Networking

I know what you're thinking and I apologize.  I know you've been waiting for business advice from me and I'm sorry its taken me so long.  Today, we are starting with networking.

Networking scares a lot of people.  They worry about how to approach strangers, what to talk about and why its important.  And while I understand the fear behind the experience, I love networking. 

It's all in how you look at networking.  Take business out of it.  Remove the formality.  Networking at its most basic form is relationship building.  When you realize that there's no special way to act or perfect thing to say - a lot of the pressure is taken away from the situation. 

Ashley's Steps to Networking Success:

• Be Authentic: In business I believe being authentic is the best way to build real, long lasting relationships.  Don't fake interest, don't ask a question without listening to the answer, don't pretend to be someone you're not.  You don't have to remember anything if you stick to who you are and speak the truth.
• Actively Listen: Take an interest in what people tell you.  Learn the quirks that make people different and what drives them to succeed.  Try to remember small details about people you meet and utilize them in future interactions.  Be honestly interested and engaged.  Most people can tell when you aren't listening and don't care.  It's bullshit and it's a huge turnoff.
• Always Be On: I don't mean this how traditional businessmen mean this.  I mean realize every situation is an opportunity to network.  Every happy hour, sporting event, dinner with friends is an opportunity to meet new people and build new relationships.  So continue to be your best brand.  Be you at all times and you won't ever have to worry about acting in a way that keeps you from building an important relationship.
• Put in the Effort: Realize that if you only keep in touch with people when you need something - you'll lose a lot of contacts.  You don't need to be friends with everyone but you do need to put the effort in to keep in touch with your contacts.  Shoot a quick check in email, send a birthday card, engage on LinkedIn.  Keep the relationship going and don't be the person that only reaches out when they need something.
• Be a Mentor: As you grow and become seasoned in your field, be a mentor.  Help the next generation to succeed without expecting anything in return.  I continue to mentor some of my past student workers to this day and seeing them succeed, helping in any way I can - is the most rewarding thing I've ever done.  These kids are going to change the world, and if I can help guide them, that's the best thing I'll ever achieve. 
• Ask for What You Want: Need a reference?  Looking for a mentor?  ASK.  Building a relationship is about reading cues and creating a long term engagement plan.  If you've met someone who you would love to learn from, tell them that.  Figure out a way to make it work for their schedule and your needs.  Applying for a new job and need a good reference?  Look to the people around you that you have spent the most time with and who believe in your work.  The point is - if you don't ask for it - you won't get it.

The most important thing to remember about networking is that it's not limited to an event.  It's not something you learn to turn on and off.  Networking is not what it used to be.  It's not name tags and awkward happy hours.  It's who you sit next to on the bus.  It's the guy you meet while getting your hair cut.  It's everywhere and its all times of day.  It truly never stops.  And while that can be daunting - don't let it be.  Focus on your brand, being authentic to that brand and commit yourself to realizing networking is simply engaging with people in a real way.  Networking is opportunity and opportunity is everywhere.

SANTA IS COMING! 2 DAYS!

I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!  I get it.  He's kind of scary.  He breaks into your house, eats your cookies, drinks your milk, calls everyone a ho and then leaves footprints on the floor.  That's kiiiind of rude right?  But listen - HE LEAVES YOU PRESENTS.

As I already did a piece on Christmas and what it means to me, I'm utilizing this blog as a bit of a challenge to my readers (Seriously, are any of you still following my blog or is it just my family?  Thank God I have a large family...). 

Christmas is for magic and kindness and miracles and so my challenge to you is to take time this week to believe in the impossible.  Let go of your stresses and insecurities, commit to believing you can achieve anything and that the thing you think can't happen - WILL. 

Set aside your work, put down your gadgets and be present.  Listen to the people around you, smile at strangers, engage in meaningful relationships.  Reset your mind and your spiritual space and just be in the moment

I challenge you to gain perspective, to consider things from another point of view, to commit a random act of kindness.  Be 5 again, believe in magic, pretend the world hasn't made you hard, and take in the enchantment that is the Holiday season. 

If you allow yourself to utilize these days for a larger purpose - I promise you will come out happier, healthier, and ready to rock 2017. 

#SparkleOn

I'm Thankful for the Worst Job I Ever Had.

When I was offered my dream job a few years back - I thought it was the beginning of everything I'd worked and sacrificed for out of college.  It was all the late nights, long trips, menial tasks, biting my tongue - all coming back to say this is why I sacrificed my health and my time and my life for a good five years. 

And it was my dream job.  It was a role that put me in a field I'm deeply passionate about and allowed me the independence and creativity to take risks and expand my knowledge.  I was able to plan events and trips I'd once dreamed I'd be able to do.  I existed as a separate entity with a lot of authority to make decisions and take risks.  Sure - I had the small annoyances and red tape all jobs have - but I can honestly say I felt like I was doing what I had dreamed of.

But while the job was my dream - the environment was not.  Between sexual harassment, bullying, belittling, witnessing blatant illegal activity - it was a nightmare.  The things I saw and heard and directly experienced were far beyond anything I could ever imagine.  And I put up with it for awhile.  I kept quiet and tried to blend in.  I ignored that women were disrespected and treated differently and I smiled when executives blatantly berated staff. 

And yes - those of you who know me - you're right - that lasted a good ten minutes.  I was born with an intense need to speak up.  I've tried to be one of those people who can sit back quietly, but I failed every time.  So I pushed back.  I spoke out.  When I couldn't take it anymore - I made formal accusations and knew HR wouldn't help me.  It's hard to expect HR to help when HR is largely involved in the problem.  I knew that my dream job wasn't worth sacrificing my mental health anymore. 

So when I spoke up - I was obviously approached and we discussed how I wasn't a good fit anymore for the culture.  And they're right.  We parted on mutually agreeable terms - and I felt the biggest relief of my life never having to go back.  To give you some context - 75% of the company has left in the past year.  So we aren't just talking normal office shenanigans.  We are talking hidden lawsuits, carefully worded news articles - and a lot of "severance pay."

And I'm so incredibly thankful for that experience.  I was put in situations where I was asked to do the impossible.  I was verbally abused, made physically uncomfortable, among a long list of ridiculous things.  But through those experiences I've gained confidence, the ability to problem solve under the highest levels of stress, and developed a level of excellence in what I do that is hard to match.

I've learned what kind of leader I never want to be.  I've learned to treat everyone in the workplace with respect.  I've learned to make an effort to show I value each person in each department because without them we can't be whole.  And I've learned it's better to walk away from your dream job than to give up your dream of being a good person. 

But it was my dream job.  Truly I wonder if I'll ever find that position ever again.  Would I ever go back?  No.  Not for all the money in the world, not for promises of change.  Not ever.  But I am a better business woman and human being because of what I went through.  The relationships I formed in that time are people that will be my friends for the rest of my life.  They've become confidants, references, and people I look to for advice in the business world.

When I speak to new companies about my next move - I'm able to be pickier, focus more on culture, and I'm rarely ever flustered in an interview.  It's hard to throw me off my game because of the challenges I was given in my previous role.  I also know my value, and I'm not afraid to let my work speak for itself.  I continue to focus on my relationships and building strong honest partnerships with the people around me.

And you know what I've learned?  As much as that organization tried to break me - it failed.  I'm valued in my industry, I've got a reputation for working hard and being someone who will not compromise my ethics.  The lesson learned is that you can plan your dream job as much as you want, but it won't always turn out like the picture in your head.  You can either crumble from the disappointment or you can use the pivotal moment to create a new path.  I'm choosing to accept the adventure and see where it takes me. 

The San Francisco 49ers

I was born a Niners fan.  My family of athletes doesn't believe in raising their children to make their own sports loyalty decisions.  We tell you who to support when you come out of the womb and you get on board or you find a new family.  It's been done this way since cavemen and I plan to force the same loyalties on my children.

To me, the San Francisco 49ers have meant loyalty, tradition and excellence above all.  They stand for winning, sportsmanship, teamwork and class.  I grew up in awe of Steve Young, Joe Montana, Jerry Rice, Dwight Clark - legends in their field.  Whether we won a ring or not - I was proud to wear red and gold. 

In recent years, the organization has lost its way.  Now before you claim I am merely bitter because we are 1-12, understand that you're wrong.  There's a reason we can't keep a coach, players, or even staff.  There's a reason the Niners were named the worst organization in sports.  And there's a reason that our past coaches and players thrive on other teams and within other organizations.

When it's not coaching and its not your players - it's ownership.  Success starts at the top.  It takes a good leader to make the right decisions and put the right people into the puzzle to make it all fit.  And right now - we have a really poor leader.  Don't believe me?  Let's talk. 

Jim Harbaugh - he was 43-19-1 with the 49ers.  He was a leader in the locker room - certainly overly passionate but he knew what he was doing.  He's considered one of the most successful coaches in franchise history.  Since Jim Harbaugh left we have won I believe 6 of the last 28 games.  Jim is now at Michigan - a team ranked consistently top 10 since he took over.

Patrick Willis.  Patrick Willis spent his entire 8 year career as a 49er as one of the best to play the game.  7x Pro bowl, NFL defensive rookie of the year, 5x first team all pro - and the list goes on.  He retired from the game rather than stay with the organization.  Certainly we can talk about his injuries and his heart wasn't in it - but I still place some of the blame on the Niners for not making it a place he loved being anymore.  **To be fair - I am in love with Patrick Willis so basically nothing he does is wrong in my eyes. 

Do we even go into our draft picks of late?  I'm no expert but what in the hell is Trent Baalke thinking when he goes into a draft?  Is he throwing darts?  Drawing cards?  GUESSING?  I honestly want to know what happens in that war room.  And I want to know if the rest of the ops team is in support or just as confused as us fans are?  All I know for sure is since 2011 when Baalke became the permanent GM - I've not been impressed.  And that 2011 season that the experts credit to his turnaround?  I credit that to a Jim Harbaugh coaching regime.  Because ok - Aldon Smith was great for a hot minute and so was Kapernick - but can we please look at how both of those draft picks have ended up?  Aldon Smith is a nightmare and does not represent what a 49er player stands for (fitting he's a Raider now) and Kap quite honestly can't hang when the pressure is on and he needs to learn to focus on football during the season instead of his poorly misguided political views (don't vote, don't talk).  Sure he had some brief success but when the rest of the league caught on to his style of play, he began to falter.  He has brief moments of stardom, but again, at the end of the day - you can't rely on Kapernick to get the job done.

From a business standpoint - because sports are a business - Jed York is doing a pretty good job.  He built a stadium that caters to the tech billionaires and draws big shows.  Whether people come to the game or not - he collects on the season tickets and sponsorships.  The concerts, shows, and corporate events are booking up the off season because he built himself an expensive fancy stadium (although close look, it's got some tech and layout issues but I digress).  At the end of the day - the 49ers probably aren't hurting for money.  And realistically, that's probably part of the reason Jed is willing to take risks with the football end of the business.  If you're still going to be rich AF whether you win or lose, might as well take a few liberties with your decisions.  Sports teams are often hobbies to rich owners, not their livelihood.

So now here we are - it's 2016.  We've had two more head coaches (I'm thinking we get a third for the next season), numerous off the field player incidents, and we are 1-12.  I can't name half the players on our team and there's no hope of a comeback in the foreseeable future.

It's a start with getting rid of Trent Baalke but then I want to see the York's go (far less likely but I want to believe the latest rumors).  I want to see big changes and to restore what this organization used to stand for.  No more losing, no more behavioral issues, no more focusing on taking the team out of San Francisco.  This is an organization that's 70 years old.  And for a good 60+ of those years being a Niner fan came with immense pride in what that logo stood for.  Sports are supposed to be fun and to encourage loyalty.  Right now - the only thing this franchise brings to the table is a fancy stadium for the Silicon Valley rich kids.  It's cool you can order a beer with an app, but who's at the game to buy that beer?  NOBODY (see what I did there?).

Jed York, give us our team back.  I will always be a fan, I will always love my Niners.  There's no other team for me.  But I want to feel proud of that loyalty again.  I want to wear my gear and remember the tradition, respect, class and excellence it stands for.  I am forever faithful, make that mean something again.

**If you're not a Niner fan and you say anything bad about my team, you're dead to me and I'll fight you. 

***My version of fighting is to throw glitter in your eye. (Except that time in AZ where me and my cousin almost fought some Cardinals fans, but really, that was the vodka's fault and I'm really sorry I almost got us into World War 3...anywhoo!)

None of the Things

I often speak in absolutes.  I want all of the foods.  I need all of the things.  But recently I've started realizing - I could probably do with less of the things - maybe just have some of the things and focus more on the experiences.

I've always had lots of things.  Clothes, shoes, technologies, accessories, home goods - I'm telling you - all of the things.  And the more I move - the more I discover new things I didn't know I had.  Clothes with the tags still on them that I purchased 3 years ago.  Shoes new in boxes that I bought a year ago.  A fancy running watch I wore probably a handful of times and then exchanged for the latest greatest Fitbit.  You get the point.  I own all the things and I'm basically a hoarder. 

So I started trying something new.  Every time I move I make a conscious effort to get real with myself about the things I own.  If I haven't worn something in 2 years, it goes in the donate pile.  When I moved from Arizona back to California - I donated 8 trash bags - yes those would be full size trash bags - of clothing.  I was also able to sell 2 full bags and make a profit of $300.  But being able to easily give away 8 big bags of my clothes - mind you this was the first time I cleansed so I was truly only getting rid of things I could easily part with - and I was still able to fill 8 bags.  The second time I cleansed - I was able to donate 3 more bags.  Realizing the amount of stuff I owned that was of no importance opened my eyes to how much money I was wasting on things.  Things that could instead be experiences.

I always talk about my bucket list.  And a lot of my bucket list items are expensive.  They're exotic trips, tickets to the biggest events in sports, meals at some hard to get into restaurants.  And I started to think - are the things I own worth giving up the bucket list experiences?  For me - they're not.  I don't need a new outfit more than I need a plane ticket to Maui.  I won't get more happiness from an expensive haircut than I will from going to the National Championship football game.  I'll absolutely enjoy drinking wine in Italy more than that expensive kitchen table I've been eyeing. 

Mind you I've also never had time for experiences before.  A lot of my bucket list items were checked off because of work trips and work experiences.  But now that I've made a commitment to a work life balance - I've got all this time to do things and not a lot of extra cash to make it happen.

So I changed my focus.  I'm a conscious buyer now.  When I'm shopping, when I'm out with friends, basically when I'm doing anything I'm asking myself is this a need or a want?  If I don't spend $50 on this - can I put it towards my next experience?  And while I'm not ready to book my South African Safari, I am closer than I was six months ago.  And if I continue on this path - I'll be able to continue checking off bucket list items.  And for me - those experiences are what make my life feel so full.  It's not the shoes and clothes and fancy kitchen items I'll remember - it's the feelings I'll get from being able to adventure.  It's the relationships I'll build on unforgettable trips.  And it's witnessing sports history, laying down on the field at Alabama - and it's getting uncomfortable and growing doing things I never thought I could.  Keep all the things - I want all the experiences.

Defining Success

America is a country that values success.  We put the American dream above all else.  But what does success mean?  How is success defined?  Traditionally, success often correlates to money.  To having status because you've leveled up to millionaire.  We are a culture that values things more than we value anything else.  We are a culture obsessed with the Kardashians, flashy cars, fancy jewels, and oversized homes.  And just when you think you've made it - someone else comes along and shows you haven't quite got enough. 

Having grown up in a wealthy suburban California town - I understand that success and money go hand in hand.  I always dreamed of the day I would become wealthy and be able to not only buy whatever I wanted, but to support my parents as they got older too.  I love all the things.  The shoes, the shiny jewels, the fancy cars - I enjoy getting my hair and nails done - and I live for traveling.  But I also started my career in an industry that traditionally doesn't pay well.  Like living off top ramen and paying for gas with change not well.  Certainly as I've elevated my career I've elevated my paycheck - but I'm 31 and I am not millionaire. 

By American standards, and by the standards of my country club town - I am not successful.  That's caused me to stop and think.  To reevaluate what success means to me.  Because although I'm not a millionaire (yet), I am not a failure.  I've built a career that I can be proud of.  I've continued to climb the ladder, I've become a mentor to others, and I've set myself up to run my own business one day - and that's certainly not failing.

I've also come to think of success as not strictly related to business.  The most successful people are the people that understand work does not define you.  When I first started out in my career until very recently - I prioritized work over everything.  Even over my health.  Eventually I decided my health, my family, and my friends were more important.  I didn't want to miss the special occasions, I didn't want to be sick and tired all the time - I wanted balance.  And finding a balance between a thriving career and a thriving personal life is success at the highest level. 

Ultimately success means having a strong healthy relationship with myself and others, continuing to grow in my career, and being fiscally stable.  It's being able to recognize that I will forever be a work in progress and that what makes me the most successful is who I am to myself and to the people most important to me.  Money is incredible.  Money affords some amazing opportunities - but money doesn't define success.  I know a lot of really wealthy people who are utter failures at being decent human beings.  And I know people who barely survive and would still give you their last dollar. 

Take time to define what success means to you.  And then throughout the year evaluate where you're at in relation to your definition of success.  Personally - I don't care how much money you have in your bank account if you can't be bothered to be a good person.  In my world, success is joy, its passion, its overcoming adversity, its helping others, its so much more than a dollar figure. 

What does success mean to you?

Inspire Midtown - Guest Blogger!

I had the privilege of being a guest blogger for a wonderful organization called Inspire Midtown!  Inspire Midtown is dedicated to inspiring and empowering women in both their personal and professional lives.  It's specific to the Sacramento area (where I'm from!) but the message resonates worldwide and was inspired by Sheryl Sandberg's book Lean In. 

My piece speaks to the personal side of being a woman in the world and I will be following it up with a part 2 focusing on women in business!

Check it out and be sure to browse the rest of the website while you're there!  If you're local to the Sacramento region, consider getting involved!  I would be lost without my fierce lady friends and highly recommend finding a group of your own!

Inspire Midtown

The Most Wonderful Time of EVER

Alright - I know.  Technically this is going to fall under a lifestyle piece but hear me out.  The Holiday season is an entire part of the year dedicated to sparkles and smiles.  It stands for giving and thankfulness and magic and it's my website so I'm making this a whole feature blog.  AND YOU CANT STOP ME!

Let's talk décor.  I'm focusing on Christmas décor because my family and I celebrate Christmas.  I'm too excited not to start with the main event!

The Christmas Tree

The most important part of the Christmas tree décor is of course THE TREE!  I love fresh trees but recently we've gone to the pre lit fake trees and bought candles to get that Christmas tree smell.  When decorating your Christmas tree, I advise a theme.  Every year we pick a color scheme and build off that to create our overall look. 

...And the Details!

The rest of your décor is built to match your tree color scheme.  Choose pieces that compliment your centerpiece.  Below are my three favorite Christmas color schemes to get your creative juices flowing!

1. Gold and White: Gold and White is such a classic color scheme.  I love how elegant and glamorous it is.  Add in some silver as well - the mixed metals are great for bouncing light off of.

2. Lime Green and Red: I'm in love with this theme because it's a more playful spin on the traditional green & red.  The lime green gives an extra pop and it's just fun.  Adding in some gold accents is also highly advised for sparkle!

3. Multicolored: So this is just a fun scheme.  It reminds me of being a kid and my mom letting me put the ornaments up however I wanted.  I never had any pattern and the tree always looked like I colored out of the lines but the memories I have make me smile whenever I see someone with a multicolored tree.

I should also point out that I love over the top décor.  I'm talking I want the house to be covered in holiday cheer.  Sparkles, Santas and Smells galore.  I'm also that person who records all the Christmas movies - cheesy Lifetime specials included.  And if we're being honest - I've kiiiiind of been listening to Christmas music since the first week of November. 

Outdoor Décor

Now let's talk about outdoor Christmas décor.  I'm a bit of a snob when it comes to outdoor lighting and décor.  I don't like a lot of fuss or giant Santas.  I prefer lights and classic looks at that.  I know a lot of people love the over the top lights, inflatables, and reindeer on the roof but I find it incredibly tacky (bah humbug).  Clean lines, symmetry, and generally white lights are swoon worthy in my book.

Stockings

I'm not sue if other families make a big deal out of stockings but my favorite gifts have always been stocking stuffers.  I love the little unique gifts that people pick up because something made them think of you.  Stockings are always full of the things you never thought to give yourself and my family is incredible at stocking stuffers.  I could forego the big gifts and exclusively live on stocking surprises.  Because of this - my family has always been big on custom stockings.  We even have them made for the dogs! 

Creative Wrapping

Lastly - I love gift wrapping.  There are so many ways to get creative and make your own tags that the possibilities are endless.  Plus when you've got gifts under the tree that are wrapped with extra love - opening them is just more fun.

I hope you're all having fun decorating your homes for the Holidays and enjoying time spent with the ones you love!  If you thought I was extra annoyingly sparkly before - you may want to stay away from me until February.

#SparkleOn

Number One.

In a world focused on likes, the number of friends on your Facebook, and who you know - it's hard to remember that YOU are number one.  That your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have. 

Growing up, I was always a bit of a beat to her own drum kind of kid.  But I also wanted to be well liked.  Instead of embracing everything that made me unique, I often conformed to whatever group I thought I should be like at any given time.  And that's an exhausting way to live life. 

I was often accused of being too much.  Too loud, too feisty, too opinionated.  It's been assumed my upbeat demeanor means I'm dumb.  I've been told I'm too intimidating.  Too picky.  The point is - I've let a lot of people tell me a lot of things about who I should be.  And that got me to a really dark unhappy place.

As hurtful as it is to hear people you care about tell you such ugly things about yourself, you have to learn to ignore it.  I was recently told - would it be nice if your people accepted you?  Yes.  But it's really freeing to not need that.  To accept yourself.  So that's what I'm doing.

I'm a wonderful person.  I'm kind, caring, fiercely loyal, passionate, and committed to standing up for myself and others.  I'm loud, sometimes I put my foot in my mouth, I've been known to raise my voice in a fit of frustration, and I've said mean things to people I love.  I'm a work in progress.  But I am a wonderful person.  And I can honestly say I love who I am. 

That's a really big step for me.  To make the decision to own up to my entire package and say - I'm doing ok.  I'm going to choose to respect the opinions of others who don't agree - but I will not let them define me.  Only I can define who I am. And who I will continue to grow and become.  And I feel so incredibly free being able to not only say that out loud, but to actively work to retrain my brain and to believe it. 

We all have our doubts.  We all let the words of others get to us.  We all have days where we question who we are.  But the key to personal growth and success is to be strong enough to minimize those days.  To come back stronger.

So let's talk about how to self love.  I'd like to leave you with some tools that I am putting into practice on my journey - I hope they help you too:

• Celebrate your strengths: Every morning, write down a quality about you that's awesome.  Today I wrote down that I'm strong.  I'm a fighter and I'll make it through anything.
• Acknowledge your areas of growth: Notice I don't say weaknesses.  Areas of growth are things like you have a temper, or you have trouble listening, etc.  Today I wrote down anxiety.  I need to get back to utilizing my tools to control my anxiety.
• Surround yourself with people who do love you for you: You need cheerleaders.  Keep those people so very close.  They're people who accept you, the good the bad the ugly.  I meet with girlfriends weekly to support each other, talk about our frustrations, and to laugh.  It's incredibly healing and uplifting for us all and I'm beyond grateful for this time.  The no judgment zone is the most freeing place to be
• Find your Zen: What makes you happy?  What relaxes you?  I love working out, I love writing, and I love reading.  When I'm not having a good mental day - I do these things to reset my mindset.  Do whatever works.  A manicure, shopping, cooking, honestly anything that distracts you and allows you to refocus your negative mindset to a healthier one.
• Be ok with not being ok: Not every day is a sparkly day.  That's ok.  You're allowed to have a bad day.  Utilize it to understand why you're there and come back stronger the next day.
• Reflect and Evaluate: Take time throughout the year to reflect on where you were and where you're at and where you're headed.  Mental health awareness is huge.  Are you stuck in a rut?  Are you depressed or frustrated?  Where are you at and if its not a good place, acknowledge it and seek out help.  If you're growing and happy and thriving, celebrate that and focus on keeping along that path.
• Pay it Forward: Be kind and encouraging to others.  not only does it help others which is incredible, it helps YOU to feel good.  All around, it helps everyone and helps with your development.  And its just good karma.

At the end of the day - if you don't love you, its hard for everyone else to.  Working on yourself and recognizing self love is not selfish it is critical to your growth and sanity.  It's ok to say I need to step away from this unhealthy situation, that you disagree when someone calls you unlikeable, to take time to find yourself.  If you're not in a good place with you, you can't possibly be putting good back out there for everyone else.  Focus on number one once in awhile, for the good of everyone.

#SparkleOn

Politically Speaking.

The election is over.  Donald Trump is our new President.  I know, Donald Trump, the man who didn't even believe it himself, was elected President of the United States of America.

I'll admit - I cried when I learned that Trump would be our 45th President.  I shed about 6 whole tears, which incidentally is more than I've shed in about 100 years of existence.  Politically speaking - I don't much care for politics.  And politically speaking - I'm not upset about the politics associated with Donald Trump.  But I am upset that a man ran an entire campaign based in blatant racist, sexist, hateful sentiments - and he won.

I'm upset that people, intelligent, loving, good human beings were so upset with the state of our nation that they were willing to overlook these sentiments and elect this man as our leader.  No, not all voters who selected Trump are racist or sexist - but a vote for Trump is a vote that says "I'm willing to condone how he ran his campaign because of other factors."

And what a luxury that is.  There's a great divide between those who believe a vote for Trump is a vote for hate and those who simply claim they disagree with how he chose to run his campaign but believe in his politics.  And believe me, I get that.  I'm fiscally Republican.  Socially - I lean more Democratic.  Realistically, I should be part of that whole group that has such a mixed bag of views they don't even fit Independents.  I should start a sparkly party.  I digress (as I so often do), what is hard for me to understand is:

1. If you don't believe a vote for Trump is a vote for hate what is your justification to vote for someone who ran a campaign on blatant racist, sexist, and went so far to even mock a disabled person?  Are you a protected class?

2. Now that we've started to "give Trump a chance" as he elects his surrounding team and that he's shown to put some bad people in place - do you still back your vote?  If you do, where do we draw the line?

3. Are you altogether denying that racism/sexism/bigotry exist as a larger problem?

Truly - I'm accepting and open to different beliefs.  I enjoy open discussion and have made a point to understand both sides.  I've had great debate with friends and people I respect who voted for Trump.  And whether I'm wrong or right - I want to understand why as a nation we aren't more concerned about the implications of this type of campaign and Presidency?  I want to understand why groups of people don't feel as passionate about the racist/sexist/bigoted speech and actions.  I want to know why its easy for some to dismiss the concerns of millions and say "get over it".  I'm intensely curious about all of these things.  And I want to see discussion, evaluation, and accountability for all of it. 

At the end of four years - I would love to be wrong.  I would love to see Donald Trump turn into a saint who brings America better and makes us the strongest we've ever been.  But I'm scared we set ourselves back and created a scary place to exist.  And I think it's ok to feel scared.  It's ok to have questions.  Instead of the hateful arguments and accusations and telling citizens how to feel - talk to each other.  Realize the only way we get through this is to respect each other, to communicate, and to be open minded.  Dividing ourselves is not only unproductive its positively stupid.  It's how we destroy ourselves.  Put aside your pride and actively listen to the concerns of others.  We have to exist together and personally I would like to exist in a positive way - the only way to do that is to come together so that we have a majority of open minded people.  To work together so much that the few that are truly bad seeds cannot be heard.