Fairy Tale Endings

I don't believe that life always works out in the end.  I don't believe that if you work hard, you're a good person, that life automatically hands you the happy ending.  No matter what you do, how amazing you are, sometimes life is unfair.  You don't get the dream job.  You don't find your life partner.  You may not beat cancer.  But I do believe that even when life is hard, even if you don't get that fairy tale ending, life is worth living to its best potential.

While this may seem like a really negative outlook, when you really think about it, it's actually an extremely positive way to live your life.  I'm saying that there are no guarantees in life, you're not owed that dream ending.  But if you choose to celebrate the good things that do happen along the way, at the end of the day, you are living your best fairy tale.

If you simply wait until the end to have your fantasy come true - you're missing the entire point of what a good life is.  A good life is not 75 years of working towards your dreams and then only having maybe 10-15 years to enjoy those things.  Life is for enjoying the things that happen to you as they occur.  The dream is having a life you're able to find joy in every single day.  

So how do you live your fairy tale now?

Be Present

Pay attention to your life every second of the day.  Something I've been doing lately is pausing every hour to regroup and if I need to, give myself a minute of joy doing something that I know relaxes me.  I'm trying to look less at where I want to be in 5 years and more at where I want to be in 5 minutes so that I'm able to truly be conscious of my life as it happens.  

Celebrate the Small Things

Big promotions and personal milestones are absolutely worth popping bottles for - but so are the days you make it through by purely surviving.  You're not going to experience life altering achievements every day.  But you are going to experience little things every day that make you smile.  That's a win.  Celebrate those.  Eat a donut, go on a walk, get a manicure - do something to celebrate!

Be Mindful

If you're unable to carve out small moments for yourself or you're not finding any moments of joy in your life.  You need to make a change.  Every single day is not going to be a good day.  Some are positively terrible.  But if there is not one single moment you can step away and breathe or smile at least once - you need to take steps for a new life. You don't get to do life twice.  Make sure you aren't wasting too much time in a situation that makes you miserable.

Be Realistic

Reality TV sets these unrealistic standards for life.  Stop comparing the way you live and who you are to the lives of people in the media.  you're only seeing half their story and quite frankly, their stories are not the norm.  Figure out what your happy looks like and shoot for that.  I can't afford to leave my job and travel full time right now.  But I can afford to plan trips until full time travel becomes a reality one day.  Baby steps.  Be realistic.    

At the end of the day, happy is available to you every single day.  The fairy tale is all around you waiting to be had.  If you take the time to adjust your understanding of what a dream life looks like, you'll realize 90 years of every day magic moments are better than 75 years of misery to only "live your fantasy" for 10-15 years max.  The happy ending is a life full of smiles.

Expert Expertise.

I've never believed in the word expert.

Hear me out.

The word expert - to me - means knowing everything.  Right, I get it you egg heads, according to Merriam Webster, that's not the actual definition.  But for all intensive purposes, when I hear someone calling themselves an expert, my eyes involuntarily roll back so hard I'm convinced they may never come back to front.

I hope I'm never considered an expert in my field.   Call me an authority, a heavily trusted, or extremely knowledgeable member of my field, but don't ever hail me as an expert.

The word expert gives me a feeling of complete.  Of all knowing.  And something I think our generation has lost, is the art of learning.

We are a world of college and advanced degrees (and debt), but we are also a generation of merely doing these things to get the diploma because without them, we can't get jobs.  But I would argue that a large part of the people I see in the world are really aware of how to pass a test, complete an assignment, and finagle their way to a passing grade - but don't ever really learn a whole lot.

I'm constantly yearning to learn more.  When I travel, I do a little historical research on whatever city I'm going to.  I eat local, I talk to locals, I explore local.  I listen to the stories of the people around me and I learn about their lives.  I read every single day - often crime novels - but I learn new words, new tidbits, and I expand my knowledge.  I always ask the stupid questions.  WHY are we doing this?  WHAT if there's a different way?  The point is - I'm always learning.

Kids at school often learn because its what's expected.  But I'm not sure they're really encouraged to take in what they're being taught and apply it to life.  I think a lot of it goes back to the cycle of things.  You go to school, you advance, you go to college, you get a job.  There's never really a ton of opportunity to focus on the learning unless you're in a specialized field (shout out to you medical students, please pay attention to your learning!).  

As adults - we also get set in our ways.  We go to work, we go to the gym, we watch TV - its a cycle. 

When I talk to my friends, not a lot of them actually do research.  They show up and they engage.  I'm always researching.  Before Belize, I did my research.  Before I go to a restaurant, I research.  Before I complete a work assignment, I do research.  I do everything possible to learn and grow my skill set so that I never take for granted that I'm an expert.

For anyone out there aiming to be an expert, aim to be someone who learns instead.  Don't ever get complacent in what you do.  Don't ever assume you know it all in any given subject.  Force yourself to learn so that you become more aware how much you really don't know.  Become a student of life and dedicate yourself to continuous exploration of everything around you.

The less people think of themselves as experts, the more likely they are to be open to the differences around them.  And the more open they are to listening over speaking.  Never become an expert in anything but learning.  

Career Journey: An Update

I'm officially 6 months into this new journey in Texas and as I'm settling into my new apartment, I thought I'd update you all on my new career! 

A lot of people see my social media posts with my travel every other day and the events that I've been working on and I've gotten a lot of "What the heck do you do?" questions. So lets start with what I do:

I work at a marketing agency.

But my agency isn't like other agencies I'm told (I have no frame of reference so I just smile).  We have different procedures and specialties and are more diverse and all encompassing than other agencies.

SO - I am an account supervisor at this agency and specialize in experiential marketing.  That means I supervise activations (events) for various brands and ensure that we are meeting (exceeding) all expectations for the brand goals. 

Whether it be a media event, product launch, food truck tour, movie partnership promotion or PR stunt - I help to figure out how we do it, how to give it a wow factor, and then make sure we deliver on all promises. 

Essentially I'm still planning events - but I'm doing them in a different way.  I'm less hospitality, more consumer or media based.  I'm working with big brands to tell their stories and build consumer engagement worldwide.

Got it?  GREAT.

Now 6 months in is still early - but I love my job.  I love the company, I love the people (most), my boss is awesome (unclear if I'm too much sparkle for him), and I'm constantly learning.  The biggest thing for me is feeling challenged. 

I miss hospitality, I miss "planning parties" for every event - but every day I'm growing my skillset and I get to actually choose projects that excite me.  I'm less informed on the agency life and I'm sure a complete frustration to operations at times - but I like to think I bring a level of excellence to the team that makes them ok dealing with my shenanigans. 

I'm lucky that my team is one of the strong ones in the company.  Meaning we are treated like adults, I have a lot of responsibility, a lot of flexibility, and a really powerful support system (Our VP is my actual boss babe life goals, she's truly superwoman).  Having a leadership team that I respect and want to work hard for is a gam changer that I've never experienced before. 

Do I have days I'm unhappy?  Absolutely.  Am I frustrated?  Certainly.  Would I ultimately rather be on a yacht sailing the world?  Obviously.  But as far as being happy with my decision to move to Texas, take a risk on a job that I really didn't meet all the qualifications for - I made a solid decision and I'm happy this team took a chance on me. 

So career journey: an update?  #CrushingIt

Diary of an Anxious Person Part 32

I've gotten a lot of really positive feedback around my posts discussing my journey with anxiety. I truly appreciate getting the notes letting me know you think I'm brave, you relate to how I feel, and encouraging me to keep speaking up.  As a direct result of that feedback, I've decided to start a series of blogs that delve deeper into living with anxiety.  

As a disclaimer - I'd like to make sure that those of you reading know this is just MY specific journey and the inner workings of ME.  Every person living with anxiety is unique and you should never feel badly about whatever your journey looks like.  You should also not think of anything I say as scientific fact.  Look to the experts and do what works for you.  I'm merely speaking about my personal struggles and triumphs because I think its important not to hide behind my mental illness.  I am not crazy.  There is nothing wrong with me.  And there's nothing wrong with you either.

Today - I'm talking openly about what my anxiety feels like and how it makes me engage within my own head space.

Lately I've struggled with controlling my anxious thoughts.  And its been really frustrating.  Things in my life are going really well.  I'm obsessed with my job and the people I'm working with.  I love what I'm doing, I feel challenged.  My personal life and home life are pretty much drama free as well right now.  My health has been off, but I'm working through that and confident I'll be just fine.  And yet - I'm extra anxious.

I get anxiety over silly things.  Leaving my dog at camp for an extended period of time.  Loud noises like thunder late at night.  Not being on schedule for well anything.  Things that I have zero logical reason to be anxious about have my heart racing.  And that only feeds the anxiety.  The most frustrating thing about anxiety for me is that it's not an easy on and off switch.  I know when my anxiety is making me irrational.  I know when my fears are unfounded.  It's not as easy as saying - this is ridiculous - let it go. 

I'm really self conscious about my anxiety.  And in general, I'm not a self conscious person.  About anything.  I could probably stand for a little self consciousness in areas of my life, but with my anxiety, I get really quiet.  I worry there's still that stigma.  At work I have a fear it's a weakness.  I'm constantly assuming people around me think of me as crazy or that I'm of less value.  And that doesn't feel good. 

My anxiety has me constantly overthinking, overreacting, and overstressing.  It feels like 1,000 thoughts at once.  It feels like my heart is racing and my chest is pounding.  It feels like all of my fears and worries are all poking me at once saying "but what if."  It feels exhausting.  For me, having anxiety feels like I'm not good enough, not strong enough, not worthy enough of a normalcy that I crave.  Anxiety keeps me from expressing myself well.  It keeps me from focusing well at times. 

Anxiety for me feels like an all encompassing burden.  A little monster in my head.  And one that until very recently - I never thought I could properly control. 

Remembering Yourself.

In an entire sitting on a flight to New York I read Ashley Grahams new book: A New Model.   for any woman who has ever struggled with body image - I highly recommend this book.  It's an extremely empowering novel that celebrates body diversity, body positivity, and the power of the female form.  But the part that really resonated with me was with how much I celebrate the beauty of other women, as much as I'm the first person to call out the great qualities of people around me - I am deserving of that kind of love too.

It's really important to me to celebrate the uniqueness of human beings.  I am that person in public who will tell strangers I love their outfit, their hair looks incredible, or they have a contagious smile.  I think if we all spent a little more time complimenting and lifting each other up, the world would be just a little bit softer.  But when it comes to myself, I'm kind of an asshole.

There is no negative thing anyone could say to me that I have not thought about myself.  I'm the first person to point out my flaws and I am constantly thinking about how to improve who I am. And while it's important to always be growing, it's equally important to appreciate who you are NOW. 

I recently started getting back into therapy and it's hit me like a ton of bricks that as much as I do love who I am - I am still really mean to myself.  I criticize where I'm at in my career, how hard I'm working out, nit pick at my appearance, worry about how committed I am to the people around me - etc. etc. etc.  And that is really exhausting.  And really unnecessary. 

So I'm working on looking at how kindly I treat others and figuring out how to be as kind to myself.  I'm an exceptional human being, in theory - I get that overall - I'm good people.  But learning to celebrate that every day and give myself the compliments that I give others, is absolutely necessary.  I'm out here doing my best too and my best is pretty dang good - I deserve love and celebration and compliments too.

There's a difference in self love and celebrating the self.  I truly do love who I am.  But being able to celebrate that love and confidence is critical to a healthy mentality.  So here's how I solve, because we all know I love a good list:

1. Everyday I write down something I love about me
2. T-H-E-R-A-P-Y
3. Learning to call myself and hold myself accountable when I get too judgmental of myself
4. Surrounding myself with people who are positive about themselves
5. Chill the F out

That's where we are.  Baby steps and small celebrations.  Hold me accountable and help me make this happen my sequins.  I'm kind of awesome, and I need to stop being such a jerk to myself because I certainly would never put up with anyone else treating me the way I treat me sometimes! 

#SparkleOn

Professionalism

In the workplace, you are bound to come across people that are hard to work with.  People you may not like at all.  But part of growing up, excelling in your career, is learning to avoid the drama, and be the bigger person.

Whether you're 22 or 42 - the best skill you can have as a professional is professionalism.  The ability to separate yourself from those who succumb to the immaturity and the drama, that's such a skill in the world. 

Throughout my years as a boss babe, I've certainly fallen into the trap of letting the drama get to me and participating in the madness.  But as I've grown and advanced, I'm developed a bit of an artistry towards handling these less than ideal situations.

Let's talk how to develop and maintain that kind of mentality. 

Mind your own business.

First and foremost, work is not a social community.  It's important to have good working relationships and even to maintain strong friendships with a select few of your coworkers, but work is a business.  Your number one purpose is to do what you were hired to do, develop your skills, and contribute to the success of your company.  That's it.  When drama is happening around you, when you hear the gossip, the immature behavior, do not engage.  Mind your own business.

Learn the art of the brush off.

Chances are, at some point, someone is going to try to pull you into the spectacle.  Learn to artfully comment on the situation without taking sides and make it clear you're uninterested in involving yourself.  Don't get sucked in.  Remind yourself that your number one role is to spend your time doing your job.  I you're constantly finding yourself approached by the office drama queen (or king) - be slow to respond, continue emailing, be uninterested.  The art of the brush off is being able to get the point across that you're not interested in joining the circus without having to blatantly say "go away you're the worst."

The rule of words.

I have a rule that I live by at work.  I don't say anything to anyone that I wouldn't want to be said to someone else.  I own every single thing I say about someone and to someone because I've been careful about how I speak to other people and about other people.  I've put my foot in my mouth in the past and had to own up to things I should not have ever said.  And that's not a good feeling nor a good professional look.  Think before you speak, keep personal feelings out of it, and remember that business is not the place to regret what you say.

Keep your goals in mind.

The person who gets promoted, who excels in the work place - is the person who does not engage in the theatrics of petty behavior.  In 2017, company culture is a priority and if you're catty, gossiping, and constantly speaking about others in a negative way - you're not promoting a positive culture.  No matter how good you are at your job, if you create a disruption in the company culture, you will be fired.  Your value is not greater than the good of the company.  Constantly put your professional goals at the forefront.  Your competition is yourself.  Develop your plan with your manager and focus on that plan.  Leave everyone else out of it.

Find your zen.

It's not always easy to bush off the drama.  Sometimes it's difficult to deal with and harder to ignore.  It's stressful, it's unpleasant, and unfortunately - it happens.  When it does - find your zen.  Take a walk, listen to music, text a friend.  Do whatever you have to do to disengage from the situation and refocus back to your goals.  We all slip up, we all succumb to the pressure sometimes - but being able to step back and get out of it before any real damage occurs is what separates the amaturs and the professionals.

Professionalism is so important to a successful career.  As a manager, if you're not displaying a high level of professionalism and working to better your skills in this area, I'm not going to invest myself in you.  You are not the future of the organization and quit frankly, you're not going anywhere in life until you grasp this.  Professionalism takes a lot of self reflection and commitment to growth.  You will never stop developing this talent.  22 or 42, it's your greatest asset and you should consistently be looking to take it to the next level.  Don't ever let yourself forget that work is a business, it's not a social setting and it's not high school.  Save the shenanigans for your personal life because the professional world doesn't care.

Hit the Reset Button

Hi Sequins!  I know I'm not the only one who gets completely involved in work and other people and completely sets my self care aside.  When I do this, I get really off track in being aware of what I need.  I get irritable, easily flustered, and just plain exhausted.  In order to maximize my sparkle, I'm trying to be more aware of where I'm at internally so that externally I can present my best self.

I've put together a list of resets - things that help me focus on ME and get back to neutral when I've been going a million miles a minute and am out of whack.  I'm sure a lot of these are already in your wheelhouse but maybe you forget to use them.  I'm here to remind you - sometimes you gotta DO YOU!

1. Fitness

I've grown up an athlete.  When I take a moment to go for a run, take a yoga class, or lift weights, my mind slips back into that role and I'm at peace.  Bonus?  It's good for the body too and often helps me sleep at night.

2. Naps

Ya'll I am the QUEEN of naps.  When I'm overwhelmed or exhausted, catch me in bed hitting the reset button.  I prefer hours but if I can only get 30 minutes in, I'll nap.  Sometimes my body just needs to completely shut down and reboot and sleep is the best way to achieve this.

3. Books

I read every single night.  Books are an escape for me.  I tend to lean towards a good mystery novel because I love the excitement of the puzzle.  Books help my mind shut out everything else and focus on whatever world I'm placed into.  

4. Puppies

I have a dog who is my child.  Spending time playing with him, walking him, or simply  snuggling with him makes my whole heart smile.  He reminds me there are more important things in life and that he's always there excited to see me.  Rescue a dog if you have not already because it is them who will rescue you!

5. Nails

Get your nails did!  When you look right, you feel right!  I love escaping the world and taking my headphones to the nail salon to get a good mani/pedi.  It looks good, helps you feel good, and you get a minute to escape from the real world.

6. Journal

Journaling is the best way to get out everything you're thinking and feeling and reflect on it.  It's also alone time to just digest everything going on and figure out where you're at.  Super important to be able to recognize where your feelings come from so that you are better able to handle them moving forward.  

Those 6 things are my favorite way to reset and refocus.  I know some people like to be around friends or family but for me resetting myself is more about alone time.  Without me time, I would go insane!  How do you best reset yourself?

#SparkleOn

#NoFilter

Like most women in the world today - I'm guilty of a bit of vanity.  And while I'm probably less worried about my appearance than most, I absolutely find myself criticizing the way I look, adding a touch of makeup before I go out into public, and apologizing when I look tired.  I use the snapchat filters for my selfies, obsess a little if I look heavy in an IG post, and get a little self conscious comparing myself to someone else' highlight reel.  

Thankfully, I'm generally really happy with the way I look and who I am.  I realize that the flaws are what make me unique and that my soul shines through, making me one damn beautiful babe.  But I'm human.  I have the moments that I'm just not comfortable in my body.  

But I also preach a lot to other women (and men) that confidence is loving who you are without comparing yourself to everyone else.  It's finding the beauty in everyone (including yourself) and celebrating whatever makes you and everyone else feel beautiful.

For some women, beauty is a full face of makeup, having that "perfect" model body, and every hair in place.  And for others, it's extra weight, muscles, and minimal makeup.  And for someone else, its something entirely different.  For me - I feel my best when I'm wearing minimal makeup and in my workout gear.  I associate so much of my happiness and confidence with sports, so when I am in that element, I radiate complete self assurance.  

Recently - I took a trip to Belize with two of my best girlfriends.  It took me out of my comfort zone as I realized - I had never been out of the country without my parents.  I know, 31 and all of my international travel has been with my family.  And while you may think that makes me spoiled (I am), it also makes me feel loved and thankful.  But being able to go out of the country and handle everything on our own, I love the independence that gave me.  Make no mistake - I grew up very privileged, but I was also given the skills to thrive on my own.  And for that, I am forever grateful.

Back to comfort zones.  I decided to challenge myself to focusing on the adventure of being in a new country.  To not worry about anything but maximizing my time taking in the culture and experiences with my girls.  So I didn't pack makeup.  That's right.  No makeup.  And I'm not talking "I didn't pack makeup" meaning I only took bronzer and mascara.  I took no makeup.  The only beauty products I packed were sunscreen and moisturizer.  And the world didn't end.

I spent 5 days makeup free with only the sunshine to give me that natural glow.  And you know what I learned?  It's pretty liberating to just show up as you are.  To rock what your mama gave ya!  I felt all kinds of bad ass exploring Belize without a stitch of vanity (FINE - dry shampoo attended because no need to be gross).  I didn't hide from the camera, I didn't worry about looking less than my best - I just owned it.  Because happiness is honestly the best filter anyways.  

As cheesy and cliche as it sounds (and yes, I do generally have good skin so fine, could be a little easier for me) - I got some extra boost of confidence from the experience.  It made me feel incredibly empowered to show up as I am and shine on (literally, the humidity is not forgiving...).  The moral of the story?  You gotta learn to love you as you, whatever that means to your inner diva - and only then can you look and feel your best.  Listen to what gives you the most joy and where you feel your most confidence.  And whenever you need a pick me up, get back to that place.  For me, that's a whole lot of #NoFilter.

#SparkleOn my Sequins!

Travel is a Drug.

Whether I'm traveling for work or for play - I feel alive once I step off that airplane into a new city.  I could be in Kansas City or Belize City, I love the feeling of the unknown and the unfamiliar.  Travel gives me an opportunity to learn, explore, and grow - and each and every time - I get all the feels.

I've been all over this great country of ours.  From Sacramento to NYC to Milwaukee, Nashville, Laramie, and everywhere in between.  I love learning about the culture and community that makes America such a diverse nation.  I eat local, I drink local, I hike local - I live local. 

And recently - I've gotten back to taking my travel high global.  I've spent time all over Mexico, the Caribbean, and South America.  But shockingly - I've never been anywhere else!  Not Europe, not Asia, not Africa!  And it's about time that changes. 

America is amazing - I love America so very much - but I need to learn to be a citizen of the world.  And as someone who values the differences each culture provides this giant melting pot - I can't wait to grow my knowledge of the people around me.

Traveling gives me a high nothing else provides.  I get butterflies when I'm about to go somewhere I've never been before.  I am humbled by the people I meet, the food I taste, the museums I explore.  And as long as I live, the greatest gift I'll ever give myself, is the ability to travel.

Next up? Europe.  I've got a really good feeling it's going to become my next addiction...

#SparkleOn

About that Action.

Like many informed Americans, I am really unhappy with the orange guy who is our so-called "President."  I certainly make my opinions clear and speak a lot to educate wherever I can.  But what's truly important right now is acting.  I donate to causes that I feel most connected to (PP, ACLU, Smithsonian) and so I wanted to provide some outlets for you to essentially put your money where your mouth is. 

ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union)

You can donate on a national level or choose to keep it local.  Regardless - this organization is dedicated to defending our rights as citizens, empowering communities and influencing policies for the better.  They're one of my favorite organizations because they're 100% about action.  They don't just talk about it, they get involved and they power entire movements.

Planned Parenthood

I'm beyond blessed that I haven't needed their services.  But I'm thankful that they're available should I ever need them.  And contrary to popular belief, PP is not just for abortion services, although I'm thankful they provide a safe place for this as well.  PP provides information, contraception, annual exams, and so much more.  Again, donate at the local or national level.  Regardless of your political and religious stance, abortions will always and forever happen - places like PP help make them SAFE for women.  And they do so much more to help our communities stay healthy and educated about their reproductive needs.

The Smithsonian

I am absolutely obsessed with museums.  And the Smithsonian museums are the best in the business.  You need weeks to get through them all and you can go back 100 times and learn something new each time.  Not to mention The Smithsonian is a vast education and research complex.  So they're continuing to learn and discover new things about the world every day.  And yea, they believe in science.

Women's March

I'm a giant feminist.  I support equality.  I love that the Women's March has been s powerful, so peaceful, and so committed to what Feminism stands for in my heart.  This group is aiming to fight for equality for our future.  It values civil rights and liberties, diversity, health, and education.  I'm excited to se where they keep going.

The moral of the story?  Support whatever causes are important to you, but DO SOMETHING.  Keep talking, keep learning, and keep up the involvement.  But make sure to take action as well.  Because without action - we just have a bunch of talking and no real change.  And we certainly need a whole lot of change right now.

#SparkleOn