores of Virginia, inaugurating the African presence in what would become the United States.

It takes us to the present, when African Americans, descendants of those on the White Lion and a thousand other routes to this country, continue a journey defined by inhuman oppression, visionary struggles, stunning achievements, and millions of ordinary lives passing through extraordinary history. Four Hundred Souls is a unique one-volume “community” history of African Americans. The editors, Ibram X. Kendi and Keisha N. Blain, have assembled ninety brilliant writers, each of whom takes on a five-year period of that four-hundred-year span. The writers explore their periods through a variety of techniques: historical essays, short stories, personal vignettes, and fiery polemics. They approach history from various perspectives: through the eyes of towering historical icons or the untold stories of ordinary people; through places, laws, and objects. While themes of resistance and struggle, of hope and reinvention, course through the book, this collection of diverse pieces from ninety different minds, reflecting ninety different perspectives, fundamentally deconstructs the idea that Africans in America are a monolith—instead it unlocks the startling range of experiences and ideas that have always existed within the community of Blackness. This is a history that illuminates our past and gives us new ways of thinking about our future, written by the most vital and essential voices of our present

What are you reading in 2021? Let me know!

Solo Adventures

I’ve always wanted to travel abroad alone and never actually done it. It was always significantly cheaper and easier to travel with someone else, so that’s what I’ve done.

But now - in a short week - I’m heading off on a beach retreat all by myself. And I’m beyond excited for the adventure.

Traveling alone as a woman is tricky. It’s being extra mindful of safety and doing the research to make sure wherever we go, we are super aware. I can’t just show up in a country with no advance planning.

I’ve always been someone who plans ahead and is very good at finding my own way. I think because I traveled a lot on my own for work I got really used to having to figure out everything. When we travel abroad, I’m the one you can count on to know where to go, what areas to avoid, where to eat, where to closest embassy is — I am always prepared.

So traveling abroad is really just another normal trip for me. Nevertheless, I am excited to take this next step. It builds my confidence to know that I can do hard things. That I can find my own way.

Ultimately it makes me a better me and makes my life more fulfilling.

The more you do things on your own, the more you truly grow and become your best you. My best advice to women in 2021 is to be your own lifeline. Have strong connections to the people that make you happy, but build skills so at the end of the day — you truly know you are connected to people because you want to be, not because you need to be. It makes you a better friend, partner, employee — it makes you better in every single aspect of life.

It’s ok to rely on others. It’s ok to ask for help. It’s ok to pay someone to do the jobs you don’t want to do. But at the end of the day, be confident that you don’t have to do those things, you’re choosing to.

Self reliance is the best thing I ever did for myself. It’s molded me into one confident and badass woman. And every step I can take to grow that feeling, you bet I’ll be doing it.

Bon Voyage Sequins!

Change Up

The generation of working somewhere for 30 years and retire is gone. Millenials and the tech industry changed the game for how we work. There’s no longer this expectation of committing your life to a company that isn’t committed to you.

Because of that, I’m here to tell you — have the courage to start over.

If you’re unhappy where you are, leave. If you have been in one industry your entire life and it’s not making you happy, switch industries. Are you 40 and just figured out you’re super passionate about writing but you work in sales? Start writing.

I used to question the way in which I’ve left companies for the next opportunity. I’ve been accused of chasing something that doesn’t exist. The thing is, I seem to be doing quite well. I’m also good at what I do and bring a lot to the table. Sure, everyone is replaceable at some point, but I’m hard to replace.

And I’ve had some incredible jobs working for dream companies. I’ve had once in a life time experiences all because I ignored what people told me and did what was best for me — what made me happy.

That is finally what I listen to. And that is the only voice I listen to.

Believe me, I’ve had the other voices. I’ve been told I’m ruining my career. I’ve been told I’ll never get hired with how often I’ve changed jobs. I’ve heard it all. And you know what? None of it came true. Because I know who I am and what I bring to the table. I know that I can do anything and I’ve got the work ethic to back it up.

Life is short. We spend a lot of time at work. If you are unhappy, move on. Make a change. Be strategic, but make moves. If you are unhappy, it’s of your own doing. Bet on yourself. Put the work in for yourself. Invest in yourself.

SURE - there are circumstances. Often times you have to take a shitty job to get to the better job. I get it, it’s easier said than done. But doing nothing, that leads to nothing. Take steps, even small steps. Make a plan and go do it. If you fall, dust yourself off and pivot again.

Most of all, have the courage to hit them with a change up. It’s your life and you have to live those 24 hours each day. What life are you going to lead? Where are you going to go?

Red Flags, A Tribute to Corporate Life

If you’ve been on this blog journey with me the last five years, you are well aware I’ve worked everywhere. I’ve moved about 5 times in 8 years and held as many jobs. I like to think I’m a bit of a connoisseur when it comes to knowing the red flags of corporate life. And whether you’re starting out or looking for your mid level dream job, knowing the red flags can save you a whole lot of time and energy.

I’m not going to name names here, but I’ve worked at some of the most desirable companies in the world and the most recognizable brands. From professional sports to tech, I’ve been around the corporate block. So when I say I’ve gotten to know the good bad and ugly, I’m a bit knowledgeable in that claim.

Now one thing I want to stress is there is a difference between normal shit that comes with the job and a truly toxic work environment. If you’re an entry level employee and you’re being asked to do grunt work, that’s not necessarily an issue. That’s part of being entry level. Know your experience level and know what the difference is between having to make copies and being verbally abused.

Second, I was willing to put up with a lot more earlier on in my career. I wanted to get the experience, the big names on my resume and make the contacts in those companies. So I put up with some questionable shit. I actually don’t agree with this strategy in general. But I definitely made a stink sometimes when I shouldn’t have. That comes with maturity, that I didn’t have at the time.

When you’re job hunting, do the research. That’s my number one tip in avoiding red flags. Research the company on Glassdoor (take the reviews with a grain of salt), ask people in your network who work/have worked there, and ask the right questions in interviews. This is the most key way to ensure you can be as informed as possible when deciding on taking a job.

Let’s backup a little bit. When you’re applying for a job, the job description can tell you a lot about a role and a company. I know, sometimes we are in positions where we have to take jobs as temporary ways to live and pay bills. I’ve been there, this isn’t what this blog is about. This is for when you’re looking for the right fit.

When you’re looking at a job description, here are a few words and phrases that are immediate red flags:

• “thrive in ambiguity…” (We want you to be able to do whatever we decide, even if that means we might change your entire job duties on the fly…)

• Super vague job descriptions (If you can’t tell what the general roles & responsibilities are, move on)

• Outlandish salary ranges (If a job says something like $50,000-$250,000, that’s a MLM, run)

• “able to work independently immediately…adapt quickly…etc” (RUN. This is absolute chaos and usually a sign of a company that doesn’t have its shit together.)

• One sided job descriptions don’t list perks & ways in which the company can help YOU. And that means they don’t care about you or your future. You’re there to serve them.

• A job description that values years of experience over actual skills generally means the company has not the slightest clue what they’re doing or looking for.

Now when you’re interviewing, ask the right questions. Don’t coast on this part. You need to get to know the real culture, benefits, and what your future could look like in this role with this company. Ask to speak to members of the team. Ask if this role is a back-fill, new, etc. Ask about what a real day or week looks like to understand how much you’ll be working. ASK what the salary range is for the role.

Red flags in the interview process:

• If one of the first things they bring up is ambiguous hours, know this means there’s probably a culture of working 24/7. The interviewer is looking to see if you’re willing to do anything it takes to get the job done. Be prepared to burnout quickly

• Ask about the opportunity for advancement. If an interviewer is unable to clearly lay out options for promotion, raises, tracks to advance, etc, they aren’t offered.

• When you’re asking about the role being a new position or a back fill, if the manager mentions there’s a lot of turnover, there’s a reason why. And unless it’s an entry level role people are growing out of, that’s a huge red flag. It generally means people aren’t staying at the company long.

• If there’s no clear company mission, or the interviewer can’t speak to the company values, they don’t have any. And a company without a clear vision is a mess.

• If the HR team or whomever you’re communicating with is hard to get a hold of or doesn’t follow up when they say they will, that’s not a good sign and probably means that’s how they are to wok with in general. First impressions matter.

• If a company tries to ask you to take less money than your value, end the process. Know your worth and don’t settle. A company unwilling to pay you what you are worth is never going to take care of you.

Obviously there’s about 6,000 other red flags, but these are some that I’ve unfortunately seen quite often in my career. At the end of the day, follow your gut. Google the company, see what the news is saying about them. Figure out what they believe politically. Where do they donate and give back? Do the research. And trust your instincts.

And remember, just because you’re in a bad situation doesn’t mean you can’t get out of it. There are always options and ways to improve next time. We’ve all been tricked before and it will probably happen again. Learn, grow, and do better next time. You got this.

Off the Sauce

Apparently I am an extremely irresponsible adult. The medication I’ve been taking…for a year…does not allow me to have any alcohol. And we aren’t talking that “hey, we don’t recommend drinking” warning, we are talking “no seriously, it’s really bad.”

Yea. I guess it intensifies the drunk and causes the violent illness I get the next day from hangovers. Which explains a lot tbh. But also, ASHLEY!

So here we are. I’m going off the sauce.

Eventually I’ll change medications so I can enjoy a beverage or two, but right now, I really enjoy the medication and the effect it has had on my mental health. Anyone who has gone on anxiety medication knows it can be really hard to find the right fit. So for me, it’s worth sticking with what works for my mental health and giving up alcohol. For now.

In 2021 I’ve not been drinking much anyways. And in 2020, I can count on one hand the amount of times I had alcohol. It’s not a huge lifestyle change for me given my recent trends. But it is weird. Alcohol is such a social thing. It’s a big part of all the things I love. Sports, eating out, wine tasting, etc. etc.

I’m looking forward to exploring more of what the world looks like without it for a bit and how social situations and friendships will evolve.

I know there are a lot of sober people out there, especially as we get older — but I do think it’s still a little taboo to be the person who is sober by choice. I’ll be sure to report back as I navigate this gorgeous new world. If anything, it’s got to be great for my skin?

Cheers — er — high five? To a brief misadventure of the mocktail season!

My Anxiety

I always see those lists that say “things people with anxiety do.” They’re so relatable. There’s a lot of things on those that I’m like YES! It’s so important to normalize things that we experience within our mental illness by sharing what we experience.

The most common thing I experience with my anxiety is overthinking. And not just briefly, it’s an all day, cannot turn my brain off shit show. It’s a constant worry, constant moving wheel of over-analyzing, and the inability to relax. My brain is never chilling. It is constantly moving and looking to what we need to be doing/thinking/saying next.

I’m also consistently tense. My therapist has correlated this with my PTSD but I am constantly on edge. When it comes to flight or fight my body is consistently ready to fight. And we aren’t talking “well that’s just being aware and prepared” we are talking I always know where the exits are, I’ve taken note of who’s around and could be a threat, and I’ve got six strategies for protecting myself if I need to. Everywhere. All the time. Test me the next time you see me, without fail I am hyper aware and hyper prepared for anything.

I am always ok. Truly. I struggle like the rest of you, but I will always be ok. I have learned to survive, protect myself, and to always be ok. My anxiety doesn’t let me break down. I have trouble crying. I can’t express my feelings very well. It makes me come off as cold at times and distant at others. People have told me they know me but they don’t feel they know me. That I am always there for others but never seem to need anyone myself.

I overachieve the overachievers. You think you know people who work hard and get shit done? You haven’t met me. I get more work done in a day than most do in a week. And that’s not a brag. It’s a constant need to be the best, do the most and a sense of identity from the things I do.

I’m a control freak. I like schedules, plans, and being 432 steps ahead of the game. I feel it protects me from the what if’s if I can be prepared. I do research like you wouldn’t believe before I go anywhere. Anytime I’m traveling somewhere I am already familiar with that city. I know where it’s safe to go alone, where the best spots to eat are and how to travel as a single woman. I keep emergency supplies in my car like food, water, and a first aid kit. It is not unheard of for me to create minute by minute agendas for myself to manage an anxious day. Oh, not an anxious workday, I’m talking I’ll plan a weekend minute by minute.

Ok, that’s a lot. Like a lot lot. A lot of vulnerability.

There are a lot of other things that are unique to my anxiety and PTSD, but I hope this glimpse into pieces of them are helpful for you. I hope they’re relatable. I hope that you might be a little encouraged. And that you might share your own mental illness quirks with others.

That was fast

I’ve always read those “life comes at you fast” and “things change quickly” life sayings and thought to myself; what a pile of shit. I spent a lot of years struggling financially and working in jobs that made me miserable. None of that changed fast for me.

And yet here I am at 35, looking around, and things have changed. I’m not struggling financially. I love my job. Overall, things seem pretty damn good.

I don’t think that’s by chance.

It’s by design (and of course some luck and born privilege).

I’ve put in the time, effort, and been an all around decent human being for quite some time now. My current situation is a result of that.

Sure, life can change in an instant. But it is far more likely that life is a result of a million things over time.

It’s the work you put in, the way you treat others, and often the circumstances you were born into and the privileges you hold in the world.

Yet I encourage you to continue to believe.

To know that eventually, things can be ok. They have the potential to change.

In a time when I know a lot of people are struggling, I encourage you to stay as eyes on the prize as possible. And if you’re going through a good time right now like I am, I encourage you to help those who are not.

Mistakes

Did you huys know that people make mistakes and thats just….ok? Nobody shared this with me! My entire life I have been under the impression that mistkaes are unacceptable.

I get it, I’m too hard on myself. But I genuinely thought that if you make a mistake, specifically at work, you get scolded and you are shamed and life is over.

I’m now in an environment where they not only give grace for mistakes, they expect that you’re bound to make them.

I’m sorry, what is this world?

I made a mistake in a big event that I had planned. And I was so hard on myself. Shaming myself for days on end and apologizing over and over again to literally everyone. I would not, could not stop cutting myself down about it.

And you know what? Every single person at this company said to me — thats is? THat’s the bigest mistake you made for this? AND you fixed it immediately? You’re good.

YOURE GOOD? Where are thre scoldings? Who is going to throw apples at me in the town square? I’m just …given grace and acceptance and support? HOW DARE YOU.

Her’es the thing — I genuinely understand when others make mistakes. But I rarely make them at work. I am so on it that I am often doing my job, your job and her job and I’m doing it all well.

And yea, sometimes I make a mistake — but it is rare. And when I do I am shaming myself for weeks on end.

Apparently expecting perfection isn’t reality.

Having my team, my manager, and others give me grace has been eye opening. It’s allowed me to give myself grace. I still have incredibly high expectations for myself and others, but I am also realizing that I am human. And the constant pressure I have put on myself for years is not sustainable.

I guess what I’m saying is maybe a mistake or two isn’t the end of the world or my career.

No Excuses

Part of my constant journey to become an ally means thinking critically about my current habits and words. What am I saying to others? What am I consuming? How am I presenting myself in the world?

A space I recently have found as an area I needed to grow was how I excuse people simply because they’re “old” or “that’s how they grew up.”

I’ve absolutely made concessions for old white people who are absolutely racist. They’re just old. That’s the time they were raised in. Or I think about where people are from and how they grew up and excuse their beliefs because they don’t know any better.

THat’s wrong. That’s not antiracist. And that is not being an ally.

Times have changed. Thwe information is out there. And critical thinking is a life skill.

Racism is wrong. Full stop.

I don’t care if you’re 5 or 95, you owe it to the world to be better. I don’t care if you grew up in New York City or the middle of nowhere Arkansas, you have the ability to be better.

I’m no longer accepting any excuse for being racist, speaking about others with hate or acting in a way that is racist. I’m not.

I’m calling it out, I’m correcting the behavior, I’m educating that person on how they are wrong and can be better.

Unless you’re being actively antiracist, you’re racist.

Period.

I know it can be uncomfortable because a lot of the folks I’ve excused in the past are family or friends, but that’s not acceptable. Sitting in my comfort is not acceptable. If I’m not speaking up, I am part of the problem.

Am I saying you need to have arguments with people everyday? No. But you do need to find a way to say “Hey Grandma, that’s actually not true and it’s harmful and racist and here’s why.”

Sitting in my comfort, excusing racism for age or background, that’s White Privelege at work. And it’s me resting in that space because I can.

And it’s wrong.

There are no excuses for racism. None. So in my journey to be an ally (and it is always a journey), I am stepping up to be better. No excuses about it.

You’re part of the problem, or you’re part of the solution. What side are you on?

Unapolagetic

Oh she’s unapolagetic again is she? She is. But this time, it’s about mental health. As I mentioned last week, I’ve been going through it. And I’m not quite sure how to come out of it. So I’ve started being honest.

I think I talk a lot about it, but I don’t always follow through. Lately, I have been openly following through like never before.

Say something that is not cool? I’ll say so. Asking for my time and I don’t have it? I’m saying no.

I grew up (like a lot of women) wanting to people please and keep the peace. But I’m dealing with my own special mess of stress & anxiety and I don’t have time for your shit too.

And it’s amazing. I am too exhausted to worry about making someone else uncomfortable who is asking too much of me.

Disregarding my anxiety? I’m going to tell you about it. And I’m going to demand the respect I deserve.

Instead of feeling bad for prioritizing me, I am owning the hell out of it.

I don’t have enough time nor energy right now to devote to anyone but me, and that matters. That’s just as important as giving others my time and energy.

Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten older, maybe its the pandemic, but I have finally realized I can’t do it all. And I shouldn’t have to.

What do you need right now? Do that. Be that. Embrace that. The people who know and love you will support you. Anyone else? Fuck em. Ain’t nobody got time for that.