Life over the last 6+ months has been all the things. It’s been the highest highs and lowest lows and everything in between. It often feels like I’m still shining bright, but the lights are all tangled.
I’ve been so in love, so happy, so devastated, so proud, so humbled, so scared, so sad, so many feelings and yet at the end of it, I am beyond grateful to be in this chapter of life.
It’s been a lot of learning to sit in emotions, be ok with not being in control and allowing myself to reflect before acting.
But never have my connections felt more authentic and fulfilling than this time. My people have shown up for me through the really incredibly exciting life moments and helped keep me up for the really devastating ones.
And I think that’s the point of life.
Community and connection to each other.
I’ve always been ok on my own, more than ok honestly. I enjoy my alone time and knowing that at the end of the day, I’ve got me. I never felt that I was missing anything by being less open to really deep connections. I’ve always had a strong social life, family life, romantic life - but never allowed myself to fully be all in.
But eventually the therapy had to do something right?
Lately, the lights feel a little less tangled. I’m still not great at vulnerability. I still don’t know how to do relationships. I still struggle to be completely open and honest. I second guess myself a lot more than I’m comfortable admitting.
But when I look around at my little close circle around me, and the extended connections beyond that — I feel really proud of what I’m building. Seeing folks celebrate with me and grieve with me has been the most humbling and special experience of my life.
My words and my writing are rusty but wanting to come back to this space is starting to fill me up.
Hope you’ll stick around and see where I go next.