I used to be bothered by everything. Because I allowed myself to be everything to everyone, I felt the need to respond to e v e r y t h i n g. It was a driving need to explain myself, to fix everything for everyone, and it was exhausting. It contributed greatly to my worst anxiety days.
The other day I realized I’m a whole lot of unbothered a whole lot of the time lately. My anxiety is not cured — in fact I had a complete overwhelming debilitating day just last week — but in general, I am un-fucking-bothered.
And that’s the goal. To not feel the need to exist to meet the needs of others. Or to explain myself. Or to fix things that are not mine to manage.
Truly for the first time it felt like “ok, this is what I’ve been working so hard for.” This is why I do the hard work (and it IS work) at therapy. This is why I face my demons and my past — to feel that clarity.
It motivates me to keep working.
Being unbothered is a state of just living. Focusing on your own growth, your own stuff and how to take care of yourself first. It’s expressing your own needs to others and refusing to explain who you are.
It’s life changing. I hope it lasts.
It helps me to love more, forgive when no apology has been offered, and to walk away from situations that aren’t serving me. Which is allowing me to invest more in people and situations that make my heart feel whole.
The difference between unbothered and that whole “IDGAF” moment is that you care a lot. I care a whole fucking lot. I give all the fucks. All of them. But only about the really important things. I am caring about the things that make me a whole healthy human so that I can have enriched relationships and experiences.
It’s a focused GAF if you will. Because you really should give a lot of fucks. But only about the things that serve you well. Only about the things that make you feel good. Do what you gotta do. Have those difficult breakthroughs. Work on making yourself healthy so that the world around you can be a better place to exist. Self care is self preservation. And if you’re doing it right, it’s self love and self investment for all the people and things coming in your future.