The news out of Cornell and the 50-plus men who stood by, watched, and did absolutely nothing to stop it have been heavy on my mind all week.
I am exhausted. Physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. As are the women around me.
To be completely honest, I’m not surprised. I’m not even shocked—and that might be the most devastating part of all. But I am angry, I am triggered, and I am carrying a weight that feels almost too heavy to bear.
It has been almost twenty years since I was sexually assaulted. You hope that time builds a safe distance. You hope the sharp edges soften. But this week wasn't just news; it was a visceral, full-body flashback to everything I felt two decades ago. The suffocating anger. The insidious shame. The fog of confusion. The sheer terror that takes over when someone steals your choice, your agency, and your safety.
What hurts so acutely right now is watching the inevitable pattern repeat itself. We live in a society that still defaults to thinking of men first—their potential, their reputations, their comfort, and their futures. Time and time again, systemically and culturally, male futures are prioritized over female survival and human dignity. Victims are left to rebuild their shattered lives in the background while the world worries about what consequences might mean for the men involved. That’s what happens when you put rapists, abusers and mysoginists in the highest offices in the land.
It makes me feel like this country and this world are constantly whispering the same message to women: You don't matter. You don’t have value. Shrink.
I am done accepting that message. I never gave it weight to begin with. I am not letting men off the hook.
This is not a "women’s issue" to solve. Women did not create this culture, and we cannot be the only ones fighting to survive it. It is on men to fix this.
And if you’re on the “not all men” side of the issue — I hope you never find peace again. I hope you have the most miserable existence because you are truly the scum of this Earth. And if you’re a man who voted for this — I wish nothing but the worst for you. Because that makes you a predator too.
To every man reading this: it is not enough to simply claim you are "one of the good ones." It is not enough to privately disagree with how other men act while staying silent in the room. Silence is compliance. Standing by while violence, harassment, or dehumanizing behavior happens makes you complicit.
It is on men to hold each other accountable—in group chats, in locker rooms, in fraternity houses, in boardrooms, and in quiet conversations when no women are around. It is on men to actively protect, value, and uplift women as equal human beings. It is on men to teach their sons, check their friends, and disrupt the locker-room culture that treats women’s bodies as disposable.
I don't have a neat, hopeful wrap-up for this piece. I don't have an "aha" moment or a polished silver lining. I’m just hurting, and I’m furious.
If you are a woman or a survivor carrying this same crushing weight this week, please know you are not alone. I see you, I hear you, and I am sitting in this anger with you. I feel the fear with you. But I am also here for you. To cry, hold your hand, scream.
And if you are a man reading this and feeling uncomfortable—good. Use that discomfort. Step up, speak out, and start doing the work to fix what men have broken. The first thing you can do is have conversations with the women around you. Listen if they tell you that you’ve had problematic behavior. Accept the feedback on how to be better. And then have the same conversations with your male friends and be better.
I don’t know when or if things like this will stop happening. I don’t know when women will hold value. I hope it’s in my lifetime.
As we often have to do, women will pick ourselves back up, show up and continue to fight. All while holding this world together. Because the truth is, women are the backbone of society. We quite literally make the world possible. We are the most powerful people on the planet. I’ll never stop showing up to remind men of that.
But this week? I’m holding space for whatever makes me feel some ounce of joy and peace. And that’s ok.
Gentle Resources
If current events or writing through this bring up difficult feelings, please remember to honor your boundaries and rest:
RAINN (National Sexual Assault Hotline): 1-800-656-4673 or rainn.org (Free, confidential, 24/7).
